Aibu to have bad vibes and avoid unsupervised, 5 year old neighbour

[jessieagain]

I am wondering if I'm being unreasonable about this and what you would do. We have recently moved into a new flat. Next to our flat is a playground.

I take my 2 year old there a couple of times a week.

I doesnt get used much as there is a big and much better playground in a park close by. Occasionally there are 1-2 children there with their parents, sometimes a couple of 4-10 years olds together or an older child 9+ by themself. My son is quite interested in playing with other people and usually runs up to them so we end up having a chat.

Twice however there has been a young girl about 5 who has been by herself, she has a bike with her that makes my son pretty excited about so he runs over to her.

The first time she was quite bossy to him about not touching her bike and was shouting no at him, so I distracted him and got him away to play on the swings. She followed us over and kept trying to talk to him and me, I tried to discourage her hanging around us by not really answering her questions andby talking to ds but she kept in trying to talk to us. I decided to leave the playground and take ds to the park so we could get away from her and she suddenly started whining and begging to come too. I said she couldn't as she needed her own parent to take her and she started shouting an crying saying that she wanted to come and it wasn't fair etc. I said goodbye, picked up ds and walked away quickly.

Yesterday we met her again at the playground and it started similarly with her saying ds couldn't touch her bike so I told ds we needed to go back to our flat (fortunately he had had enough of a play so didnt mind). I picked him up and started walking away. She started running towards us with her bike, shouting for us to not go and then she fell over on top of her bike and started crying as well. I was about 6 metres away from her by then, so called out that she was ok and should go home to her parents and kept walking away.

I was very uncomfortable about this whole situation, I think she is far too young to be by herself and her behaviour is too erratic and hysterical so I don't want her near me or ds. I get a really bad vibe around her and don't want to be around her again, but I feel bad about this as she is only a little girl. Aibu about this?

Emilythornesbff has hit the nail on the head.

Read her post, OP. Read it, and then remember what the five year old you would have felt and needed in this situation.

Sad thread.

You are all looked at the unintended consequences of the good intentions of the welfare state, where people who shouldn't be allowed to have a dog, are given benefits because they had a child.

And the police and SS CANNOT fill the cracks.

In older, harsher times children like this would have been adopted.

The world is unjust and always will be. So which outcome is better for these children?

Just putting it out there for lefty MN to ponder on.

Haven't read the thread [cardinal sin]

IME 5 year old girls make fantastic playmates for 2 year old boys in playparks.

You get to sit and do nothing while your toddler gets mothered and looked after by a slightly bossy (as a lot of 5 year olds are!) girl.

In a similar situation, I know of a boy who is needy and appears to have a chaotic home life. Like the OP I am not good at chatting to young kids, and really don't want to take responsibility for him.

But I HAVE to take responsibility, because it is everyone's duty to safeguard children. So I keep an eye on him, check he's okay if he seems upset, and have twice told his school about my concerns.

It's what civilised people do, even if it's uncomfortable.

Bore off back to Daily Mail Land, Wellwobbly.

What a load of crap Wellwobbly.

Are you seriously saying it is better for kids to stay with their blood family even if crap than to be adopted?

There is absolutely nothing to ponder.

It is always better for everyone if people try to help.

There will always be injustice, shit parents, crap lives. So what?

We all just give up, do nothing?

And yes, I think Daniel Pelka would have been much better off in care. He would still be alive for a start.

The thing that sticks out for me in all of this is that you called back to her, as she lay crying on the ground 'you're ok'. No she wasn't ok. How dare you deny her pain and her anxiety? No matter how uncomfortable this child made you feel, you do not tell someone they're ok when it's bloody obvious they're not. That's minimising. All it does is teach them that no-one will believe them when they're hurt and in pain. I'm actually getting really angry the more I think about it, the poor little mite.

Even if she actually is the bride of Chucky, she doesn't deserve that.

OP I think you need to speak to someone about your issues, as you're clearly not willing to speak to someone on behalf of a 5 year old child. This is not normal and I think you need help.

ok i've read half the thread and then just really really wanted to respond, so apologies if this has already been said, but it's actually against the law to leave your child unattended in a public place.
I don't know the set-up of the park that this took place in, but if it's open to the public in any way then i think it would count.

i used to work at a national trust place and we had to call the police twice after a lady left her kids there to play while she went off shopping.

now clearly the law is applied relative to the "crime"... so leaving your child outside a shop while you pop in to buy a paper is unlikely to result in any action being taken, but I suspect they'd take a dim view of someone leaving their child in a park that is so far from their home....

I would definitely report this. it's better to have someone look into it and find nothing untoward than no-one bothers and something is wrong

Whilst I wouldn't want anyone to ignore a child in need (and i really can't stress that strongly enough) do think that a lot of assumptions are being made about this little girl's circumstances.

thisisyesterday good point.
at kids being left to play at NT place.

I agree with Emilythornesbff that there's a lot of assumptions being made about the little girl; particularly as the OP says on her first post that she's only come across the girl in the park twice?! I'd bet my last quid there's tens of thousands of young children riding around on their bikes, unsupervised, up and down the country. But if you get that feeling that any one of those children are acting innapropriately around strangers, seem distressed, you need to speak up. There's no harm ringing 101 if you suspect a child is being neglected or is at risk of harm; you don't have to give your name. Just say something, please.

OP, you do seem overly paranoid;I know you've explained your upbringing but your feeling threatened by this girl isn't rational (I do get that your DS is 2 and a 5 year old probably comes across as being GINORMO KID but nope, she's just a baby herself, having only been on this planet a mere 5 years). Part of me wonders of the reason you walked away when she fell (and worrying that your DS would be blamed) is because you feared what her parents might think/say?

Hopefully there's other parents that use this park that have met this little one and are prepared to speak out if all is not as it should be.

I must admit I am on the fence about whether this is a reportable thing. But better safe than sorry.

If the OP had been arsed about anybody other than herself she might have found out more about the little girl and her situation.

I just can't get over her walking away from a crying 5 year old. 5 year olds are so little ffs!

A little girl fell off her bike right in front of me at the end of last year. Literally at my feet. I could see her parents rushing towards her but they'd been dawdling and she'd got a bit ahead of them. I helped her up and what not without thinking twice about it. I don't even have children. I find it really odd that OP's "maternal instinct" seems to only apply to her own child.

Agree with Emily and all other posters... She's a little girl and you should have found out where her parents where. And comforted her. End of.

Sounds daft but it makes me wonder just how many times this little girl falls and hurts herself in that park on a regular basis, without any adult there to ask if she's OK. It was mean of the OP to walk off and leave her when she fell from her bike, but if she's left to her own devices on a regular basis she's no doubt getting into all kinds of scrapes without anyone there to care.

Where are her parents?!

the thing is though, you ringing SS or whoever doesn't necessarily mean action will be taken. so if you aren't sure it's a reportable thing, ring anyway!
you can just ask for advice... explain the situation and that you weren't sure whether to act on it or not. It's then up to them to decide whether action of any kind needs to be taken.
you've done your bit, then you let them do theirs

I am quite surprised people feel so strongly about me not doing anything when she fell over.

If my ds was in the exact same scenario (although I would be near by, as he wouldn't be out unsupervised) I honestly wouldn't have a problem with someone doing what I did, I wouldn't expect more!!

She was ok, I didn't minimise the situation, she got up off her bike after she fell and seemed fine, apart from crying which she was already doing as she didnt want us leaving. She might have a scrape but that is not a big problem and that is why I told her to go home so her parents could fix her up.

Thank you to whoever said to call the police, the playground is open to public as there are no gates (apart from the child safety gate around the playground that is broken anyway) so that is what I will do if I see her again. She shouldn't be out alone at that age at all and it makes me angry that she is. Actually after reading some of your responses I am pretty annoyed at the whole scenario and especially annoyed at her parents for being lazy and putting other parents and adults in the position of having to potentially look after her. Call me selfish, but her parents are much more selfish!

You come across as being very cold OP. Have you no empathy for this little girl? Just bleating on about how her parents have inconvenienced you!! You sound like a lovely person. Your son is so lucky.

Situations like this make me very uncomfortable as I have no kids. Recently while taking my friend's 2 yr old to the park another child fell over in front of me and whacked his head. My automatic response was to pick him up onto his feet and ask him if he was ok and 'where is mummy/daddy?' Mum then came running over amd he was fine. Afterwards I had visions for the mum yelling at me to get off her pfb. Unlikely but it did cross my mind.

A five yr old with a baseball bat would make me nervous because I have no reall expreience of five yr olds and wouln't feel confident enough to 'tell off' someone's child.

But I couldn't walk away from a crying child. I would help her up, check she was ok and see if I could walk her home. But even as a female I would worry about what was appropriate.

OP, everyone suggesting calling SS or the police absolutely agrees with you that her parents aren't taking proper responsibility for her and that she shouldn't be out alone.

jessie you've only seen her twice; no harm in ringing the police, but I'm certainly not going to verbally beat you up over a child you've barely had much interaction with.

If she is neglected your call might just be the push that's needed to ensure she's taken better care of. If she's not, your call won't do any harm, either way.

There is a group of children who play out in my street, some of whom must be around this age and its always struck me that they are very young to be out on their own, sometimes for long periods of time and out of sight of their own houses (but on the same road iyswim) but I have a 3yo and a 1yo and nobody else seems to bat an eyelid so I thought I was overreacting. DH says he was allowed out to play in the street at that age but his mother was very laid back (allowed them to camp at 8/9) and I know things were different when we were children.

I just find it sad that communities seem to have lost their community. Nothing here suggests to me that a call to ss / police is required. A polite chat to her parents perhaps but more importantly to the girl. She's 5, she won't bite!

And for everone having a go at the OP - you just have to drive into any inner-city estate to realise that this situation isn't anything out of the ordinary; there are literally thousands of children out there whose parents aren't taking responsibility of their children, who like the child in the OP are out there alone.

It's heartbreaking; yet I'd love to see just how SS could tackle the sheer volume of neglect out there

Of course I feel sorry for her, she obviously needed parental help for her emotional development as she was all over the place emotionally. She was also obviously bored and lonely as she really wanted come to the park with us and although she was annoyed at my ds she still wanted him around.

Of course I felt sorry for her, I just don't want to become too involved with her. I particularly don't want to become involved with her parents (who I don't know but making big assumptions from her lack of supervision) I would guess they might not be particularly balanced people and I didn't want to put myself in a situation where she could blame us for falling over and then have to deal with grief from them! I that really too hard to understand.

I guess we should all be happy that the world is full of saints who would do something and that selfish, heartless me is in the minority