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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate the term full time mum

259 replies

Dylanlovesbaez · 27/07/2013 09:32

I hate it! Just because I have to go to work does not mean I stop being mum on those days! I am a full time mum and a part time worker.

OP posts:
youmeatsix · 27/07/2013 09:36

maybe you are over thinking it a little? i am a full time mum, meaning i dont go to work, obviously they go to school etc so i am not a full time mum 24 hours per day, i like being a full time mum, and dont need a "badge". To say you are a full time mum and a part time worker just sounds a bit Confused

Suelford · 27/07/2013 09:38

I always think people who describe themselves as 'full-time mums' jut have a chip on their shoulder about being unemployed, otherwise they wouldn't need to couch their status in 'job'-type terms.

Original poster
Dylanlovesbaez · 27/07/2013 09:39

I probably am over thinking it. There is a mum I know who told me I'm only a full time mum in school holidays. Just made me feel a bit shit, as if I'm less of a mum than she is.

OP posts:
GoingUpInTheWorld · 27/07/2013 09:43

To be fair it doesnt mean you stop being a mum 8 hours a day, it just means you dont look after them for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week etc if you are working full time.

I think people who dont like the term 'full time mum' are usually feeling like they dont do as much as SAHM, and therefore if they work full time, then the term 'full time mum' makes them feel inadequate.

You dont see anyone getting upset or offended about people saying they are a full time solicitor, care assistant, bank manager or whatever.

Januarymadness · 27/07/2013 09:44

Yep. I am a full time working Mum. I am a mum 100 percent of the time. Being a Mum comes first. Having a job doesn't make me any less of a Mum.

Januarymadness · 27/07/2013 09:47

The term full time Mum sugfests that anyone who works is not that. Which is factually incorrect. What is wrong with stay at home parent?

thebody · 27/07/2013 09:47

I used to work full time and was also a full time mom.

made me feel quite proud actually that I was so clever!

I have also been a sahm and now work part time. still clever😃

it's how you see yourself that matters not how others see you.

kilmuir · 27/07/2013 09:47

If you have children that go to nursery etc then you are paying someone to ' be the parent' . So yes you are not full time mum

NeedSomeSun142 · 27/07/2013 09:47

mums who work usually do ALL housework ,cook, washing cleaning AND work, sorry but being a stay at home mum is NOT a job, it's a choice. also when children are at school age there is no reason not to get a job apart from lazyness

squalorvictoria · 27/07/2013 09:48

You're over thinking it.

Also, I see a thread exactly like this posted every few weeks, and it never goes well.

Parenting isn't black and white all the time.

Just because someone says they are a "full time mum", it doesn't mean, by extension, they are calling you a part time mum.

Likewise, if someone says they are an "attachment parent", it doesn't mean, by extension, they are clung you a non-attachment parent.

I could go on.

So, when parents describe something about themselves, they tend not to be thinking about other parents or how they should be labelled.

What should full time mums / SAHMs call themselves, OP? "I'm-a-full-time-mum-but-of-course-I'm-not-saying-you're-a-part-time-mum" is a bit wordy.

Original poster
Dylanlovesbaez · 27/07/2013 09:49

It does make me feel inadequate because its to do with my child. I wouldn't be offended by other job titles as there is no emotional tie there. Within my circle of mums it's often said in such a smug way and when you say you are a working mum you get a look of pity! Also, the mums within my circle hand their children over to grandma at least once a week for 'me' time. Do they stop being a mum on that day?

OP posts:
SalaciousBCrumb · 27/07/2013 09:49

Presumably you pointed out to said mum that she's not a mum during school hours, Dylan?

She's being silly but you're also being a bit daft to let it get to you. Water. Off. A. Duck's. Back. Wink

Wallison · 27/07/2013 09:50

I think it annoys some because the descriptor of 'full-time mum' seems to imply that there are 'part-time mums' out there, which is patently nonsense; I mean, you're either a parent or you're not. Similar to a phrase I heard that 'you can't be a little bit pregnant'. Have to say though that it doesn't bother me.

raisah · 27/07/2013 09:51

I am a mum end of story regardless of employment status.

NewAtThisMalarky · 27/07/2013 09:51

Under working time regulations, full time can't be more than (iirc) 45 hours per week.... Grin

janey68 · 27/07/2013 09:51

I agree it's a bit daft. Terminology like 'full time ' 'part time' are normally used in the context of paid work, so it doesn't really make sense to apply them to anything else. It's a bit like me saying I'm a part time swimmer, because I go to the pool for a few hours a week. Being a parent is not a job, it's not something that is time framed and you have off duty times. It's something you just are, all the time once you have children.

ohforfoxsake · 27/07/2013 09:56

Kilmur and Needsomesun

You are both talking shite.

You don't outsource parenting because your kids go to school or nursery. What bollocks.

And no, it's not laziness. It can be economies of scale, needs of the children, availability of work, childcare and sometimes even freedom of choice.

But OP, I agree, the term Full Time Mum is a shit one and not a label I use. Once you become a parent you have full-time responsibility regardless of if you are mother or father, or where you or they are during an average day.

Original poster
Dylanlovesbaez · 27/07/2013 09:58

Kilmuir that hurt! Silly I know but it did! What about when children go to school? Are the teachers being paid to be the parent? If that's the case then I'm a full time mum to many children.

OP posts:
Flobbadobs · 27/07/2013 09:58

It's a daft clumsy phrase definitely but not offensive really, just a different description of a SAHM. I know what you mean about the smug thing but it works both ways. Smuggery about working vs staying at home is age old, you will never get it right by everyone and frankly I stopped caring years ago Grin. I childmind now, apart from my own youngest they're all school age but I was a SAHM for quite a while before having DD2. Not through laziness needsomesun but because of DH's working pattern and the scandalous cost of after school care here.
YABU, but I do get you. Let it roll off you.

Badvoc · 27/07/2013 10:00

Hmmm...I can see why it upsets you but as the other posters say, by paying someone else to care for your child you are therefore not a full time parent (and let's include fathers here shall we, who don't seem to feel the same angst about not being a full time parent as women do!)

Badvoc · 27/07/2013 10:02

I think the difference with teachers is that you are not paying them ( the state is) and afaik when your dc are at school teachers are "in loco parentis" so to speak.
I tend to use the term sat at home mum to describe myself but that's nit really accurate either!
I do voluntary work and care for my frail mother, so I don't stay at home much :)

candycoatedwaterdrops · 27/07/2013 10:03

The person who cares for your children during your employment hours is not their mum, they are providing childcare not being a substitute parent. Ignore kilmiur! I used to work in childcare and adored the children I worked with but in no way was I aiming to be a replacement mum. Confused

ohforfoxsake · 27/07/2013 10:04

So you aren't a parent when your kids go to school? How about when they leave home? Or go to work? Or have their own kids?

Never heard such bollocks.

MissBeehiving · 27/07/2013 10:08

The phrase doesn't make any sense because you don't parent part time but it doesn't bother me as a WOHM.

Surely the children of parent(s) who SAH can't do childcare 7 days a week 24 hours a day anyway - there are periods when their children are in the care of someone else - school, playdates, relatives etc so it's not actually accurate either.

CreatureRetorts · 27/07/2013 10:08

There shouldn't be a segregation of motherhood by hours spent with your children.

You're either a mum or you're not.

It's a way of passive-aggressively denigrating someone's choices. It says more about the person saying it than it does about you OP.

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