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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you invite a friend out for a Sunday afternoon drink

178 replies

theredhen · 04/08/2013 08:13

that they shouldn't just assume they can bring their 14 year old daughter along to sit with us?

Normally we meet for a coffee in Sunday mornings at her house or mine. I thought going out for a glass of wine would make a nice change.

The pub is 5 mins walk from her house. So no issues with being miles away or anything.

He daughter is a lovely girl but to be honest I struggle to understand why she would want to come to the pub and sit with two old farts. Wink

OP posts:
pictish · 04/08/2013 11:49

Well velvet I have plenty to discuss that is not for the ears or delectation of your 14 yr old.

thebody · 04/08/2013 11:50

there are so many things I wouldn't talk about in front of my adult sons that I might want to discuss with a girl friend.

l

Bogeyface · 04/08/2013 11:54

Those who are saying you cant discuss certain things if she is there, why would you be discussing such things in a pub anyway?

Surely a pub meet is more relaxed and about having a drink and a nice chat, but meeting for coffee at home is more likely to lend itself to a serious conversation.

If you dont want a teen there then either a) say so when you make the arrangements or b) dont make arrangements to see friends at a time that is traditionally family time.

Gruntfuttock · 04/08/2013 11:54

ExitPursuedByABear you said about your 13 yr old DD "but she is told firmly to do one."

What does that phrase actually mean? Confused Sorry, but I'm not familiar with it.

Bogeyface · 04/08/2013 11:55

"Do one" = Fuck off, without actually swearing. A horrible turn of phrase especially when used to a child.

Lj8893 · 04/08/2013 11:56

I was one of those teens that preferred adult company. And even now I don't have many friends my own age.

However, just because i preferred adult company I was always aware that the adults didn't prefer teenage company all the time!

There are lots of things i would want to discuss with a friend over a glass of wine that I certainly wouldn't want a 14 year old to hear!

thebody · 04/08/2013 11:56

it means fuck off and do something else like chat to your own friends while I chat to mine.

love to see my dds faces if I gate crashed a sleepover and took part in their conversations!!😃

thebody · 04/08/2013 11:57

bogey,, I sure the poster doesn't actually SAY that to her dd really do you?

CaptainSweatPants · 04/08/2013 11:58

I agree that is really annoying

Fine for parents to treat their teenagers as one of the crowd but its the same to me as inviting someone else along, totally odd

If I invite you for lunch you wouldn't turn up with another mate would you ? It's the same when friends meet for lunch and turn up with their partner , wtf?!!

susiedaisy · 04/08/2013 11:59

Yanbu

CaptainSweatPants · 04/08/2013 12:01

If you dont want a teen there then either a) say so when you make the arrangements or b) dont make arrangements to see friends at a time that is traditionally family time.

Oh my of can't believe this!!

So if ring a friend & invite them for lunch I have to clarify I mean just them & not their kids, partners etc???? Wtf!

& if they prefer family time they can say on the phone

You just don't invite someone along without asking first!

Bogeyface · 04/08/2013 12:01

Thebody wouldnt surprise me, I have heard it used to kids a lot.

Bogeyface · 04/08/2013 12:03

Captain Well thats what me and my friends do, we establish if the invite is a family one, a couples one or a single one. Its easy enough to do and prevents misunderstandings like this.

curlew · 04/08/2013 12:04

A case in point. I wouldn't say "do one" in front of my, or anyone else's young teens. But I might (well, probably not, but similar) in front of my friends.

Bogeyface · 04/08/2013 12:05

You just don't invite someone along without asking first!

Its her child! Its not some random she met and dragged along, her own child! Some of us actually like our childrens company, odd as that may seem Hmm

bigTillyMint · 04/08/2013 12:05

Teenagers have many interesting things to say and it is great to hear their experiences and views, but that's not to say you necessarily want them there when you are seeing friends.
I often go out for a coffee/drink with girl friends and my DD 14 (or DS for that matter!) would never dream of coming too - she has her own circle of friends and wouldn't expect me to go along with her either!

However, on family days out with friends, I would expect to include all children in any conversations, or at least to be happy to chat with them next to us.

YANBU - she should have asked you if you minded.

NoComet · 04/08/2013 12:11

And do all you smug people who want your amazing 'grown up, not for the ears of 14 year-olds conversations' actually think said 14 year olds and your DCs already know all your gossip.

Get real, wall have ears and quiet, 'bright', DCs know pretty much everything anyway.

thebody · 04/08/2013 12:11

Bogey personally I adore my children's company but I also think its quite rude to expect all of my friends to do the same.

I like their dcs on the whole but there has to be some adult time/conversations doesn't there. just like normal children/ teens like non adult time/conversations.

to be honest if my dds as teens wanted to be with me all of the time I would worry about them.

ENormaSnob · 04/08/2013 12:12

Yanbu

I love chatting with my teen and his mates. All interesting and articulate young men.

No way would i take him on a date with my pals.

pictish · 04/08/2013 12:19

starballbunny - regardless, it is my choice not to involve children in discussions pertaining to my personal business, directly.
I would not take my mature, articulate, personable, farts-fucking-rainbows eldest child along to drinks with a friend, as I would assume she would not wish to discuss the state of her marriage (for example) with a child.

It's pretty simple.
Don't bring the kid.

thebody · 04/08/2013 12:23

Pictish, love the 'farts fucking rainbows' 😄

HazleNutt · 04/08/2013 12:26

For me it's not so much of an issue that it was a teenager. If I agree to have a drink with a friend then unless specified differently, I assume it's just that friend coming, and not her, DP, Dc, MIL etc.

VelvetSpoon · 04/08/2013 12:27

I really don't think there are many conversations which are 'not for the ears' of teens/ young adults, those that are I tend to have on a girls night out, not if friends pop round to mine or we meet for a casual drink.

pictish · 04/08/2013 12:29

You are clutching at straws now velvet.

Bogeyface · 04/08/2013 12:35

I really don't think there are many conversations which are 'not for the ears' of teens/ young adults, those that are I tend to have on a girls night out, not if friends pop round to mine or we meet for a casual drink.

No straw clutching at all there that I can see. I wouldnt be discussing anything that was so serious or "grown up" that my DD couldnt hear it, in the pub in front of strangers!

I dont get what the isssue is with simply making sure that the invitation is understood to be to the mother and not the child as well.

And "leave the kid at home"? Nice!

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