To think my kids dad is a waste of time

[Joanne279]

Hello everyone,

Just after your thoughts...

My kids aged 8 and 5 go to their dads once a fortnight from sat morning to Sunday tea time.

My first issue, are the sleeping arrangements. He lives with his gf and her 2 kids in a 2 bed house. Their dads other child sged 11, my eldest, and his gf kids aged 7 and 9 all sleep in one room. My son age 5 sleeps in their dads bed! With their bedding theyve prob had sex in! And their dad and his gf sleep on the sofa.

My second issue are the hygiene issues. They don't wash. They don't clean their teeth. He doesn't change their pants. He doesn't brush their hair! I have to send 2 changes of clothes and I'm dumped with all the washing when they get home.

My third issue are toys! Broken and dirty toys from the car boot. Today's luxury item was a china money vase with a HUGE Crack all the way round glued back together! Followed by broken Lego covered in pen! Yes you can get bargains from the carboot but every time they come home it's another bag full of crap! They break within hours of being home then I'm left with the tears of broken toys :(

I'm at my wits end. I've tried asking him about the issues and I've tried yelling but he just won't address any issue!

Seriously, am I being a bit of a snob, or is he falling a bit short of a decent standard?

Thanks.

Oh please! So because its just 'questioning' the OP or insinuating, no one has called the OP a liar? Being subtle about calling someone a liar is still calling her a liar.

Oh please! So because its just 'questioning' the OP or insinuating, no one has called the OP a liar? Being subtle about calling someone a liar is still calling her a liar.

Well, lets be fair, she is, if her DS hasn't talked about Dad having sex, isn't she?

It's ok to lie if you're having a rant but not Ok to call someone out about it?!?

Hang on, you just said no one said they don't believe the OP, now you are saying she is lying? Why the need to dance around actually calling the OP a liar?

bunch The OP did lie/exaggerate/speculate about whether her DS was sleeping on sheets his Dad had sex on (if she didn't lie, then the DS must have disclosed that he knew they to her, in which case there is a CP issue.)

With regard to teeth brushing, washing, meals etc - no-one except the DCs dad knows the truth. The DCs are (arguably) too young to accurately recall their every move at Dads. The OP is drawing conclusions based on evidence she has seen. Others have questioned this evidence and the OPs assurances because she could not know if one aspect of her OP was true, which has undermined the confidence other posters have in her ability to be objective.

Allnew am I right in thinking that you have no children of your own ? But are in a relationship with a man who has children ? You are making yourself look absolutely ridiculous on this thread. You have a huge chip on your shoulder (a quick run through the SP forum is evidence of that) I usually hate it when posters take it on themselves to advise somebody else to step away from the computer, but in this case, I'm going to do just that. STEP AWAY FROM THE KEYBOARD.

No you're not right, you're very wrong

And obviously anyone who questions the OP, who happens to be a RP, must be a SP with no children of their own

Ahem

Sorry china but you are doing the same as allnew did earlier - questioning how anyone other than the DC's dad could know if teeth have been brushed, hair brushed, DC washed or underwear changed. It is pretty easy to know these things, even if you don't set foot in the other parent's home. I know when my DD has done any of these things or not because I've dealt with it on numerous occasions, and I can tell the difference between her having done any, some or all of those things. And that's my point. You are both suggesting that, by extension, anyone who claims to know these things must be lying/exaggerating too, by persisting with your argument that the OP is lying about every part of her initial OP.

My view of the OP is she isn't handling this situation well, and had got herself wound up to the point everything her ex does is shit/lazy/damaging to their DC and had embellished some parts of her initial rant. I don't believe, as you do, that there is no basis for her anger other than her own warped view of her ex. And therein lies the difference in our POVs. It's quite plausible her ex is a pretty shit parent, and infuriates the OP. But the key point is that the DC don't seem badly affected by him/his lack of parenting and are happy to spend time with him/his family. Disney parenting seems to be a valid argument/issue on the SP boards yet here, with this thread, it's not even a faint possibility for some posters. Far easier to call the OP a liar, either directly or indirectly. And that is what I disagree with. It hardly makes those who subscribe to that view more objective than the OP IMHO.

I don't believe, as you do, that there is no basis for her anger other than her own warped view of her ex. And therein lies the difference in our POVs.

Actually, I've made my POV very clear previously and that is that I can quite believe that these things are being overlooked by the DCs dad - but I don't believe that is a sure-fire indication of a shit parent who deserves nothing but the OPs wrath.

I l

I do love the term embellish, so much gentler than Lying, don't you think?

The whole point of the OP's rant has been about how infuriated she is with her ex and his lack of parenting, and you have stated more than once that you don't believe the OP is dealing in 'known facts'. You have gone as far to say you think she is lying about some parts of her OP and that means 'some posters' don't have confidence in the rest of her rant so it's OK to suggest she is a liar, albeit indirectly. Sorry, I can't quote as on phone but that was the jist of what I read of your posts. If you have said differently i.e. the OP isn't lying but disproportionately angry given the circumstances, then I've missed that.

I think embelish seems more appropriate - I'm not suggesting the OP has lied about what she has issues with, just that she's added details that may not be accurate. You know, the sort if thing people do when they are disproportionately angry with someone.

As entertaining as this is china, I've got lunches to sort and clothes to iron for the morning. It's been 'real' 'Night!

I don't know if this has been mentioned yet but the nit picking of hygiene, feeding and looking after may be red herrings. OP has mentioned a couple of times that ex wasnt like this when they were together so it sounds as if the OP is upset with the raw emotions after a break up.

Many people do not bath or change clothes every day, many people have fast food as meals, and a lot of people don't brush their teeth every day. No biggie. There are more important things to worry about.

The car boot idea also sounds like great fun. He doesn't sound like a bad father at all.

zippey.
maybe you may be right and some of the op may be embellished but maybe its not.
although I agree that the odd fast food meal is not a massive problem I also think that teeth cleaning should be done everyday,
I suppose its personal choice but I wouldn't want to have a day of no teeth brushing and I would never expect my children not to.
I think the thing that would get to me is that why should the dad shirk his responsibilities when he only sees his children once a fortnight?
all he has to do is make sure his children are clean and fed well once every two weeks.
why cant he do that?
and maybe the op knows her children well enough to trust that they are telling the truth?
not everyones children lie.