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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to say no to this request from a friend?

1001 replies

TidyDancer · 21/07/2013 10:16

An old friend is getting married in my home town next month. She has been talking about it non-stop since she got engaged last year and everyone's very happy for her. She sent out save the date cards and all was good.

Invitation time came around, and nothing arrived. I wouldn't normally have asked but since she had sent the save the date, I assumed DP and I were invited.

Turns out nope, we're not, and neither is another of our close friends (also from our hometown). She didn't offer up any explanation for it, other than to confirm that we weren't invited. Fine, her prerogative to invite whoever she likes to her wedding. I was a bit put out, I'll admit, since we'd had the save the date card, but oh well. Our other excluded friend was very upset and had a chat with the bride. During this conversation, friend was informed that the bride sent out the save the date cards knowing she wouldn't invite everyone and seemed to be under the impression that the cards were for the purpose of telling people about the wedding before the guest list had been finished. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the case? About 20ish people are also not invited.

Fast forward to now, four weeks to the wedding, and the bride has emailed me. No mention at all of not being invited etc. However, she is now requesting my help with decorating the venue. Apparently most people are coming from out of town so she doesn't have much local help and doesn't think she will be able to find the time to do it herself. She also mentioned wanting to keep the decorations a surprise for the wedding guests so doesn't really want to ask for help from the few locals that are invited.

I'll accept not being invited, like I say it's up to her. We have been friends for a long time and it does hurt that I'm not invited but I'm not going to make a scene over it.

But AIBU to refuse her request for help? Does it look petty? My perspective maybe a bit skewed but I think she's being cheeky.

OP posts:
FruOla · 24/07/2013 09:02

I wonder what's going on in Gluezilla's head at the moment - ongoing outrage at Tidy, or the dawning realisation that she's committed an enormous social faux pas?

I still say that wedding day is going to be, erm, 'interesting', I guess the majority of guests there will know at least one of the 20 non-invitees - and the reason.

TotallyBursar · 24/07/2013 09:04

Don't forget to expect presents hobnobs Grin

KenAdams · 24/07/2013 09:15

Shock the nerve of some people!

anklebitersmum · 24/07/2013 09:27

Oh, I believe she's real alright. My own sister had me travel 300miles to 'dress shop' Friday night traffic, biters and pregnant only to have a royal tantrum and stamp off on her own because I wasn't ready to go 3hrs earlier than arranged and wanted breakfast first Hmm

RenterNomad · 24/07/2013 09:32

What about aother email to her: "If you're not going to reply, more and more people are going to hear about your rudeness. Just an acknowledgement of my last emsil would be the politest thing you've done all year."

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 24/07/2013 09:36

Don't send another email! I know we want an update but that's terrible advice.

YokoUhOh · 24/07/2013 09:42

How do we donate to Jim's Sylvanian Family Fund?

YokoUhOh · 24/07/2013 09:43

We could have a Sylvanian amnesty! I'm sure my mum has my millions of old ones...

Notafoodbabyanymore · 24/07/2013 09:53

Don't worry, as I said, I don't really think OP should send another email Ehric, just kidding! Love the Sylvanian Families idea, that's so funny. Just imagining a hall somewhere bristling with figurines.

MammaTJ · 24/07/2013 09:57

Does the groom still read card from those not attending at weddings nowadays?

Just suggesting someone smarter than me could come up with something wonderful to be read at her wedding for her public humiliation.

Betternc4this · 24/07/2013 11:00

Yes it's a shame they don't still do telegrams (they don't do they ???) at weddings because you could have one of the hotel staff hand it to the groom as he is making his speech to read out without any chance of vetting first.

Or is there any way you could get a friend who is going to very casually hand over a last minute card to groom or whoever is reading out the cards from absent friends etc. Otherwise I am sure they would vet them before reading out.

MissStrawberry · 24/07/2013 11:06

Decorate as if for a 2 year old Princess mad girl Wink.

Or a football mad 4 year old....

Treagues · 24/07/2013 11:21

She's a prize chump. I think tbh I would just have ignored her request outright but I'm enjoying your 'ah fuck it' attitude to winding her up!

hellsbellsmelons · 24/07/2013 11:59

Sorry - marking my place too!
You are all brilliant!

KalevalaForMePlease · 24/07/2013 12:00

No update? Bah!

SlightlyItchyBraStrap · 24/07/2013 12:46

Loving this thread, but it's not quite up to "mother of the baby gift list" caliber yet.... we need more plot twists. Perhaps the friend emails back that Rose had volunteered the op to decorate the venue, and will be upset with op for " threatening her happiness"?

HMG83 · 24/07/2013 13:37

Shamelessly place marking!

ClaudiaWinklepants · 24/07/2013 13:41

Another shameless marker Grin

NinaHeart · 24/07/2013 14:21

I love this thread. It has made my day (Ok I'm place marking).
But I NEED to know what happens next....

wishingchair · 24/07/2013 14:23

Likewise - can't wait to hear her reply (and yes, I'm place marking)

curryeater · 24/07/2013 14:44

Has the OP sent the reply yet?
I don't think she should mention the "save the date" cards in that way because the bride will not take in that she made a faux pas, and it will encourage this mental bridezilla to think that the issue is that the OP is not being invited to the Wedding of the Year. It will stoke her ego and make her even more self-righteous.

If not too late -

"Dear Bride,
I would usually have loved to have taken part in this project but have scaled back my creative commitments to spend more time with my children - as you know these things tend to fall on a weekend, so I have made the decision only to work on very special weddings of close friends, which I would also be attending in a social capacity, and feel a great affection and connection.
However you do seem a bit out of your depth here and I am sure you are still cringeing over the "save the date" mishap! So I have been thinking what I might be able to do to help. Here are some thoughts:

  • I can possibly help for a special consultancy fee of £350 for the day (the day before) - however I would have to ask you to arrange the childcare as I don't usually work at weekends and don't have a regular childcare arrangement
  • I can put you in touch with a lovely agency who are very flexible and may be able to do something even at this sort notice. They may be able to do something like £500 a day, if you are on a budget.

Let me know if you want me to pursue any of these ideas.
Wishing you all the best for your special day.

TidyDancer"

(She won't go for it, but if she does, the "lovely agency" is a couple of mates of yours)

Strokethefurrywall · 24/07/2013 15:04

Dammit, can't believe she's selfish enough not to respond to this thread!
I'm going to be on holiday for the next 5 days and sincerely hope there's a worthy response on my return!!!

I can't believe da brass balls on dis biatch!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 24/07/2013 15:10

Gah not only is she a Bridezilla but now she is a Trappistzilla too.

We need a bloody reply!

Lioninthesun · 24/07/2013 15:34

SlightlyItchy the 'mother of the baby gift list' thread was a troll and made up though - I sincerely hope this one isn't!

CSIJanner · 24/07/2013 15:39

Lion - was mother of the baby christening gift list a troll? I thought it had moved into classics with a happy ending of engagement, godparenthood and all round good feeling?

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