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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to say no to this request from a friend?

1001 replies

TidyDancer · 21/07/2013 10:16

An old friend is getting married in my home town next month. She has been talking about it non-stop since she got engaged last year and everyone's very happy for her. She sent out save the date cards and all was good.

Invitation time came around, and nothing arrived. I wouldn't normally have asked but since she had sent the save the date, I assumed DP and I were invited.

Turns out nope, we're not, and neither is another of our close friends (also from our hometown). She didn't offer up any explanation for it, other than to confirm that we weren't invited. Fine, her prerogative to invite whoever she likes to her wedding. I was a bit put out, I'll admit, since we'd had the save the date card, but oh well. Our other excluded friend was very upset and had a chat with the bride. During this conversation, friend was informed that the bride sent out the save the date cards knowing she wouldn't invite everyone and seemed to be under the impression that the cards were for the purpose of telling people about the wedding before the guest list had been finished. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the case? About 20ish people are also not invited.

Fast forward to now, four weeks to the wedding, and the bride has emailed me. No mention at all of not being invited etc. However, she is now requesting my help with decorating the venue. Apparently most people are coming from out of town so she doesn't have much local help and doesn't think she will be able to find the time to do it herself. She also mentioned wanting to keep the decorations a surprise for the wedding guests so doesn't really want to ask for help from the few locals that are invited.

I'll accept not being invited, like I say it's up to her. We have been friends for a long time and it does hurt that I'm not invited but I'm not going to make a scene over it.

But AIBU to refuse her request for help? Does it look petty? My perspective maybe a bit skewed but I think she's being cheeky.

OP posts:
IDontDoIroning · 24/07/2013 20:56

Oh my - I don't think any one saw that coming. Has she lost all self awareness by being so wrapped up in her bridezillaness.?

How about some more poetry

Dear f
I thought you were my mate
As you sent me a save the date
Card. But the date it flew
By. So f are you on glue?
Anyway, the answers no
No way. And off you go.

StrangeGlue · 24/07/2013 20:58

Skip to 37 seconds in and send her this

scarletforya · 24/07/2013 20:58

Listen dopey, there is ho-hopey
That I will every become arty
And help you decorate your farty party
So Leave me alone
Don't email, text or phone
Have a nice life
Be a good wife
You've been a shit 'friend'
And this is THE END.

Liara · 24/07/2013 20:59

Oh, please just send a link to this thread. You have to.

NorksAreMessy · 24/07/2013 21:00

Just coming in to vouch for the genuineness and non-trolliness of tidy

Not marking my place at all, no, not me, who would do such a thing??
BUT, I do suggest that you make some wedding favours. Pritt sticks decorated with the Gluezilla's face would be lovely. And useful :o

youarewinning · 24/07/2013 21:00

glue, Sylvanians , veil up colon

There was a young bride on glue
PS bridezilla that's you
shove your veil up your colon
and then you can do one
and decorate yourself too.

onedev · 24/07/2013 21:00

I actually do think now is the time for honesty & pointing out the sheer level of her audacity & downright cheek. She needs someone to point out exactly how terrible she is.

TiggyD · 24/07/2013 21:01

"Hi,
I can't make it that day. I've arranged to go to a local busy rural road to see the roadkill. I'm hoping to see some flat hedgehogs, decaying squirrels, and maybe a badger that's popped and had it's innards squeezed out. I'll be thinking of you.

Hugs,

xxxxxxxxxxSmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmile"

AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating · 24/07/2013 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BalloonSlayer · 24/07/2013 21:02

OR, more succinctly:

It is RUDE to send out save-the-date cards to people and then not invite them.

It is RUDE to ask someone you have not invited to your wedding to give up a lot of their time working for free for you

It is RUDE to mention that you'd ask other people from the local area but they're all coming to the wedding and you wanted it to be a surprise for you.

It is RUDE to not accept a refusal and ask a second time

It is RUDE to clearly ignore someone who is clearly telling you you have been rude and to inquire: "Are you serious?"

It is RUDE to ask yet a third time when someone has refused twice.

Ezio · 24/07/2013 21:03

Dear Bitch,

Stop sniffing the fucking glue, i'd rather eat shit covered in sick, than decorate your lower class chavvy wedding, when you probably be divorced next year, now stop asking me, otherwise i will show up on your wedding day, dressed in a better wedding dress, and shove your veil so far up your giant arse, that you will be able floss your teeth, and a team of 10 surgeons with have to spend 4 hours removing it from your colon.

Tidy.

that is way too bitchy but im feeling mardy.

BoozyBear · 24/07/2013 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whocansay · 24/07/2013 21:05

Personally, I'm beginning to wonder if she actually IS on glue!

My twopenneth:

Dear OnGlue,

You have made it crystal clear I am a B list friend at best. I suggest you ask an A list friend to help you decorate. I will be unable to help as I will be spending time with people who actually live on this planet.

Tidy

Iamnotmyself · 24/07/2013 21:05

You could just write,

'No, there's no chance whatsoever I could do it. Or, well, I could, yunno, but, hmm, I don't want to. I'm really sorry.'

SmileSmileSmile

IDontDoIroning · 24/07/2013 21:06

Antlers that's great .. Glue colon and sylvanians a full house.

Please OP post your planned reply

FruOla · 24/07/2013 21:06

I just knew that she'd still ask you to help her decorate the venue ......

........... but I'm utterly, utterly speechless at her response.

How the hell did this woman reach adulthood - and presumably a responsible job - behaving like this? Shock Shock

ProphetOfDoom · 24/07/2013 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 24/07/2013 21:06

I like boozybears the best but I wouldn't include the oar part. Tempting though...

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 24/07/2013 21:08

Another vote for timidviper. With the possible addition of "what the fuck is wrong with you?"

LostLion · 24/07/2013 21:09

She is unreal! I would email back....

"No, and your manners are unbelievable"

yeesh Shock

quoteunquote · 24/07/2013 21:12

You could send,

Could you clarify please, When we "talked about this"...

What did you hear?

Wuxiapian · 24/07/2013 21:12

Just tell her to bollocks!

BelleJolie · 24/07/2013 21:12

I would go with a simple, "I'm sorry, I won't be helping. I just find the whole thing really rude of you, and it's a shame you don't understand why. Best of luck"

ConfusedPixie · 24/07/2013 21:12

I think a simple "LOL, no." Would be enough. Though sending her here would also be very amusing!

StrangeGlue · 24/07/2013 21:12

There once was a girl named Kate
Who thought that her wedding was great
But she was a bitch
And not part of my quiche
And now she's no longer my mate

Dear glue bitch, replace the word Kate with your name and deduce whether I'm helping you. Clue: the correct answer features one of these words 'fuck no'

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