TidyDancer's bridezilla thread part 2

[TidyDancer]

New thread. :)

I think all the bitchy, snarky responses immediately reduce you to her level of rudeness. And they will leave you feeling bad as clearly you are a nice person.

Why not just tell the truth?

^No, we hadn't talked about this. And frankly I am astounded that you want me to decorate for your wedding given that I am not invited. That's not how friendship works and actually I feel quite hurt.

No, I will not be able to decorate the hall for your wedding.^

I wouldn't offer a lecture about save the date cards or etiquette. And you cannot make her understand. You can only let her know how you feel about it - and she can't argue with that.

I have nothing constructive to add - I just want to say I love 'gluezilla'

This is the response I have just sent, courtesy of Sarah and then Pictish:

"Dear F,

I am sorry if I wasn't clear before. I was hoping that you might realise just how rude you are being, without me having to spell it out to you.

You simply cannot expect to send someone a save the date card, fail to invite them to your wedding, and then request them to arrange childcare and put in time and effort to do you a wedding related favour!! The kind of thing you are asking of me is only really appropriate to ask of a guest (and even then only if it's not putting them at an inconvenience) or a professional decorator/planner.

I understand that this is your wedding, and you have every right to invite whoever you wish to attend. However, I am frankly astonished that you cannot appreciate just how rude you have been, in asking me to help you decorate the venue for a wedding you chose not to invite me to, for the benefit of those who you DO regard well enough to invite!

So just to be clear in order that there is no further ambiguity, I wish you nothing but the best for your wedding and marriage, but I regret I will not be able to help you.

Best wishes,

Tidy"

I do think it is only fair to the hundreds or maybe thousands of MN who are posting /lurking that you try to find out what the decorations will be, it won't help you Tidy at all but it would give us all some continuing interesting insight into the Gluezilla world.

Actuall tell her that you have some friends who can help, there's probably enough of us to come and all give her a truly MN wedding venue complete with fake wishing tree, pombears and Sylvanian figures.

where is thread 1 so I can get the full gist of whats going on? Although I have already gathered that the OPs friend is bat shit crazy

I've added a couple of bits myself, but that's it.

I largely resisted the urge to be horrid, but have made it clear where she and I both stand.

Hope I haven't let you all down with the lack of poetry! I have laughed like a hyena this afternoon reading them! You are all totally wonderful!

Excellent reply. Clear and classy.

I will see what I can do re finding out what the decorations are. I will be so disappointed if they are average!

Ok maybe your reply was better! Hopefully she will get the message finally.

Well done Tiny! That's a straight talking but classy reply.

Do you think she'll reply or just slither into a corner with her Pritstick up her nose?

How about (a mixture of my earlier post and various other people's posts)
I am trying to go for a non bitter, straight forward but honest reply. I tried to avoid passive aggression too.

GlueZilla,

Now that I have found out that I am not invited to your wedding I am sure you can understand that I would feel really awkward helping you decorate the reception hall. I think it would be more appropriate for you to ask one of your wedding guests.

Your Tidy.

Perfect!

Very good reply. Fingers crossed it does the job.

Please send her this as a wedding present anyway.

I feel a bit bad for the bridezilla now. She's breathtakingly rude, but I think someone said similar upthread -- she really doesn't seem to realize it. Still unacceptable, but her last email gave me the feel that she doesn't mean to act so self-centered and entitled, but is just genuinely incredibly clueless and has lost all perspective due to wedding stresses.

Not okay, of course, but I do think the financial pressures of planning a wedding can make you feel a little crazy -- you can feel like you have to create an event that will be a perfect delightful representation of you and the groom's personalities and relationship, and that is also perfectly calculated to please everyone who attends in every possible regard. Add financial constraints to that and you can easily find yourself going mad over how the fuck to provide favors for 100 people at 50 cents each, and you can't cut the guest list, and you don't want to, but your mother/MIL/sister/MOH says it would be rude to not have favors, but cheap-looking favors will be even worse, and again, they can't just be any favors, they have to somehow beautifully represent you and the groom ... I kind of suspect she's been having big budget stresses and just isn't handling it well. At all.

Sorry to be a downer on the thread though, it has been fun

Shit! I x-posted with you Tidy. I think you handled it really well. Polite, dignified, straightforward, but not mean at all. Very classy.

Excellent reply. Now do NOT respond to anything ever again.

do not respond to anything from her I mean...radio silence.

Keatsiepie I tried something along those lines, within 10 minutes of the OPs first post. Don't think anyone is listening. I don't get the feeling that the OP is overly bothered about this friendship, but I do feel that the general response to the bride has been rather harsh, and I hope that I never throw away a friendship as a result of advice on a thread like this

Good reply Tidy, I hope she gets the message.

Massive cross post from me too

Yours is a great reply.

Strong, classy and dignified Tidy, better to take the high road.

Excellent response. We will await her reply with baited breath.

Just FTR, yes I was bothered about this friendship. I have known the bride for a long time and I do care about my friends. But if someone sees fit to treat their friends the way she has done then is it a friendship worth saving? Personally I feel at this point that it's beyond that. Had she not started all this about the venue, the likelihood is I would've just let the friendship slip away.

I feel a bit sad that it's come to this, but I figure if she really valued my friendship anyway, she wouldn't have been so rude.

do you think she will reply?

I find it unfathomable, that this whole exchange has taken place by TEXT MESSAGE?????

Has she not thought it might be better to phone or go round and speak to people?!

if that doesn't work tidy, i submit this :

Dear uponesarsebride,

Since you are still not understanding this situation, imagine the scenario, you talk at great length to me about a date on which you would like to have a dinner party. We discuss guests, menu ideas, ingredients, desserts and wine. When I turn up for said dinner party, you look astonished and say 'Oh, I didn't mean that you were actually invited, but everything is in the kitchen waiting for you to cook and if you could do the washing up too, that would be great'.

The most you're going to get is a pot noodle, perhaps you can decorate your wedding venue with those.

regards, Tidy