To hate the term full time mum

[Dylanlovesbaez]

I hate it! Just because I have to go to work does not mean I stop being mum on those days! I am a full time mum and a part time worker.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

I've already paid for half of the roof over my children's heads Jinsei. Just saying !
And even if I don't pay for the food we eat I contribute to it's value by preparing and cooking it, something that in theory at least you'd otherwise have to pay someone else to do.

I do also think the post you quoted from is ridiculous though "by paying someone else to care for your child you are therefore not a full time parent" Are they serious ?

After all "It takes a village to raise a child"

[PearlyWhites]

Tuna are you a single mum?

[pianodoodle]

I don't really find it offensive. Maybe I just don't read into these things enough :)

I usually assume full time mum means SAHM or whatever - the main carer during the days. I wouldn't think of it as not a job even though it isn't paid as it's something you might pay someone else to do as their job.

It's just a way of describing what you do day to day really. Describing yourself as "unemployed" doesn't really seem to fit in those circumstances.

As part of my last job I had to ask people their occupation for a form and so many people said oh I'm "just" a SAHM in an apologetic tone and it made me sad that they saw this an inferior somehow :(

[NameThatTuna]

Not anymore, ex and I split 5 years ago so both in new relationships. Why do you ask Pearly?

[PearlyWhites]

Tuna, because you said I have bills to pay rather than we. Please don't feel guilty for getting your dc up early.

[Jinsei]

I've already paid for half of the roof over my children's heads Jinsei. Just saying ! And even if I don't pay for the food we eat I contribute to it's value by preparing and cooking it, something that in theory at least you'd otherwise have to pay someone else to do.

Yes, I'm not suggesting for a moment that you're any less a parent because you don't pay for food or whatever. Merely making the point that parenting is much more than childcare.

[NameThatTuna]

No worries Pearly, bit of a sore subject for me. I've had that comment directed at me before. Sorry for jumping on you like that.

The getting up early thing, most people do that but DD was tested for dyslexia recently. I keep wondering if it really is dyslexia and not the fact that she's so tired all the time. She begs me to get another job every morning. DP starts work at the same time I do and he's in management so can't share the drop offs.

Ive been looking for other jobs for months, but can't afford a drop in wages. 9-5 jobs in my sector are like gold dust.

[stopgap]

In the two years I've stayed at home with my toddler, not one person has questioned my choice, questioned the validity of taking myself out of the workplace for a few years, implied that I'm "unemployed", a drain on society or living off my husband.

It must be awfully draining to have the kind of run-ins that are so frequently mentioned on MN.

[internationallove985]

I don't think women can win either way really. If you go to work you'll always have people saying you shouldn't be going to work your full duty is to your d.c and if you don't go to work others will call you lazy ect. which brings to the age old saying "You can please some of the people some of the time but you can't please all the people all of the time.
Off topic a bit here but it's sort of the same thing. I am a lone parent and I have always worked through choice and also due to new government laws lone parents have to work come hell or high water which I think is wrong it should be a personal choice as everyone's needs are very very different.
Yet I know of co-habitating couples living together where the mother doesn't work yest she is seem as a home maker and wholesome. However if a lone parent doesn't work she's seen as a scrounger and lazy. I have always wondered why morally it's one rule for one and one rule for the other.
I once heard or rather witnessed a debate between 2 mums at the nursery gate 1 mum was a stay at home married mum with about 4 kids the other was a single mum with 1 child and it went like this.
Married mum.. Are you going to get back to work now ....... is about to start school...... There's a job going in the school office.
Single mum.... Oh I'm not sure.
Married mum.... Oh you should do.. You've no excuse to sitting at home when they're in school.
Single mum.... But you don't work.. What's the difference.
What could the married mum say to that?
I couldn't believe this womens' audacity I wanted to say something to her but it was none of my business. I wouldn't dream about questioning other people's lives xxx

[pianodoodle]

Same here stopgap I think whatever works for your family and your circumstances isn't something anyone should have to justify to others.

I teach part time in the evenings and a couple of times parents have referred to it being a bit of extra money for me like it's pocket money or something?! Not so it's the grocery money or whatever but it all goes into the same pot and is much needed!

[Livingondaisland24]

It just means that you're wiping their bums, feeding and cuddling your child rather than paid staff like nannies or nursery workers.

[pommedechocolat]

Passive aggressive much livingdaisies?

[pommedechocolat]

linvingon sorry

[TheMagicKeyCanFuckOff]

I agree internationalllove - mothers are damned if they do, damned if they don't

[TheMagicKeyCanFuckOff]

Livingon I wipe their bums, I cuddle them, I feed them. I can only afford to do that if I work.

[Viviennemary]

No I don't like the term full time Mum either. When you're at work you don't cease to be a Mother! SAHM is slightly better. I absolutely do not agree with the sentiment that if you pay somebody to care for your child you are not a full time parent. So when your child goes to school or a few mornings at a playgroup or similar you are not a full time parent. No I just can't see this at all.

[pianodoodle]

I think it refers to being the main day to day carer of your child rather than implying someone is not a mum or dad all the time.

That's what I've always taken it to mean anyway. I don't think it's a term loaded with offence unless you look for it.

[badguider]

I work, and I don't mind people who don't saying they are 'full time mums' - afterall I do understand why they wouldn't want to say 'stay at home mum' as if they don't ever leave the house! Or 'housewife' which is inaccurate if they spend most time doing childcare not housework.

Yes, even though I work I am always a 'mum' all the time (nursery and mil would both call me the minute they had any concerns about ds)...

But I appreciate that sahms / f-tmums / whatever have no easy way to describe what it is they do.

[ohforfoxsake]

There's not really any term to describe not working, not job seeking, not having pre-school age children that isn't slightly demeaning.

It doesn't help when people on here don't support the cause by branding SAHM 'lazy' and sit on their fat arses smoking fags and watching Jezza all day. Nor being part-time parents because they are working - not caring enough to be there to wipe their own child's arse. It's just more of the same stupid MN throw away comments which helps no one and only succeeds to make people feel bad about their situation.

I do wish there would be some thought before posting sweeping generalisations based on limited, assumed experiences.

[MangoJuiceAddict]

I hate the term. I don't work. My DD goes to school. I start uni in September. I see friends. I am ME. I'm not in 'mum mode' constantly. I'm not a stay at home mum. Labels are just a bad idea, everybody and every family dynamic is different and constantly changing.

[specialagentmama]

I work outside the home but im a mother all the time.im parenting while at work as my wages puts fiod in their bellies and a roof over their heads.

[martini84]

Not this one again. Just another opportunity for mums to criticize other people, s choices. Started immediately with comment about lazy sahm of school agedchildren.
O and yes we are all full time mums whether working or whatever. Just a phrase like sahp wohp. Not need to get stressed over.
Mem never seem bothered by this kind of thing. If they are asked they will say they are a doctor or whatever.

[peteypiranha]

Anyone saying this is cringey. I often see it on facebook 'full time mummy to little man' or even worse under the job description I have seen people write 'I work for my son, hes my boss' Usually the people that write this are on benefits, and arent actually doing anything.

[MammaTJ]

I am a mum 24/7. I work.

If one of my DC is ill I phone work and re arrange my shift. I am lucky that I have understanding bosses but they understand I am a mum first and formost.

I hate the term full time mum too. I think it is a stick to beat us with if we work but it may just be a SAHMs way of making themselves feel better.

[motherinferior]

Like Ahardyfool, I have a constant worry in the back of my head about sorting my kids' lives and meals and social life (which their father doesn't, even though he does do rather more housework than I do). I am a full time mum. I have worked since both my kids were four months old.