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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think if you invite a friend out for a Sunday afternoon drink

178 replies

theredhen · 04/08/2013 08:13

that they shouldn't just assume they can bring their 14 year old daughter along to sit with us?

Normally we meet for a coffee in Sunday mornings at her house or mine. I thought going out for a glass of wine would make a nice change.

The pub is 5 mins walk from her house. So no issues with being miles away or anything.

He daughter is a lovely girl but to be honest I struggle to understand why she would want to come to the pub and sit with two old farts. Wink

OP posts:
NoelHeadbands · 04/08/2013 12:39

YANBU

When I meet with friends, often (when we're not discussing politics and significant world events hem hem) we're discussing husbands, kids, work etc.

All stuff that's fit for discussion in a pub full of strangers- but not in front of the kids. That's fairly obvious surely?

pictish · 04/08/2013 12:41

I think if it's the pub you're going to, then yes, leave the kid at home.
The pub is a brilliant place for indepth discussions btw. It's the best place.

There are times and places where the involvement of your teen is appropriate.

Drinks aren't it.

curlew · 04/08/2013 12:53

"And do all you smug people who want your amazing 'grown up, not for the ears of 14 year-olds conversations' actually think said 14 year olds and your DCs already know all your gossip.

Get real, wall have ears and quiet, 'bright', DCs know pretty much everything anyway."

So that's all right then.......Hmm

Iamsparklyknickers · 04/08/2013 12:54

OP YANBU.

It's perfectly natural to tailor your conversation to whose around you at the time. If your friend was bringing along her DH or mother it'd have the same effect so it's not all about age - more about who you want to reveal or share certain things with.

Someone might be ok with their DD knowing about the in's and out's of adults relationships or my financial status or my work-life problems, I'm not ok with her knowing specifically about mine. That's up to me.

Sometimes it's ok, sometimes people have made a specific suggestion for a reason (such as changing a coffee at home to a pub) which should be taken as a strong hint imo that they don't want to chat around certain people.

CaptainSweatPants · 04/08/2013 12:58

Bogeyface - do you really need to imply that because I think it's rude to bring a teenager along for a drink without asking first that I don't like the company of my own children?

curlew · 04/08/2013 13:22

"No straw clutching at all there that I can see. I wouldnt be discussing anything that was so serious or "grown up" that my DD couldnt hear it, in the pub in front of strangers!"

It's not so much "serious" or grown up- it's just that a conversation is different if a teenager is involved in it. Obviously. And

And I adore the company of my children. And of my friends. Sometimes together. Sometimes separately.

And I repeat. Children who "prefer adult company" and are allowed to indulge this preference at all times are a pain in the arse.

Snazzyenjoyingsummer · 04/08/2013 13:39

It's basically saying the social preferences of your kids should come before the social preferences of other adults. Always. Sorry but not every social occasion should be set up for the benefit of under 18s.

XiCi · 04/08/2013 13:43

I can't imagine anyone would be happy to arrive at the pub to meet a friend and find their 13 year old dd there. It would completely change the content and type of conversations you would normally have with a mate.

It's also incredibly rude to turn up to meet someone with another person in tow no matter what their age.

People that don't do anything without their kids or partner with them tend to be incredibly tedious. I wonder if they take their children with them to inappropriate situations such as this just got mask the fact that they have very little to say for themselves

heronsfly · 04/08/2013 13:43

YANBU,
My friend often brings her teenage dd along with her to different meet ups, I see why she brings her because there are two much younger children at home, and I think she is trying to give her dd1 a bit of adult time.
But, the situation (not the girl herself) annoys everyone, we cant talk freely about our own teens because she is listening, language and topics have to be toned down and her presence just seems to change the atmosphere totally.

motherinferior · 04/08/2013 13:53

Oh god there is masses I would discuss that is not madly fit for the ears of my PFB Grin.

themaltesefalcon · 04/08/2013 13:56

Poor kids! I'm with Velvet.

peteypiranha · 04/08/2013 14:00

I wouldnt do this if it was my own. For a start my friends wouldnt be impressed, and secondly I would be worried if a 14 year old didnt want to be out with her friends on the weekend instead of sittijg in the pub with just me and my friend.

motherinferior · 04/08/2013 14:02

So don't you talk about sex, relationships, hangups about your own parents, the books you've read recently, friends you've known for decades (and the gossip/judginess thereupon), jobs, the annoying habits of your partners, etc?

thebody · 04/08/2013 14:03

'poor kids' yes I agree with you.

to be hoiked along to every occasion like trained monkeys so their parents can show everyone how clever and mature they are thus causing said child to be secretly laughed at/ wished elsewhere by the other adults.

poor kids to be so socially inept with their peer group that they prefer the undemanding unchallenging company of mum and dads friends.

motherinferior · 04/08/2013 14:07

I was that child, once up a time Grin. I am so glad that my kids aren't.

BigBoobiedBertha · 04/08/2013 14:12

I think there is a difference between your friend bringing her DD and somebody' sibling bringing their niece along. One is family and so you have a relationship with the niece. If it is a friend though, the adult is the friend, not the child.

Your friend isn't worried about leaving her DD at home is she? I have heard of MN of parents who don't like leaving children of that age although I find it bizarre.

YANBU.

NoelHeadbands · 04/08/2013 14:14

I was also that child. Makes me cringe

bigTillyMint · 04/08/2013 14:19

Did she say why she had brought her DD? Maybe her DD was feeling upset about something and she felt like she didn't want to leave her at home?

But she should still have checked with you.

Iamsparklyknickers · 04/08/2013 14:20

Just to flip it slightly, would those who think it's a non-issue to have their children come out with their friends think their child would welcome their presence at all of their social gatherings?

I have friends whose parents are amazing and as teens we had great fun with - doesn't mean we would have welcomed them rocking up with their own sleeping bag at a sleepover.

It's not a great social education to pass on to your kids - especially if it's not just a case of preference but a genuine difficulty relating to their peers.

pictish · 04/08/2013 14:21

So we're pretty mucgh agreed then? Most of us would prefer not to discuss our intimate and personal business with our friends teenage kids earwigging in.
The only people who do approve of such a bring-along are the parents who do it.
Interesting. Hmm Grin

BigBoobiedBertha · 04/08/2013 14:21

I get bored if my mum meets up with me in tow, with her friends and I am 47! I don't share their history, I don't know all the people they might know and I don't relate to their time of life. I don't see that as any different from taking a teenager with you. It doesn't matter how mature they are, they just can't relate to the same things as an adult can because for all their maturity, they lack life experience.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 04/08/2013 14:23

I cannot believe that you'd discuss for example personal health issues with teens about. I recently had a meet up with a friend and she was very worried about her DHs' ball sack. Now had my DD been present, she would NEVER have brought that up....with only me there, she was at liblerty to talk about it and even have a laugh about scrotums in general....

As it happens I also discuss things like sex with one very close mate...we've been friends for 20 years and are like sisters. I wouldn't talk about that in front of her teenager! The teen in question would faint from disgust and embarrassment and she's very bright and articulate. She just doesn't like to hear 40 year olds talking about balls!

ExitPursuedByABear · 04/08/2013 14:44

Oh god no I didn't tell my dd to 'do one'. I simply typed it here, on a website.

VelvetSpoon · 04/08/2013 14:46

As a child I was (without exaggerating) vastly more intelligent than my peers. I lived in an area where most girl's only aspirations were to get married. I knew from the age of 13 I wamted to be a lawyer. Barely any of them read outside of school, not one ever watched the news. It is fair to say we had nothing in common, if any of you grew up in an area like mine you would quite easily see why I sought out and preferref the company of adults.

My own DC are luckier to have a wider circle of friends, but we are close and there will often be occasions when I see friends with them. Just as sometimes I will see friends with their DC present.

I talk about work and (to an extent) relationships, general stuff in front of them, just as my parents and relatives/friends did in front of me. My friends and I don't really discuss sex, so that's a non-issue.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 04/08/2013 14:51

Velvet Like you, I was different...I was brighter and more ambitious and also grew up in a deprived area. My parents still didn't take me to socialise with them....I was at home reading. I would also have liked to hang out with older people but it wasn't an option.

I'm not damaged by that..it was the making of me. I am still a loner and prefer to spend time reading or writing and that's a good thing in my book. Lots of people can't seem to entertain themselves or handle their own company.