He hasn't text :'(

[OctopusPete8]

So...the OH is away on his Stag do, over the weekend. Just to give some quick background, I planned my Hen do first, I deiced due to cost, having children ..etc a weekend is an awfully long time so I'll just have a night ..alrighty then, all planned.
Few weeks ago, Oh I'm off to *** for a weekend, I was a bit miffed and I admitted I was jealous that he got to go away and I felt like I had to decline a weekend, its being paid for in his defence.

And then.....'Oh were going ***' Thats MY HEN DO! wasn't deliberate, but its for the convenience of a friend/personal circumstances.
He's gone today etc, etc on good terms was not deliberate if a bit thoughtless, till monday.
So yes, I am having 2 kids all weekend by myself and have to get to my childcare myself, with no car going down 3 flights of stairs.

And......its nearly 10pm no text, no "how are the kids" "how are you?"

Has updated fb twice though....
I felt quite hurt and humilated ,
AIBU.

I think you are NBU at all because of the timing of the weekend-he should have said 'sorry no can do' as soon as it was suggested.He didn't and he has phoned now.I hope you can enjoy your hen night but when he comes back you must arrange a weekend away with a friend [preferably at the time of this second do] and present it as a fait accompli.But please don't allow this squabble to spoil your wedding anticipation.You and your dp love eah other-he has been inconsiderate but you can get past it.Just take some time for yourself when he gets back.

I feel sorry for you ScottishMummy if you think such lack of consideration is acceptable in a relationship.

A man or woman with a family, of course a weekend away is fine, but it's normal to send a wee text to say you arrived at destination or whatever, it's not about being controlling or not trusting its just manners.

Thanks Imperial, it's a shame really.

I really don't see how it's 'minor' to have your hen party arrangements messed up and to take second place to fb updates. If I were you op I would be having massive second thoughts about getting entangled in a marriage with someone so selfish.

I fail to see how expecting some basic manners, consideration and respect from a DP can be in any way deemed as controlling or whinging.

DH often spends nights away from home on business - maybe twice a month - not lots compared to many, I know - but he always texts me to update of his journey etc, and phones to speak to the kids at bedtime - and texts us all before school the next day - not because he thinks I can't cope, or the kids are pining for him - and not because I demand it and would huff if he forgot - but because he is part of our family and all its daily ins and outs, ups and downs. He loves us, he misses us, he is concerned for us and he wants to let us all know that.

I'm not velcroed to my dp,I'm capable of doing my thing when he away
If he's was off on a jolly I'd not expect him to txt,nor would I be hutprt or humiliated
I'd get in some foodi like,fave box set,jump on sofa when kids in bed.sound great

No, but if you had arranged a night out, would you expect him to go away for the same weekend, thus leaving you to organise childcare-to which you have to take the children yourself?

I don't think there's anything wrong with not texting your girlfriend on your stag night, but the OP is not being unreasonable to be pissed off at having her hen night plans messed around, and at the apparent unbalance in looking after the kids and having nights off.

My children aren't an imposition it's no hardship to watch your own kids
Stag dos can be protracted,I'd not be annoyed if didn't hear from him
We maintain contact if one of us away work stuff.but socially if I'm out I'm out,I'm not texting.he know where I am with whom

I began a long response on my phone then someone rang me and I lost it. I think the rest of the thread has indicated that there's a lot more good news on than the I initial failure to text and the resentment about the weekend and I now think my reaction was premature. I'm now in agreement with those who are hoping that the OP and her partner find better ways of communicating on adult levels so that they can move forward.

Also the fact that an additional weekend appears to have been arranged without the OP even being aware let alone consulted is absolutely not on and totally disrespectful.

Sorry A lot more going on, not good news.

scottishmummy it's obviously about more than texting and looking after the children and a lot of information has filtered through since the beginning. Surely you can see that?

thegreylady
How would the OP arranging a night out with friends deliberately to coincide with his second planned weekend improve their relationship or communication? That's just game playing.

I don't have a husband and we don't do drugs,mixup.please refrain from making things up
With op Yes there are relationship issues evident from 1st post
One does not get that het up and humiliated over minor communication

I posted earlier in the thread and because I didn't say " aww, hun, never mind, all us mutthas are downtrodden" no doubt I will be tarred with the same brush as scottishmummy.
I can now see the fuller picture but my comments essentially remain the same:

1. Get a grip - on yourself and how you view your relationship. Things are clearly strained and i hope you can establish that you matter too. Time to put your foot down and ensure that you are treated equally, If he can't see that, then give the ring back and LTB.
2. Passive agressive nonsense and relationships conducted on Facebook - if you have something to say, say it to him direct. Don't hope he picks up on it via telepathy or via a post on a "wall" Things will not last long if you cannot communicate as equals.
3. Please reconsider whether the relationship gives you all you need before marrying him - things sound hideous and I hope you have some RL support. Postpone if needed, do not marry in haste and repent in leisure.
4. Are you in an equal relationship - some of the things you posted could equate to an abusive controlling relationship if he disregards you and things are not on an equal footing financially.

I do think that there are bigger things going on and his "not text" is just the tip of the icebery.

Good luck to you.

To be fair to SM though, she has been very kind and supportive on other threads I've read.

not that I've noticed her MN name of course.

What I'm saying on thread,I'd say to a pal.id be just as candid

It is valuable when you know someone who'll tell you the honest truth, but it's a double edged sword, because what they see as plain speaking can come across as unnecessarily spiteful and a bit selfish if the truth be known.

Selfish in that (the people I know anyway) feel they have a right to say what they think regardless of its impact, and they're far above couching anything in the soft tones other people might use.

They would see any lack of force in what they're saying as somehow not communicating just how strongly they feel about whatever it is.

Not applying that to you SM of course just thinking out loud.

If my friend were in pieces and feeling that gamut of emotions,yes I'd be candid
If your significant relationship makes you feel hurt,humiliated something is amiss
Communicating angst,upset on to partner on fb is sign of broken communication

Posting about it on fb is washing your oil stained laundry in a selective public.

Thread isn't about me,or a précis of my posts
I haven't written anything here I wouldn't say
Now folk can clutch their pearls about that,and revert to youse a bad un stance