To hate the term full time mum

[Dylanlovesbaez]

I hate it! Just because I have to go to work does not mean I stop being mum on those days! I am a full time mum and a part time worker.

[Rufus43]

Mine are at school, the youngest is 10. Coffee lady? Sounds like I make it though...and I am crap at making tea and coffee!

Just thought that homeworker sounds like I do school homework! Scrap that

[morethanpotatoprints]

I think this is a problem of trying to find a label for what you do.
On here you are either wohp, sahp, or wahp.
That really says nothing about you as a person, your interests, hobbies, ambitions etc. Its just lumping everybody into a pre determined category.
Perhaps when people ask what you do you should provide a full list, it seems the only way to be an individual and not a label.

[kimmills222]

There's nothing like a full- time Mom, its just a term we usually use for mothers who do not work and stay at home all day long. But that does not mean that they take better care of their kids while the working mothers do not.

[fabergeegg]

In the first week of my DD's life, I found that midwives, health visitors, GPs and family friends all asked what I was 'going to do'. I thought it was obvious. It was staggering to say, 'Well, I'm at home with DD,' and see no reaction. I hadn't realised this was considered a weird thing to do. Even in the first weeks of being a mother, there was an expected date to shove the poor child into someone else's arms and hurry off to do something middle class....

[morethanpotatoprints]

Kimmills.

I don't mind the term and agree it doesn't mean they take better care of their dc, but it also doesn't tell us what that person does.
Why we live in a society that has to label and categorise everybody is beyond me. If somebody is genuinely interested in how you spend your time they will listen to it all, a label says nothing, imo.

[Yonionekanobe]

Like motherinferior I don't do the washing, I don't do the majority of the cleaning and definitely no ironing.

When it comes to the DCs, I do do all the organising, worrying and unconditional loving. Full time.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

Hmm, potatoprints - your post has me in mind to give slightly more radical, fuller, and more honest answers to the standard "What do you do ?" questions. I've rarely defined myself purely or even mainly in those terms, so why should I conform to the agenda behind the question when it's not one I share ?
So, say I get another job working P/T with young children in pre-school, why should those 20 or so hours of my week be the ones which define me most ?

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

I think I might start saying "I'm a mother to dd and ds" and then, if applicable "and I also work in X pre-school with the littlies" or something like that. Don't see why paid employment should always come first
(though maybe that's why I currently don't have any !)

[LimitedEditionLady]

I know its been said already but im a mum for the rest of my life even when im at work part time and even when theyve grown up and left home.I dont pay anyone to be a parent,they dont parent kids at nursery .Take it whoever said that is "a full time mum"(SAHM) and clearly think that they are a better mum than the ones who have to work.I love that my child goes to nursery and DC enjoys his time with other children and adults,doesnt make me not his mum while hes there.

[LimitedEditionLady]

It must upset mothers who work full time when they hear im a full time mum musnt it?id be hurt and i think we get enough guilt trips as mums.aww but being a mum is the best x

[peteypiranha]

I work full time and Im a full time mum. I would never call myself that though as think its a ridiculous term.

[peteypiranha]

I say I work full time and I have got 2 kids and if I didnt work I would say I look after the kids.

[morethanpotatoprints]

Juggling

I agree totally.
On here I would say I'm a sahm because its the shortest nearest answer that people can relate to, but there are many different roles I choose within this including but not only Wife, cook, cleaner, H.educator, unpaid assistant, etc. I hardly ever stay at home, too
Maybe parents who woh find it easier to define themselves i.e job title and mum to dc.

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

I have been a parent for 15 years.
I have never once, in all that time felt the need to specify that I am a parent, full time or otherwise.

I have a job. I have 3 children.
That is it.

I very much doubt my DH has ever had to explain that he is a full time worker and a full time father either.

I just don't get it.

If you choose to stay at home with your children and you enjoy it then good for you. Describe yourself however you wish, whatever you feel comfortable with.

Someone describing themselves as a full time mum doesn't mean they think they are a better parent, or somehow they are trying to put me down.
It means they have made different choices to me.

That's ok, you know. Even on Mumsnet that's ok.

It doesn't mean I am a part time parent. It means I have 3 children who I look after, feed, clothe, love, just like every other parent. The amount of time I spend doing that is irelevant. There are no prizes for spending the most amount of time with your child. It is just what we, as individuals choose to do.

Being a parent is not something you can do on a part time basis. You can't say ok ill love them for 25 hours a week, and then ill have some time off.
It's not a job. It's being a parent. You don't forget you have children if you go to work, or go to the gym, or send them to grandma for the weekend.

[scottishmummy]

I've never introduced myself or anyone else as parent.it comes up but not as opener
if it social do will mention job,a skill (great baker),or some such to keep conversation going
Full time mum is a term of choice for mother superiors,to obviously try put boot in

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

"to obviously try put boot in"

I really don't think it is used like that sm - not by most people anyway

[scottishmummy]

In my experience,yes the mother superiors do use fulltiime mum as a dig
i see on thread some concur.not unlike outsource etc all those terms are same ilk
It's not a biggie,nor is it particularly original.

[martini84]

Wonder why women get worked up about these things. A man defines themself by their job or career generally. I don't think a man would be offended by the phrase full time dad.
I have never used the phrase full time mum but I do not think those that do mean it as a slur on working mums. Both sahm and working mothers can be good or bad parents. It down to the individuals.
Icsahm at the moment and that doesn't make me a better parent than a wohm.
It also does not make me lazy or workshy thamk you.

[TheYamiOfYawn]

If anyone asks, I say I am a SAHP because it seems to be the generally accepted term, but before I knew that some people found it offensive, I used to call myself a full time mum. It was in no way intended as a criticism of other mothers who worked outside the home, but as a description of what I did during the 40 hours a week when I would have been working in my old job.

I really wish that there was a word that meant the childcare aspect of parenthood, rather than the relationship and care side of things, which are full-time for all involved parents.

In my case, I was made redundant when I was pregnant, and I couldn't afford to go back.to work.

[Pitmountainpony]

Stay away. Of course not. I will become a working mother then if I am lucky enough to find work.

I think it is up to people how they define themselves and if you are so easily offended by someone,s self description , well that is a problem for you.

I used to work full time and now I work full time caring for my children.what are the choices.
Housewife
Stay at home mum
Full time mum
All short hand for saying you are caring for you child in lieu of a full time job. Since everyone is so obsessed by what people,do it is just a quick way of saying you are currently not working outside the home , just at home and with your kids.

It is very complicating to draw out from this that this means a working parent is a part time parent. I have never heard anyone say this unless itbis an insult. If you take an insult from someone stating they care for their child every day, rather than pay others to do so , through choice or necessity, then frankly you are choosing to be offended and also being a little dogmatic and domineering in how you think others should describe their current role in life.

[mrsfrumble]

I say I'm on a career break. And as I always have my two very small children with me it's obvious why.

I think it's hard for many SAHPs to find a descriptive term they feel comfortable with. Most will have worked before having children and will be used to having a job title they could define themselves by, and as this thread proves people have wildly differing opinions on what SAHP / housewife / homemaker / whatever actually involves. So while I can understand the problem with 'full time parent', I wouldn't automatically assume that it was being used to imply superiority, more likely someone just struggling to give a name to what they do all day.

I had to tick 'homemaker' (I'm in the US) on an insurance application for the first time last week. It made laugh and cringe at the same time, with its suggestion of pinny-wearing 1950s domestic perfection; so far from the state of chaos that reigns in our home.

[Poppy4453]

I'm a SAHM, it difficult to know what to call myself really.

Housewife sounds so 50's.
SAHM a bit odd.
Full time mum not so sure about that.
I don't work sounds unemployed and lazy.

someone said "oh your just a mum" to me the other day. I gasped!

Is there a title which says I had a really good job now I have the luxuary of not working and enjoying my children?

[martini84]

Actuaalt the only person i know who used the term full time mum was a wohm mum .

[martini84]

Actuaalt the only person i know who used the term full time mum was a wohm mum .

[mynameisnotmichaelcaine]

I think if something makes you feel guilty you really have to examine what that says about you. I used to HATE the term full-time Mum when I left my dd in nursery when she was a baby. I knew it would have been better for her to be with me all of the time. I was then a SAHM for six years, and didn't really notice or care how others described themselves, as I felt happy with my choice. Same now I am back at work - I feel it's the best fit for my family so plain don't care how others run their families, and how they describe themselves.