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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to have bad vibes and avoid unsupervised, 5 year old neighbour

443 replies

jessieagain · 03/08/2013 08:56

I am wondering if I'm being unreasonable about this and what you would do. We have recently moved into a new flat. Next to our flat is a playground.

I take my 2 year old there a couple of times a week.

I doesnt get used much as there is a big and much better playground in a park close by. Occasionally there are 1-2 children there with their parents, sometimes a couple of 4-10 years olds together or an older child 9+ by themself. My son is quite interested in playing with other people and usually runs up to them so we end up having a chat.

Twice however there has been a young girl about 5 who has been by herself, she has a bike with her that makes my son pretty excited about so he runs over to her.

The first time she was quite bossy to him about not touching her bike and was shouting no at him, so I distracted him and got him away to play on the swings. She followed us over and kept trying to talk to him and me, I tried to discourage her hanging around us by not really answering her questions andby talking to ds but she kept in trying to talk to us. I decided to leave the playground and take ds to the park so we could get away from her and she suddenly started whining and begging to come too. I said she couldn't as she needed her own parent to take her and she started shouting an crying saying that she wanted to come and it wasn't fair etc. I said goodbye, picked up ds and walked away quickly.

Yesterday we met her again at the playground and it started similarly with her saying ds couldn't touch her bike so I told ds we needed to go back to our flat (fortunately he had had enough of a play so didnt mind). I picked him up and started walking away. She started running towards us with her bike, shouting for us to not go and then she fell over on top of her bike and started crying as well. I was about 6 metres away from her by then, so called out that she was ok and should go home to her parents and kept walking away.

I was very uncomfortable about this whole situation, I think she is far too young to be by herself and her behaviour is too erratic and hysterical so I don't want her near me or ds. I get a really bad vibe around her and don't want to be around her again, but I feel bad about this as she is only a little girl. Aibu about this?

OP posts:
BellEndTent · 03/08/2013 23:24

That was terribly written, sorry. What I was trying to put across was that I feel 5 is very young to be out alone and certainly won't be allowing my dc to play outside unsupervised until they are much older but I quite often see children out and about in my neighbourhood at around this age and nobody else seems to think it's unusual.

Original poster
jessieagain · 03/08/2013 23:24

Is that really too hard to understand

OP posts:
mumat39 · 03/08/2013 23:24

I've been thinking about this thread alot.

How sad that even though OP didn't check to make sure she was ok after falling over, the little girl called out 'I'm ok' after her.

I have a 5 year old DD, and it breaks my heart that anyone could walk away from any child her age.

If I'm honest I don't like lots of kids I see in the park and might manoeuvre my dc away from the ones I think are being naughty. But, I have and would again, go to the assistance of a child if I'd seen them fall over, whether in the park or school playground or just in the street.

I was like that before I had kids so to me OP's reaction just makes no sense.

No one knows this little girls situation, so we are left guessing. But whether she has everything she could want or whether she is being abused in some way or other, she is a 5 year old and deserved better treatment than she got from a grown up.

The phrase 'Pay it forward' is something that we can all do. Basically, if you show a stranger a kindness in some way you are not giving them that kindness, you are merely loaning it to them. they then repay you by showing another stranger a kindness when they loan it to them, if that makes sense, and so it goes on.

I just found this quote on Wikipedia : it talks about a little money, but is also used for deeds etc.

I do not pretend to give such a deed; I only lend it to you. When you [...] meet with another honest Man in similar Distress, you must pay me by lending this Sum to him; enjoining him to discharge the Debt by a like operation, when he shall be able, and shall meet with another opportunity. I hope it may thus go thro' many hands, before it meets with a Knave that will stop its Progress. This is a trick of mine for doing a deal of good with a little money.

Original poster
jessieagain · 03/08/2013 23:28

bellend there are a few children who play there unsupervised but I never had a problem with them, they were a bit older 8+ or were with an older sibling but they didnt have the same need for parental supervision that this girl had.

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 03/08/2013 23:29

That last sentence is the most normal thing you have written OP.

Alisvolatpropiis · 03/08/2013 23:31

Ooops. There have been more posts.

I don't consider myself a saint by any means. I do consider helping a crying child a normal thing to do.

How odd that you don't.

themaltesefalcon · 03/08/2013 23:32

My toddler daughter slipped out the front door of our flat unseen (when we first moved in, before we realised that it would swing open at random if not bolted) and was at the open window in the lobby, planning an escape down the fire ladder within seconds. We live on the eleventh floor.

A stranger snatched her up without hesitation and was taking her up out of danger when I came sprinting down the hall in terror.

Thank God for that kind woman, who without a thought for what anyone might think or say acted on instinct and did what was best for a young, silly, vulnerable child, and possibly saved her life. Who knows what difference the extra ten seconds before I got to her would have made? Argh...

These threads make me sick. These poor children. Who wouldn't go to see if a five-year-old who fell off a bike was hurt or not? How little humanity do you have?

AntMcPartlinsForehead · 03/08/2013 23:33

The problem here lies with the parents; I'm not sure why the OP has been crucified in such a way.

We could all sit here typing about how crushed we'd be if our 5 year-old hurt themselves without an adult being there to assist; oh give over, in the grand scheme of things not many of us can compare our own DC to that of the little girl in the OP?!

Original poster
jessieagain · 03/08/2013 23:36

themaltease that is a completely different scenario! Your daughters life was at risk! We are talking about a possible scrape or 2 Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
jessieagain · 03/08/2013 23:38

alisvolta I'm sorry but I don't know which sentence is my most normal thing I've written?

OP posts:
Roshbegosh · 03/08/2013 23:38

What's your point Ant? How relevant is it if our DC isn't comparable with the 5 yr old in the post?

Alisvolatpropiis · 03/08/2013 23:38

I hope you stick around on MN OP. I'm interested to see how your attitude evolves as your ds gets older.

Because you seem to have been brought up in a child free bubble.

To be frank you come across as being pretty unpleasant.

Alisvolatpropiis · 03/08/2013 23:40

Your post at 22:57 OP. I forgot to refresh the page before commenting!

Original poster
jessieagain · 03/08/2013 23:40

I am serious, I'm interested in what my 'normal' sentence is?

OP posts:
Original poster
jessieagain · 03/08/2013 23:41

Sorry crossed posts.

OP posts:
Roshbegosh · 03/08/2013 23:44

A possible scrape or two. Well scuttle away home and leave her to it then! I think a kind word would not have killed you and she would not have contaminated you or your child. Don't report anything to anyone because it is the parents fault?? Many have questioned your humanity, what about your logic?

AntMcPartlinsForehead · 03/08/2013 23:46

Roshbegosh I made my point upthread; there are thousands of young children left out to play on their own on a regular basis. Nope, it's not desrirable, but for many, it's the norm. My own neices and nephew were brought up that way. It happens.

Not all of them are at risk, but please speak up even if you think you might be overreacting. Even if you're wrong, no harm can be done.

T'was all I was saying?

Original poster
jessieagain · 03/08/2013 23:46

alisvolt interestingly I wasn't brought up in a child free bubble but I had a very unsupervised childhood. Which is why I feel so strongly about supervising and parenting my own ds and am very annoyed with her parents laziness and lack if supervision. My experiences as a child make me very distrustful of strangers, even now, which is why I did not go over and help her.

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 03/08/2013 23:49

I did say earlier that I feel for you insofar as you have obviously been affected by some aspects of your childhood and it bothers you to this day.

I still don't think you behaved appropriately in that moment though. Please try and bear in mind that 5 is so little, as the adult here you can control the situation.

Alisvolatpropiis · 03/08/2013 23:51

Totally agree her parents selfish. They are at best naive and a bit clueless about parenting.

cjel · 03/08/2013 23:54

You may all think OP is horrible and odd, but all of us carry things from our past. not many of us are undamaged by it, This post seems to enable you all to think that OPs damage is worse than all yours because you don't have her problem you are therefore better.

I think that in a perfect world OP wouldn't have had this damage from her experience as a child but she has and telling her to grow up and get over it isn't helpful.

Would it be possible to now encourage OP to look at how her response it seen by others and perhaps to try and get some help to undo her damage? The she would be able to be more open to seeing children the same way as others do.

Original poster
jessieagain · 03/08/2013 23:55

I honestly don't think I would do it differently though, I didn't ignore her, I stopped and called out that she was ok and she should go home now. Just like the first time I met her and she was crying because she wanted to come to the park I told her she should go home or go to the park with her parents, I don't understand how saying these things are unkind. I thought they were more reassuring things to say.

OP posts:
Original poster
jessieagain · 03/08/2013 23:59

Even with my own ds when he hurts himself I get him up again and play down what happened by reassuring him that he is ok as I don't want him to become used to being a victim, I want him to be able to grow up to be self reliant. Is this not correct?

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 04/08/2013 00:00

I don't think I am better than OP cj. I would have handled the above situation better. That's not the same thing at all.

OP

Perhaps read through the thread and see the reasoning of all those who have posted. I'm sure you're not a horrible person at all, I apologise if I have been rude. If you don't understand why people are disagreeing with you then take the time to check it out perhaps. In your own time, with no obligation for you to announce you suddenly agree.

IsisOhIsis · 04/08/2013 00:01

Nothing you've said actually sounds as though this child was behaving in an emotionally unstable fashion or was "all over the place".