TidyDancer's bridezilla thread part 2

[TidyDancer]

New thread. :)

Good lord, elinor, is there another bridezilla out there who doesn't know the correct form with STD cards?

Yes, I agree with pictish and HoldMeCloser.

Yes Celia if Tidy does decorate it should be with lots of the classic balloon combination of two-round-ones-and-one long-one-in-the-middle, except with the long one not blown up very much.

She could draw hairs on the round ones as well.

< stylish >

BalloonSlayer you have an eye for detail. Maybe Gluezilla should have sent you a Slave the Date Card.

waltermittymisses hasn't been given enough credit for an also very credible reply:

"Dear F,

Let me clarify: this is not about my being excluded from the wedding. It's your wedding, you can invite who you like!

This is about me being excluded from the wedding and then being asked to give up my time to decorate for it.

Honestly, I think that's laughably rude. You obviously don't. Lets just end it at that and agree to disagree.

To be very clear: I won't be helping you.

Tidy "

Ooh, elinorbellowed, tell us your story!

Have you replied to the "I thought you'd want to help" message yet? Have I missed one?

I love the poems and exceptionally rude replies but in reality the more polite ones are better.

Yes, this was just blatant place-marking.

I'd hold off responding until tomorrow. Keep her waiting and wondering. (Like all the people following this thread waiting to hear her response/your response...)

Then you need to make a choice, keep it direct 'Sorry, can't...', or go into details as to why not, and how she has made you feel.

Amazing ideas on here. I particularly like FruOla, poachedeggs, and FlankShaft responses.

Can't you email her on a break so she might have replied by this evening? :o

Or a categoric: "Look, STD card IS an invitation. Now stop digging; I've had enough of you and your wilful misunderstandings. Have a nice day, and don't cintact me again."

Ok I was thinking about this more.

The problem is that any explanation of why what Gluezilla is doing is rude, relies on pointing out what is says about her and Tidy's friendship. There's no way to say "you don't value me enough for an invite but expect me to be your slave" without giving Gluezilla an opportunity to say "oh right you're hurt about the invite, this is all about your feelings/sour grapes".

Now there is one way to let her know how awful she is while making it clear you're laughing at her, not crying into your pillow - but that's by sending her a link to the threads which Tidy obviously won't want to do.

So maybe the thing to do is just one line - incredulous "Do you really not see how incredibly rude you are being?"

You could follow that up with "Although you don't value my friendship enough to invite me to your wedding after asking me to save the date, you expect me to value yours enough to give up my day to decorate your hall then leave before all your real friends arrive."

But she will just then come back with "oh I'm so sorry you are being like this" blah blah space and numbers and make it all about how she just couldn't invite you. And when she tells people about this it will be the story of how Tidy couldn't accept she wasn't invited to the wedding

Dear Twatzilla, just to be clear, I can't help with the decorating as I shall be busy cutting your face out of every photo I possess with you in it

I vote for balloons.

Dear friend with the massive brass neck,
Your text made me think, "What the heck?"
You said, "Save the date,"
"As a guest you don't rate,"
"Be a drudge in the halls I must deck."

Oh that's good LadyHarriet. Just light enough that Gluezilla might not be able to turn it back on Tidy.

BeyonceCastle brilliant

TalkativeJim gluezilla pmsl!

Which is precisely why the second reply, jokingly asking if she was actually invited after all, was a bad choice. I'm sorry, I know it's done with and can't be changed...but really - it was an ill thought out tactic, as it is now difficult to come back from without looking petty and jealous.

Personally I would focus less on the STD card. Yes she used it incorrectly / rudely, but if she genuinely misunderstood how STD cards work then it was not deliberate rudeness.

The bit that would really upset and annoy me would be that she seems to think it's such an honour / treat for me to help decorate for her wedding even though she has chosen not to invite me (and therefore made it clear we are not as good friends as I thought we were).

So I would focus on that piece of thoughtlessness and self-importance, rather than hammering home the correct use of a STD card.

Ooh, just read the first thread and this one in their entirety - unbelievable! What brass-necked cheek! Loving the response suggestions, although I suggest holding off on the sweariness and taking the 'polite but distant' route. Less fun perhaps, but leaves you the moral highground (and your emails may be shared with mutual friends!).

HoldMeCloser, that is exactly it, which is why my suggested reply on the old thread is so ACE (blow, trumpets! blow!) because it airily assumes that the only basis on which she could be asking this, is on a professional one - and attaches a high value to the OP's time.

That answer would still work. It could be really patronising - "oh dear, you are in a bit of a pickle! let me see what I can do -" in a way that positions OP as lofty and kind, rather than hurt or bitter.

OP, do it. Send a smug, complacent, patronising note offering to do the work for £500 as she is "out of her depth" and "in a pickle" and you feel so awful for her after the terrible mix up with the save the date cards, which she must be mortified about.

Has anyone read that twat Toby Young's book, How to Make Enemies and Alienate People, or something? In it, he describes how he asks someone out in America, and thinks it would be charming to ask the woman to help him move house. He might have been in with a chance, but at this point she says "What? Do you think I am a maid?" Anyway the twat is under the delusion that this would have been perceived as charming and intimate and vulnerable or something, in England. What a tosser. I know there are posh boys who think they are honouring you by inviting you to skivvy for them, but they are twats and women with any sense run a mile.

Anyway. This is what she is doing. Astonishing. OP, is she... sort of... posh? I know you said that she and her husband-to-be have normal jobs, but is her background the sort of thing where she might have a sort of county approach to the little people in the village, type thing? Might she have been brought up to expect people to be flattered by being asked to serve within her noble precincts?

If it is to be anything more than a 'LOL, no', then I vote for waltermitty's response.

Wow, this has turned into quite the witch hunt. All because someone's been thoughtless and/or mis-used some Save the Date cards. Nice language ladies. Anyone seen "Mean Girls" recently BTW?

Oh come on! We're having a laugh. The tone of the thread all along has been funny and outrageous.

If it was just someone being thoughtless this would have wrapped up pages ago.