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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to say no to this request from a friend?

1001 replies

TidyDancer · 21/07/2013 10:16

An old friend is getting married in my home town next month. She has been talking about it non-stop since she got engaged last year and everyone's very happy for her. She sent out save the date cards and all was good.

Invitation time came around, and nothing arrived. I wouldn't normally have asked but since she had sent the save the date, I assumed DP and I were invited.

Turns out nope, we're not, and neither is another of our close friends (also from our hometown). She didn't offer up any explanation for it, other than to confirm that we weren't invited. Fine, her prerogative to invite whoever she likes to her wedding. I was a bit put out, I'll admit, since we'd had the save the date card, but oh well. Our other excluded friend was very upset and had a chat with the bride. During this conversation, friend was informed that the bride sent out the save the date cards knowing she wouldn't invite everyone and seemed to be under the impression that the cards were for the purpose of telling people about the wedding before the guest list had been finished. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the case? About 20ish people are also not invited.

Fast forward to now, four weeks to the wedding, and the bride has emailed me. No mention at all of not being invited etc. However, she is now requesting my help with decorating the venue. Apparently most people are coming from out of town so she doesn't have much local help and doesn't think she will be able to find the time to do it herself. She also mentioned wanting to keep the decorations a surprise for the wedding guests so doesn't really want to ask for help from the few locals that are invited.

I'll accept not being invited, like I say it's up to her. We have been friends for a long time and it does hurt that I'm not invited but I'm not going to make a scene over it.

But AIBU to refuse her request for help? Does it look petty? My perspective maybe a bit skewed but I think she's being cheeky.

OP posts:
scarletforya · 23/07/2013 21:23

Maybe the penny has dropped with the dozy bridezilla that 'save the date' cards are not actually what she believed them to be and she, even in her capacity of Newly Crowned Queen Of The Fucking Universe I'm Getting Married Am So Special doesn't get to re-invent the universally understood meaning of the 'Save the Date' cards....

Maybe, or maybe she is so busy flogging friends and family she can't find time to reply to an ingrate such as yourself. I mean, you could have been lucky enough to tack streamers and balloons to the roof and walls of the venue, place favours at each hallowed plate, read the menu, you could have seen how the other half live !!! Wink

Patosshades · 23/07/2013 21:45

I'm still laughing at the idea that she's so speshul in her mind you'd be thrilled to decorate even though you didn't make it to the chosen few guest list Grin

SarahAndFuck · 23/07/2013 21:46

She's perhaps talked it over with her fiancé or her family and had the same shocked reaction from them all.

coco87 · 23/07/2013 21:52

I wonder if the 20 uninvited STD friends were her way of ensuring she has free labour during the wedding to decorate/serve food/entertain etc. I think there is more to the 20 uninvited friends thing than she is letting on. Can you check with your other friend so see if she has been asked to serve tables or anything crazy like that?

chrome100 · 23/07/2013 22:14

I keep checking in on this thread. I'm going on holiday in 2 days and will have no internet. She MUST reply before then or I will spend my entire holiday wondering what's going on.

MrsRajeshKoothrappali · 23/07/2013 22:16

Still no update?

Really?

Confused
TidyDancer · 23/07/2013 22:20

Coco, my friend hasn't had any contact from the bride. Her reaction if she did would rival some of the suggestions on here! Grin

OP posts:
Dinosaurdrip · 23/07/2013 23:14

This thread is hilarious!

TalkativeJim · 24/07/2013 00:10

In a way, I almost wish you would agree to decorate the venue.

Do you know what my idea would be - that we have a whip-round on here (because they're not cheap) and you buy hundreds, THOUSANDS of Sylvanian Families figurines and put them all over the place - glued to the ceiling, poking out of the table settings, lines of them going up the walls looking (from a distance) like a giant ant infestation. You could even stick them all over the cake, making the bride and groom figures look like guests at that weird Ewok party in the Return of the Jedi. You could go to town on how special it would be and how she wasn't allowed to see it until the actual reception - everyone files in - SIOB en masse

Ah ha ha ha ha.

PugStaffyCross · 24/07/2013 00:22

Say no, you have made plans. She has a real nerve asking you! Its just rude!

PugStaffyCross · 24/07/2013 00:27

Tell her you would rather poop in your hands and clap - than decorate her venue or get lots of save the date card and stick them all over the place.

snuffykins · 24/07/2013 00:39

She is as mad as a box of frogs.

Loving "Dear bitch, are you on glue?" Brilliant!

Thumbwitch · 24/07/2013 00:41

Or you could just be really clear about it and say something like:
"So, let me get this straight - when you sent a save-the-date card to me, it was expressly so that I would be free but only to come and decorate your wedding venue as you wanted it to be a surprise for the ACTUAL, INVITED guests? Is that right?"

Otherwise yes, I think her rhino-hide will prevent her from understanding how she could in any way have done something wrong/offended you.

KeatsiePie · 24/07/2013 06:41

Hahaha this is a marvelous thread. If she writes back with an invitation, just say "Oh gosh, now I'm afraid you've got the wrong end of the stick. Just so you know (for next time!), it isn't really good manners to rotate people on and off the guest list based on whether you can get free labor out of them. I just realized you are on glue, so of course I won't hold a grudge, but I'm not sure everyone else you've offended knows, do you want me to have a little word?"

katydid02 · 24/07/2013 06:48

Do you know that you are not invited? Could she have sent an invitation that has got lost in the post and is assuming that you will be coming?
Of course you could just turn up on the day as you had a 'save the date' card (which I think are awful things) and assume that the invitation was lost in the post.
I'd agree to help her, it's what good friends do.

Notafoodbabyanymore · 24/07/2013 06:56

I think you should email her again with something like:

Hi 'friend',

Just wondering if you got my last email. I'm still waiting to find out why you thought that I'd jump at the chance to decorate for you after you had me keep a day free for a wedding which I was subsequently not invited to.

Do you understand yet how rude you've been?

Notafoodbabyanymore · 24/07/2013 06:59

Obviously I only think you should write again because we all want the thread to move on. I hope you realise, OP, that your life is currently being lived solely for our entertainment. Wink

FruOla · 24/07/2013 07:01

katydid, Tidy knows she is not invited - she's spoken to the BTB, this from her OP :

"Turns out nope, we're not, and neither is another of our close friends (also from our hometown). She didn't offer up any explanation for it, other than to confirm that we weren't invited. Fine, her prerogative to invite whoever she likes to her wedding. I was a bit put out, I'll admit, since we'd had the save the date card, but oh well. Our other excluded friend was very upset and had a chat with the bride. During this conversation, friend was informed that the bride sent out the save the date cards knowing she wouldn't invite everyone and seemed to be under the impression that the cards were for the purpose of telling people about the wedding before the guest list had been finished. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the case? About 20ish people are also not invited."

YouStayClassySanDiego · 24/07/2013 07:21

katy have you read the thread? Hmm

MalcolmTuckersMum · 24/07/2013 07:24

So embarrassed for the recent spate of posters who clearly have not read the fucking thread! Seriously people - why do you do it? It just makes you look a bit dim!

echt · 24/07/2013 08:09

I haven't enjoyed a thread so much in ages, and agree that the bridezilla might well now be calling the OP rotten to friends who then go Shock, but at her, not TD.:o

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 24/07/2013 08:18

di you know what , next year I am 40 so I am going to send everyone in the UK a save the date card on the vague off chance that I may do something to celebrate and then I shall invite only my friends and expect the rest of you to wait patiently in case I need you to do....erm ... stufff on the day.
:)

nilbyname · 24/07/2013 08:18

Oh good grief! Come on gluezilla! Reply reply!

DownstairsMixUp · 24/07/2013 08:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

coco87 · 24/07/2013 08:22

You need to poke the proverbial nest in order to get a quicker response from her. Doesn't she realise that there are hundreds of lazy bored mums waiting with baited breath for a reply!

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