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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to say no to this request from a friend?

1001 replies

TidyDancer · 21/07/2013 10:16

An old friend is getting married in my home town next month. She has been talking about it non-stop since she got engaged last year and everyone's very happy for her. She sent out save the date cards and all was good.

Invitation time came around, and nothing arrived. I wouldn't normally have asked but since she had sent the save the date, I assumed DP and I were invited.

Turns out nope, we're not, and neither is another of our close friends (also from our hometown). She didn't offer up any explanation for it, other than to confirm that we weren't invited. Fine, her prerogative to invite whoever she likes to her wedding. I was a bit put out, I'll admit, since we'd had the save the date card, but oh well. Our other excluded friend was very upset and had a chat with the bride. During this conversation, friend was informed that the bride sent out the save the date cards knowing she wouldn't invite everyone and seemed to be under the impression that the cards were for the purpose of telling people about the wedding before the guest list had been finished. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the case? About 20ish people are also not invited.

Fast forward to now, four weeks to the wedding, and the bride has emailed me. No mention at all of not being invited etc. However, she is now requesting my help with decorating the venue. Apparently most people are coming from out of town so she doesn't have much local help and doesn't think she will be able to find the time to do it herself. She also mentioned wanting to keep the decorations a surprise for the wedding guests so doesn't really want to ask for help from the few locals that are invited.

I'll accept not being invited, like I say it's up to her. We have been friends for a long time and it does hurt that I'm not invited but I'm not going to make a scene over it.

But AIBU to refuse her request for help? Does it look petty? My perspective maybe a bit skewed but I think she's being cheeky.

OP posts:
LemonPeculiarJones · 24/07/2013 20:41

A link to this thread would be a charming and appropriate wedding gift, I feel.

SlimePrincess · 24/07/2013 20:41

No
Niet
Bu
Ne
Non

How many languages does she need to hear it in?

TidyDancer · 24/07/2013 20:41

I'm all for you lot writing this reply again, and I would happily accept poetry!

Go at it!

And yes, the "I thought we'd talked about this" and the smilies are definitely the bits that have pissed me off the most.

OP posts:
lopopo · 24/07/2013 20:41

Why don't you just tell her how you feel. " You hurt my feelings when you decided not to invite me to your wedding despite asking me to make myself free that weekend. So I'm not prepared to help you with the preparations. I do however wish you the best with it." And then you don't have to speak to her again. I wouldn't let her provoke you anymore.

tharsheblows · 24/07/2013 20:42

If it were me, I'd just reply:

Ha! No.

But that's me! You've handled this all very well.

Fluffycloudland77 · 24/07/2013 20:42

Oh well if she REALLY wants you to do it obviously that changes everything then. Oh no hang on it doesn't does it?.

Direct her emails to spam.

Bonker behaviour.

TidyDancer · 24/07/2013 20:44

Oh Purple! I LOVE you!

I woke DP up by shaking with laughter reading your thread one night. I still have a giggle to myself every time I think about it!

OP posts:
IncrediblePhatTheInnkeepersCat · 24/07/2013 20:45
Shock

She is so clueless that you have to spell it out for her as per Holdme's response above. Otherwise, she will genuinely feel as though she's the wronged party.

Rub her nose in her shit so she won't do it again to anyone else.

MissStrawberry · 24/07/2013 20:46

Patronising cow.

"Thought we'd talked about this."

She knows you have..

SlangWhanger · 24/07/2013 20:47

I would reply;

I am sorry but I can't help you. It would feel really weird to help you decorate and then have to leave so that you and your close friends and family can enjoy themselves.

Yours tidy

This is obviously not the reply I would WANT to send. That would be a lot blunter and ruder and may include a link to this thread.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 24/07/2013 20:48

How many NO I WON'T FUCKING DECORATE THAT FUCKING HALL do you need.

Now fuck off!!

That's what I would say.

clam · 24/07/2013 20:49

I would send timidviper's response from before: "I do not understand why you cannot see the offensiveness of asking for help from someone you do not consider a close enough friend to be invited to the wedding"

DumSpiroSpero · 24/07/2013 20:49

I think I'd just go with the old chestnut - 'no' is a complete sentence...

...although 'I'd rather lick a sweaty jockstrap' made me LOL Grin!

TidyDancer · 24/07/2013 20:50

Can anyone work the sylvanians, veil up colon and glue comments into one reply? This might be our last chance!

OP posts:
AndHarry · 24/07/2013 20:51

Use the 'glue' response :o

Iamnotmyself · 24/07/2013 20:51

I think I'd write,

'I don't think I can continue to engage with you, as you have clearly lost all reason.

I hope that you'll look back on this conversation in years to come and realise what an utter twit you have been, but really, I wonder if you were ever the person I thought you were.

I wish you well but please don't contact me again.

Tidy'

WafflyVersatile · 24/07/2013 20:51

Dear Bridezilla,

We obviously are not seeing eye to eye on this.

Might I suggest we ask a neutral third party for their opinion. Please start a thread on mumsnet and if they agree that I should decorate your venue I will.

If they agree that you are being quite rude to ask me to save the date then not invite me, then ask me to decorate the venue then you will wear flourescent yellow leggings and a leopard print belly-tee instead of a wedding dress for the whole day.

SauvignonBlanche · 24/07/2013 20:52

Dear F,

No, thank you.

Regards,

Tidy.

MysteriousHamster · 24/07/2013 20:53

I'd say 'One day you will realise how rude this repeated request is. The answer is no.'

Iamnotmyself · 24/07/2013 20:55

Waffly Grin That is class.

MrsWolowitz · 24/07/2013 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheVermiciousKnid · 24/07/2013 20:55

Come, decorate my hall you plead,
oh what an honour, what a treat!
Tempting as your offer is,
I think you're really taking the piss.

bootsycollins · 24/07/2013 20:55

Come on tidy time to give glue bitch the good news. I think a poem is defo the way to go for maximum comedy value Grin

Unfuckingbelievable.

BalloonSlayer · 24/07/2013 20:55

"I think maybe that you have talked about some of this.

You have talked about the fact that you have sent me a save the date card but that you do not think that I should have interpreted that as an indication that I was being invited to your wedding.

I accept that you can invite who you wish to your wedding so I left it at that.

Your subsequent behaviour means I now have to say this:

Save the date cards are to inform the guests whom you intend to invite to the wedding, of the date before you have the time and venue absolutely certain, so that they do not book anything else on that day.

It is very poor manners to send save the date cards to people you may decide at a later time not to invite. I do not know anyone except you that does not think sending save the date cards to people you then do not invite is extremely rude.

People whom you do not invite to your wedding are clearly not your best friends.

Asking a massive favour is something you only do of one of your best friends.

You have insulted me, yet you genuinely think I will be happy to do you a favour.

Why do you think I will wish to decorate your hall for you, when you don't even like me enough to invite to your wedding? You even had the cheek to say it was so it could be a surprise for the invited guests.

I hope I have made it clear this time.

If, as I suspect, you still don't understand, feel free to ask for clarification again."

busygirl · 24/07/2013 20:55

Dear F,
You wish!
Tidy

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