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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He hasn't text :'(

364 replies

OctopusPete8 · 01/08/2013 22:01

So...the OH is away on his Stag do, over the weekend. Just to give some quick background, I planned my Hen do first, I deiced due to cost, having children ..etc a weekend is an awfully long time so I'll just have a night ..alrighty then, all planned.
Few weeks ago, Oh I'm off to *** for a weekend, I was a bit miffed and I admitted I was jealous that he got to go away and I felt like I had to decline a weekend, its being paid for in his defence.

And then.....'Oh were going ***' Thats MY HEN DO! wasn't deliberate, but its for the convenience of a friend/personal circumstances.
He's gone today etc, etc on good terms was not deliberate if a bit thoughtless, till monday.
So yes, I am having 2 kids all weekend by myself and have to get to my childcare myself, with no car going down 3 flights of stairs.

And......its nearly 10pm no text, no "how are the kids" "how are you?"

Has updated fb twice though....Sad
I felt quite hurt and humilated ,
AIBU.

OP posts:
Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 02/08/2013 14:36

I have told a RL friend, she says she can see why I am annoyed.

OP posts:
Thisisaeuphemism · 02/08/2013 14:39

I can't imagine not having the time/will to text 'how are the kids' yet uploading stuff on Facebook.
Weird priorities.
I feel for you op.

LadyMilfordHaven · 02/08/2013 14:41
Grin
Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 02/08/2013 14:43

well nothing else has been uploaded since when I said,

OP posts:
dirtyface · 02/08/2013 14:45

yeah i hate this macho all boys together bullshit where their mates pressure them into not speaking to their wife or kids

on one night, yeah, fine

but a whole weekend abroad, erm, no

people do get carried away with stag / hen parties. most of them seem to be expensive weekends away, i am currrently being pressured into attending one in blackpool with male strippers and pole dancing lessons. cringe.
i have been married twice. the first time me and exDH had separate nights out with our friends. then the 2nd time round me and my now DH didn't even bother with a hen / stag do, dh didn't want one and i wasn't bothered either as my last one was cringey tbh

TobyLerone · 02/08/2013 14:54

I think we can all see why you're annoyed.

It's the 'devastation' and willingness to ruin your entire weekend stewing about it which some of us are struggling to understand.

AnyFucker · 02/08/2013 14:54

DF, I would give that horror weekend the swerve

I would rather chew my own arm off

TobyLerone · 02/08/2013 14:56

Oh god, me too

HappyMummyOfOne · 02/08/2013 14:57

Im on the fence on this one, he's on his stage do and I imagine most men dont phone or text much whilst on them. It also makes sense to have both nights out same weekend as you have a sitter rather than stagger them.

However as you have children, i dont see the need for either do. I thought they were for dating people before settling down.

You do need to get a grip though re whining over being left with the children. Thas what parents do, its not like its unknown. If you are not happy being a SAHM then find work and childcare. Putting all the financial pressure on one person so another adult doesnt have to work can be hard for the worker without hearing moaning that the other feels like a nanny.

Original poster
OctopusPete8 · 02/08/2013 15:06

HappyMummy you're really missing the point thats the nicest way I can say it.

Are you fucking kidding me with that last line? I'll leave it there.

This was supposed to be MY weekend, MINE and I have been scuppered.

I have contact, I did delve to the dark side and post an annoyed status, to just vent as I was talking to a mate,low and behold contact.

OP posts:
dirtyface · 02/08/2013 15:08

yep me too AF and toby

:o

its my best friend's as well. am ttc so rather hoping to be upduffed by then so i have a good, solid excuse. if not, i foresee myself coming down with a bad bout of flu......

(am not ttc JUST to get out of the hen weekend btw...... ;) )

AnyFucker · 02/08/2013 15:11

I would actually go that far, DF Grin

livinginwonderland · 02/08/2013 15:12

What did he say, OP?

TobyLerone · 02/08/2013 15:12

I think that TTC to get out of a hen weekend in Blackpool is entirely justified.

AnyFucker · 02/08/2013 15:14

OP,, I don't think you are taking onboard any advice from this thread are you ?

Passive aggressive FB statuses are not the way to sort out fundamental problems in a relationship

I suspect that you two are actually as bad as each other, in different ways

I think your marriage is on dodgy foundations, sorry, if the pair of you don't buck up your ideas about what constitutes grown up communication

LouiseAderyn · 02/08/2013 15:17

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TobyLerone · 02/08/2013 15:20

Happy said nothing about 'the evils of being a SAHM'. She (quite rightly) said that if the OP is as unhappy as she seems with being the primary carer for her children all the time, perhaps she ought to look into ways of changing the situation for her own benefit.

PomBearArmy · 02/08/2013 15:27

So, you only get a night out and he gets a stag weekend, with a reprise night out a few weeks later? It's not on. They may be paying for his travel and hotel but who is paying for his food, drink and whatever else. It's shocking how much money you can piss away on these thing without even realising.

I would find out how much money he spent on this weekend if he expects another night out. I assume you have a joint bank account?

Is the wedding all booked and paid for? If not, consider putting it back a few months and enjoy a proper hen weekend, have a discreet word with your Mum/sister tonight and ask if they could discuss organising it for you with the others. (Thee are some fairly decent groupon type deals around, it doesn't have to break the bank!)

LouiseAderyn · 02/08/2013 15:30

Yes she did. She basically implied that the OP has no grounds for complaint when she is dumped on and treated like a nanny because of all the pressure the sole wage earner is under.

Getting a job wouldn't alter her partner's attitude and the sah status of the OP is completely irrelevant - she is still entitled not to be treated like staff and to have het do pull his weight!

LouiseAderyn · 02/08/2013 15:31

het do? I have fat fingers. Should say her dp.

larrygrylls · 02/08/2013 15:34

I am far from a new wave in-touch-with-my-feminine-side type of guy but this stag do thing is ridiculous!

Once one is an adult and, especially with children, one has to at least be in contact. If my friends tried to "take" my phone at any time and made communicating with my family conditional upon drinking, they would instantly be ex friends. The idea of let boys be boys is fine, when men are actually boys, and even in their early 20s and single/dating. Once one enters a serious relationship and 100 X more once one has responsibility for children, one has to be communicable with and, in my mind, although I know some will think I am going way to far, to be able to actually be coherent, too.

What is wrong with a high class meal out with lots to drink and then some risqué entertainment afterwards (or not)? I am afraid on my stag we were actually enjoying the single malts in the Park Lane hotel bar too much to actually make the risqué entertainment, but then I am (and even was on my stag) a bit older.

I really don't get the weekends/weeks away and the idea that you are single again. You're not and how can people face feeling even slightly guilty on their actual wedding day?

Wowserz129 · 02/08/2013 15:51

I would give the guy a break, he is allowed one weekend where his first thought isn't girlfriend and kids. We are all allowed to have a couple days here and there to ourselves. It's his stag do! To say you humiliated is so OTT

whois · 02/08/2013 15:51

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HappyMummyOfOne · 02/08/2013 15:55

Louise, never mentioned SAHMs were evil but then forgot that you have to agree with everyone else on MN and cant have your own opinion Hmm

The OP has moaned that she has to do all the childcare being a SAHM, which i thought was the point of being one. If she doesnt like it, she has options. Nobody is forcing her to stay home. She is an adult and in charge of her own life and destiny.

Shes spat her dummy out that her DH has had a weekend away paid for him and nobody has offered to do the same. Her hen night has childcare arranged already so its not like her DP has forced her to stay home.

Given the weed element, the lack of trust re no texting etc i think a few nights out are the least of the problems.

bigbuttons · 02/08/2013 16:00

This is no basis on which to start married life. Why are you even considering getting married to this man?