To think if you invite a friend out for a Sunday afternoon drink

[theredhen]

that they shouldn't just assume they can bring their 14 year old daughter along to sit with us?

Normally we meet for a coffee in Sunday mornings at her house or mine. I thought going out for a glass of wine would make a nice change.

The pub is 5 mins walk from her house. So no issues with being miles away or anything.

He daughter is a lovely girl but to be honest I struggle to understand why she would want to come to the pub and sit with two old farts.

"" It is fair to say we had nothing in common, if any of you grew up in an area like mine you would quite easily see why I sought out and preferref the company of adults." Under those circumstances I would have thought you wouldn't have much in common with the adults either......

Some people seem to have no problems with self esteem on here!!

Velvet I doubt you couldnt find a group of friends out of your entire town that would have similar interests to you unless you had very poor social skills.

Oh, I was vastly intelligent yadda yadda yadda. I was also a social inadequate, who lived in a fantasy world of wonderful friends who would understand me and have Fabulous Adventures and/or intellectual conversation. I was, I slightly think, a massive pain in the arse, and I am hugely relieved that my daughters - who are perfectly bright kids themselves - have friends of their own.

Oh, I also spent a lot of time happily alone - my parents worked FT and I am an only child, school holidays from age 10 were spent at home on my own all day with books and my imagination for company. When my parents weren't at work, they wanted to spend time with me, and vice versa, its the same for me and my children.

I found lots of friends on my wavelength when I moved to a far more academic school for 6th form, and then at university (where if anything I wasn't clever enough for most of my peers!). As for adults, my parents' friends and relatives did not live in our area, and were very different to the children I went to school with and their parents.

thebody
If I thought my friends were secretly laughing at or judging my kid, well, it goes without saying that I would ditch such horrible people sharpish.

I think resenting the presence of your own niece is really very unpleasant.

I live by choice in a country where the little kids are doted on and big kids' opinions are jocularly solicited on all topics from finance to philosophy, where children are happily taken to restaurants in the evenings and seem to be seen as people, rather than inconveniences to be shut away in a blackout-curtained nursery at 7pm on the dot.

Oh for heavens' sake I love and talk to my kids, and other people's kids, but frankly when I see my friends I want to see them on their own. I don't want their partners. I don't want their teenagers.

And I do not lock away my 12 year old but do enjoy the fact she has her own friends to go and hang out with and do pointless 12 year old things with as well as me.

I was an articulate child. I was included many times. However I knew exactly when I wasn't wanted and when I was. How I laughed at the adults sometimes trying to accommodate me if they didn't want to. I also looked 18 at 14. Scared the life out of some! My mum grew adept at asking who the invite was for and some sort of plan. It avoided me being bored and acting up and afforded her some adult time with her friends.

Just, in the name of all that's holy, wouldn't you do that? It's courtesy surely? To the child as well as adult.

"Some people seem to have no problems with self esteem on here!!" hahaa :-)

And if you think people aren't judging your kids, they are exactly the ones that are! We all judge. Some nights your mates will go home laughing their knickers off at some dumb thing said by your adorably clever mini adult.

Don't think otherwise!

Gawd, my DD would angle for an invite but NO WAY would I let her and she is nearly!

Everything pictish said.

Dackyduddles, er, I know otherwise. My friends are lovely. :)

YANBU.

Have no idea why someone would even think to bring their child to the pub when meeting a friend for drinks. The people getting all uppity at you OP would seem to be ones happy to inflict their children on all social occasions, no matter how inappropriate.

Mind you, it also bugs me when pals bring their blokes or, as one friend does, invite them later on when we have had a few and talking shite.

I dont care if someone is a genius, if they have decent social skills they will have friends from all walks of life, with different interests and opinions.

I would be very concerned if my dcs didnt have this and spent the rest of the time alone, or with my friends, as I doubt they would have successful relationships/friendships when they were adults unless they changed what they were doing.

also Sunday afternoon is family time, DDs would not be expected bugger off on a Sunday afternoon

Inflict their kids.

kids aren't dogs you can't shut them in the kitchen with a bowl of water and a dog chew

Is that set in stone then bunny?

Inflict their kids.

kids aren't dogs you can't shut them in the kitchen with a bowl of water and a dog chew

kindle fires, however should be thrown in a bowl of water until until dead.

Bringing any extra person who is not invited along without asking is rude, so YANBU

Fwiw petey, since you appear to be so concerned with my social skills (or your apparent perception of my lack thereof) I had lots of friends at primary school, but by secondary those friendships were limited to school hours because we had so little in common - their interests were boys and alcohol (neither of which interested me at 13/14), mine were politics and the like, which adults were happy to debate with me.

I have never lacked for friends, though as a teen I did lack intelligent conversation from my peers. Quite simple really.