Aibu to have bad vibes and avoid unsupervised, 5 year old neighbour

[jessieagain]

I am wondering if I'm being unreasonable about this and what you would do. We have recently moved into a new flat. Next to our flat is a playground.

I take my 2 year old there a couple of times a week.

I doesnt get used much as there is a big and much better playground in a park close by. Occasionally there are 1-2 children there with their parents, sometimes a couple of 4-10 years olds together or an older child 9+ by themself. My son is quite interested in playing with other people and usually runs up to them so we end up having a chat.

Twice however there has been a young girl about 5 who has been by herself, she has a bike with her that makes my son pretty excited about so he runs over to her.

The first time she was quite bossy to him about not touching her bike and was shouting no at him, so I distracted him and got him away to play on the swings. She followed us over and kept trying to talk to him and me, I tried to discourage her hanging around us by not really answering her questions andby talking to ds but she kept in trying to talk to us. I decided to leave the playground and take ds to the park so we could get away from her and she suddenly started whining and begging to come too. I said she couldn't as she needed her own parent to take her and she started shouting an crying saying that she wanted to come and it wasn't fair etc. I said goodbye, picked up ds and walked away quickly.

Yesterday we met her again at the playground and it started similarly with her saying ds couldn't touch her bike so I told ds we needed to go back to our flat (fortunately he had had enough of a play so didnt mind). I picked him up and started walking away. She started running towards us with her bike, shouting for us to not go and then she fell over on top of her bike and started crying as well. I was about 6 metres away from her by then, so called out that she was ok and should go home to her parents and kept walking away.

I was very uncomfortable about this whole situation, I think she is far too young to be by herself and her behaviour is too erratic and hysterical so I don't want her near me or ds. I get a really bad vibe around her and don't want to be around her again, but I feel bad about this as she is only a little girl. Aibu about this?

So why not call the police (just 101) in this situation and ask them about it? If you've done it before why is it too hard to do it this time? Did something happen in the past when you reported someone or something?

OP I almost never post on MN. I can't be bothered. simply because most people are saying the same thing. But I couldn't let this one go. I read this thread before going to bed. I dreamt about this little girl. Nothing in particular. Just images of what you described.

I am a product of ignorance. My parents couldn't care less about me and my siblings. Result was abuse by many in all shapes, sizes and forms. For this very reason I am very protective of my DC and constantly make sure that I don't do anything that could ever bring them harm of any sort. If you had an unsupervised childhood then I can relate to what it might have been like.

I can understand that you are worried that her parents might react violently towards you/ your DS. However something must be done. The least you can do is to involve SS and request that you do not want to be outed. Could you do that ? If you can't then could you privately pass on the details to me and I will do it. I promise that I wouldn't out you ever.

OP I beg of you to either tell the Ss or give me the details.

Perhaps 15 years later you could proudly say "you know that bright eyed girl who won the scholarship to Oxford. I saved her from abuse when she was 5" or " the paramedic who saved my DS life after he had an accident used to play with him when he was 2. I saved her from abuse at that time. "

Please OP you could save her from ending up in the back of a lorry. Please do something. I have never begged anyone like this in my life.

Wow, baba, that was moving. I'm very sorry you were unprotected as a child. I agree with you that, seeing a child who appears neglected and nervous, it's crucial to try and do something to improve things for them.

I really hope OP can 'hear' your urgency.

willow that was a really horrible thing to say.
Why do you feel the need to make such a hurtful and personal comment?

I googled what someone said about a child being left supervised and in risk of danger or injury was a crime and it is, so I made an anonymous call to crimestpppers. I'm sure the woman on the phone thought I was starting trouble but u couldn't handle the guilt anymore. Now I feel so physically sick with guilt about it all. And I never want to see that girl again and I called my dp and hopefully we can move again soon so I don't need to deal with this anymore. I hate feelin this way an it is making me sick.

Well done Jessie. Now, no matter what happens in the future, you can say to yourself "I did something. I made that call".

And I know that it was hard for you. Really, really hard.

But you did it.

For all you know, your call may have saved that girl from a lifetime of misery.

It's no exaggeration to say - I'm proud of you.

Well done OP. I thought of you when i woke up this morning.

You've done a good thing. You know that.

I think all the stuff about the child falling over and your reaction to it is/was detracting from the main point.

And that is that this little girl is at risk from much much more than a scrapped knee or two if she's left unattended in a public place allot of the time. Yes larger injuries - but also everything from being flashed at, touched inappropriately or even abducted.

It's awful, but it's true.

And you can be proud that you have taken a step towards preventing that happening.

Well done, but it sad that you feel that way about a defenceless little girl. You really do have deep issues. Have you considered counselling!

Can i just say, about the thing you said about moving to get away from it OP:

The only place you can go where you'll never have to face this sort of thing again is an island where only you and your DP and your son live, sadly.

I grew up in London - with all it's well documented problems. Housing estates/poverty. I now live in a ''chocolate box'' village - thatched cottages, village green, duck pond, poverty rate well below average in this area. But still there are children at the local primary who are being neglected/abused by their parents. Being sent to school with not enough to eat or wear. The teacher and i hear children tell things about their home life in circle time which make us despair.

The thing you need to do OP is deal with the struggle you have facing or dealing with this sort of thing in an appropriate manner. I say that with kindness. Because it's everywhere and you''ll not be able to hide from it sadly.

So op if your Child was lost and wandering you would expect eople just to ignore him and walk on by, until police turned up and forbid it might be too late. Gosh op you do have issues tat you need to address

The great majority thankfully would not, as demonstrated on here, and would help your child to safety!

jessie what are feeling guilty about?
I think you did a good thing fwiw.

Jessie, well done for making the call. I would suggest that you also ring SS on Monday.

Your last post confirms what a few people have said upthread. I think you are suffering from irrational anxiety and irrational feelings towards this girl (I mean 'irrational' not as a shaming judgement but as a simple statement of fact) and I really, really think you should seek help. This will not be the last, nor possibly the worst, such situation you will find yourself in in your life. Avoidance is not always an option. Your reaction of wanting to move away is extreme. I think there is to a degree something of OCD about this (I am not a psych but an OCD sufferer 'in recovery' and while mine never manifested itself like this, I can recognise some of the thought processes in what you write).

I feel as if this incident has opened a bit of a Pandora's box for you, but it may be all to the good if you can use this experience to engage with yourself and seek help.

I expect James Bulgers parents would have appreciated someone intervening and taking their boy to safety.

I am so glad to hear that OP. I am not sure why you would feel guilty and like you need to move though? I still think some counselling would be helpful to you to deal with the thoughts and feelings you're struggling with.

I'm also a bit baffled as to what this child actually did that was so "all over the place^ , erratic and hysterical.

Well done op. You have taken control and done the right thing. I know you are scared this will backfire on you. I would feel similiar in your situation. X

OP , I really don't mean this in an offensive way, but I would look into having some professional help around your anxiety and irrational thoughts.

This thread has made me angry, but not for the reason most of you would think - basically you lot have cyberbullied the OP, someone with admitted anxiety and social issues, into doing something that has made her feel sick.

I see why you're all angry - child welfare is a serious issue - but that is no reason to bully someone the way a lot of you have been. Even if it resulted in her "doing the right thing" it is still wrong to guilt-trip and manipulate someone into doing something that they don't feel comfortable doing.

OP, I suggest you leave this thread, or even ask MNHQ to have it deleted for you. That way you won't be able to read and re-read the hurtful comments that have been made about you that will make you feel worse.

I must admit that there are loads of five year olds who play out here, loads (and they all love to talk to me when I take mine over there). Where I used to live this was the norm too. I would never have thought to call SS over it, and I don't see this girls behaviour as hysterical or completely out of the ordinary. I am a little confused by why so many people think this warrants a SS call. Perhaps I am being ignorant but can someone explain why this warrants a call to SS? Genuine question, not sarcasm. If I am missing warning signs I would like to know.

I don't allow my 6 year old play out alone as she doesn't have much common sense, bless her but like I said, plenty of five year olds play out alone in the park here and while I don't think it is a wise decision I still wouldn't think to call SS for that alone.

Jessie, Good morning, I have just read that you made a phone call but now want to move because it has distressed you so much. I am in tears, both for your courage to make the call and at the depth of bad feeling it is has raised in you, This is so sad that you are still suffering like this after all this time. I know you seem to have been nagged for days on here but can I nag you one more time?
First thing Monday morning ring you gp, go and explain this to him and source some help(not sure cbt will do it) get some counselling. I know that will make you feel so scared you really won't think you can face things but this problem is going to effect your ds and your dp, and more importantly it is having a really nasty effect on you.
You shouldn't have to feel so ill because of this situation and I am concerned that if you leave it you will only carry it with you and it will jump out again and again. If you move you still take yourself with you.

Please now you are an adult and can choose to take care of yourself DO IT!!!

Lovely post cjel

OP you have been spoken to disgustingly on this thread. Your reactions are not 'normal' as you well know yourself but you did not deserve this level of shit you got.

I second cjel's post and hope you are ok today.

jessie I'm sorry this whole business has upset you.

Fwiw I think your DS is a lucky boy to have you looking out for him.
You have done nothing wrong in calling. You've just raised awareness. Maybe this girl is fine. No harm done. Maybe someone should look into the fact that she's unsupervised. You have given them a chance to do that.
I think it's a great shame if you have felt bullied here (I can see where galaxy is coming from tbh) but I hope you can also see that quite a few posters are not criticising you and I hope that makes you feel a little better.

samu - i think the majority of (constructive) posts in the firs half of this thread advised chatting to the girl to assess if she was being supervised, or had an adult nearby, or siblings. etc. Others at first suggested perhaps just taking the child home when she fell and hurt herself. Seeing if there were responsible adults at home for her.

The OP stated she was unable to do any of these basic checks on the girls safety due to her own anxiety. In a situation like this the only thing OP felt able to do was remain detached and make a phone call. I'm glad it was suggested to her. I was one of the posters who suggested it.

Under the circ.s a call to 101 or SS is better than nothing.

I just wanted to add that i can understand your anxiety OP. I worked in a school as a playground assistant and one day I came across a girl aged about 7 standing in the wet playground with no shoes on, crying. She appeared dazed and shaken and I was very concerned. I picked her up, comforted her and asked her where her shoes were. She said someone had pulled them off her. I carried her inside to her teacher and went and found the shoes and delivered them to her. By which time she was laughing and telling her teacher she had removed the shoes herself. She was completely unremorseful and utterly entertained by the situation. The head teacher took me aside and said this little girl had engineered other situations where adults had to be make physical contact with her. On some occasions she would then accuse the adult of harming her, pointing out old scars and bruises and saying the adult had just given them to her. As they were old, this was obviously a lie. Such incidents were being logged as she was obviously a vulnerable child and this behaviour was worrying. However, the adults around her had to ensure there were witnesses when responding to her in this type if situation.

To be clear, this has not and would not effect how I respond to a vulnerable child. I just wanted to let you know that although your reaction seems very intense, I can understand its basis. I hope you can make peace with this situation and your response to this type of situation. And above all I hope this little girl gets the care and protection she needs.