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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my kids dad is a waste of time

241 replies

Joanne279 · 28/07/2013 17:38

Hello everyone,

Just after your thoughts...

My kids aged 8 and 5 go to their dads once a fortnight from sat morning to Sunday tea time.

My first issue, are the sleeping arrangements. He lives with his gf and her 2 kids in a 2 bed house. Their dads other child sged 11, my eldest, and his gf kids aged 7 and 9 all sleep in one room. My son age 5 sleeps in their dads bed! With their bedding theyve prob had sex in! And their dad and his gf sleep on the sofa.

My second issue are the hygiene issues. They don't wash. They don't clean their teeth. He doesn't change their pants. He doesn't brush their hair! I have to send 2 changes of clothes and I'm dumped with all the washing when they get home.

My third issue are toys! Broken and dirty toys from the car boot. Today's luxury item was a china money vase with a HUGE Crack all the way round glued back together! Followed by broken Lego covered in pen! Yes you can get bargains from the carboot but every time they come home it's another bag full of crap! They break within hours of being home then I'm left with the tears of broken toys :(

I'm at my wits end. I've tried asking him about the issues and I've tried yelling but he just won't address any issue!

Seriously, am I being a bit of a snob, or is he falling a bit short of a decent standard?

Thanks.

OP posts:
ImNotBloody14 · 28/07/2013 19:04
Hmm
HeySoulSister · 28/07/2013 19:05

No we would not be encouraging him to ring social services

fakebook · 28/07/2013 19:07

Why don't your 5 and 8 year old brush their own teeth and hair?! Or even change their own underwear and clothes? Confused. My dd is 5 and wakes up and automatically washes her face, brushes her teeth and hair without any prompting from me. Surely if you've trained them to do this at home, they should just get on with it at their dad's?

Really weird reaction from you OP. Borderline hysterical.

mynameisslimshady · 28/07/2013 19:08

If you accidently forgot to brush your kids teeth or change their pants or feed them McDonalds once a fortnight zi can assure you no-one would be telling him to call social services.

You need to calm down a bit, all this talk of tirades of abuse and witch hunts is another overreaction.

WorraLiberty · 28/07/2013 19:09

If I was doing this to my kids, you would all be encouraging him to ring social services.

Seriously??

You think if you said your kids didn't change their underwear for 24hrs once a fortnight, or brush their teeth...we'd recommend he called SS?

You're coming across as though you're desperately looking for reasons to take offence here...

TheFutureMrsB · 28/07/2013 19:12

It is only once a fortnight for a day really so I wouldn't let it get to you too much, yes he is being a lazy git but if the kids are having fun there's no real harm done, bath them and brush their teeth when they get back, they obviously do it on the Sat morning before they go and then they are back Sunday teatime so it's not like they are going days without washing/brushing teeth etc. If he isn't changing them at all don't send them with clothes and when he asks you about it you can just say that you didn't think he needed them, he may get the hint then.

You have every right to be concerned about it but don't let it get it to you.

Flowers
kim147 · 28/07/2013 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mabelface · 28/07/2013 19:15

Good lord! Your reaction has (almost) astounded me, and that doesn't happen very often. I will say to you that if you post in the Am I Being Unreasonable topic, you are going to get a variety of opinions, and people are going to disagree with you. No one is personally attacking you and I've seen very little rudeness there.

As to your original post, I agree with the poster who talked about there being no set routine as the kids are only there once a fortnight and it probably is a lot easier to bung a pizza in the oven or give them a McDonalds. Do try and instill into your children that it is their responsibility to brush their teeth and wear clean clothes, and just because they're not at home doesn't mean that the rules change. You can't change how things are there, so take a deep breath, accept that it's only once a fortnight and the kids aren't being harmed in any way and parent the way you want to when the kids are with you.

dontcallmehon · 28/07/2013 19:15

Joanne - my dc have cavities from too much citrus fruit. They are no longer allowed acidic fruit. I don't like excessive junk food - but I'm talking purely from a dental health point of view. Junk food for a weekend won't be harmful if the rest of their diet is healthy, but neglect of teeth will. I was actually trying to be helpful, but you seem to be a bit defensive. For what it's worth I was supporting you!

allnewtaketwo · 28/07/2013 19:15

How on earth do you know the sheets are soiled? A 5yo would not be capable of noticing this (especially one that doesn't know to wear clean pants in the morning)

WorraLiberty · 28/07/2013 19:16

Well they haven't gone on holiday together Kim so that's a different subject entirely.

And I don't see how a child can smell if they're sent off...clean on a Saturday morning and returned home on a Sunday evening.

HeySoulSister · 28/07/2013 19:18

Hold in.... You are moaning they don't change their clothes, you provide 2 sets....... But in your op you also moan that they being dirty washing back with them for you to wash! Confused

So they are changing them!?

Original poster
Joanne279 · 28/07/2013 19:18

Thank you Kim. Apparently it's ok as long as its only twice a month :( feel sorry for the kids that live with him.

OP posts:
allnewtaketwo · 28/07/2013 19:18

Neither do I. I don't shower or bath my 5yo every day or even every other day and he never smells

Fakebook · 28/07/2013 19:19

👹

Original poster
Joanne279 · 28/07/2013 19:19

No, not changing their underwear. I've already clarified this point soul sister.

OP posts:
allnewtaketwo · 28/07/2013 19:19

There is no way that my 5yo would wear his pants 2 days in a row, he would change them.

HeySoulSister · 28/07/2013 19:21

So they have McDonald's for one of the 6 meals a fortnight they have with dad..... What they having for the other 5?

dontcallmehon · 28/07/2013 19:22

I've been extremely polite all the way through this thread and I think it's not particularly nice to be dismissive of advice (which you asked for in the OP) even if you don't agree with it. I do know what I'm talking about with regards to teeth. I would never personally attack anyone and I can see you're annoyed by the situation.

Mabelface · 28/07/2013 19:22

My boys wouldn't even think to worry about clean pants when they were 5, or even when they were 12, grubby little oiks. They're better now they're 14.

WorraLiberty · 28/07/2013 19:22

You seem to have a thing about underwear OP?

Are your kids prone to accidents?

If they are then I can see how you're upset that they're wearing the same pair of pants for just over 24hrs, once a fortnight.

But if they're not, then just have a word with them about remembering to change, or just don't worry about it.

gordyslovesheep · 28/07/2013 19:23

honestly - obviously you are irritated but it's 2 nights a MONTH where they don't change their pants or brush their teeth

They ARE old enough to be responsible for their own pants - the sheets - I think you are being a bit dramatic and broken tat - tell them to keep it at his - problem solved

hadababygirl · 28/07/2013 19:27

I don't think you're unreasonable to be irritated but I cannot for the life of me understand why this keeps happening. Why do women have children with lazy men then act astonished when the men are still lazy?

WhataMistakeaToMakea · 28/07/2013 19:29

YANBU at all. He sounds lazy and if it was short term then those sleeping arrangements would have to do but actually if it's long term it's not good enough and he should sort something better out in the space he has.

Do the other children live like this all the time? If so then that's crap and neglectful if they are not being washed or having teeth brushed ir clean clothes. I would not be happy to send my kids to stay overnight.

Op I have no idea why people are flaming you. .. no way would I want my kids having that every other weekend for the foreseeable future and five is still little to be left to do all those things alone without someone checking.

Original poster
Joanne279 · 28/07/2013 19:29

Soul sister please read my other comments. All he feeds them is McDs and pizza. Sometimes if my dd is lucky, he'll just feed her garlic bread! Super nutritional.

I'm trying to calm down but I'm honestly finding it hard to digest that certain behaviour is 'ok' because it's twice a month. Turn it around. If its only twice a month, how hard can it be to remind them to change their pants and brush their teeth?

And no, I'm not obsessed about underwear. People keep commenting on the washing and lack of cleanliness, my issue is not the clothes because those ate changed. It's the underwear that isn't.

OP posts:
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