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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to say no to this request from a friend?

1001 replies

TidyDancer · 21/07/2013 10:16

An old friend is getting married in my home town next month. She has been talking about it non-stop since she got engaged last year and everyone's very happy for her. She sent out save the date cards and all was good.

Invitation time came around, and nothing arrived. I wouldn't normally have asked but since she had sent the save the date, I assumed DP and I were invited.

Turns out nope, we're not, and neither is another of our close friends (also from our hometown). She didn't offer up any explanation for it, other than to confirm that we weren't invited. Fine, her prerogative to invite whoever she likes to her wedding. I was a bit put out, I'll admit, since we'd had the save the date card, but oh well. Our other excluded friend was very upset and had a chat with the bride. During this conversation, friend was informed that the bride sent out the save the date cards knowing she wouldn't invite everyone and seemed to be under the impression that the cards were for the purpose of telling people about the wedding before the guest list had been finished. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the case? About 20ish people are also not invited.

Fast forward to now, four weeks to the wedding, and the bride has emailed me. No mention at all of not being invited etc. However, she is now requesting my help with decorating the venue. Apparently most people are coming from out of town so she doesn't have much local help and doesn't think she will be able to find the time to do it herself. She also mentioned wanting to keep the decorations a surprise for the wedding guests so doesn't really want to ask for help from the few locals that are invited.

I'll accept not being invited, like I say it's up to her. We have been friends for a long time and it does hurt that I'm not invited but I'm not going to make a scene over it.

But AIBU to refuse her request for help? Does it look petty? My perspective maybe a bit skewed but I think she's being cheeky.

OP posts:
RussianBlu · 23/07/2013 15:48

WE ARE ALL WAITING FOR OUR NEXT INSTALMENT ....HELLO??? ( I want to go to the wedding).

AlfalfaMum · 23/07/2013 15:55

YY op, did your other mutual friend get asked to skivvy for the VIPs?

I'd like to applaud all the poets on this thread Smile You have had me in tears of mirth Flowers

And whoever suggested sending the bride Brasso to polish her neck, you rock too!

SoleSource · 23/07/2013 16:51

imagineJL has it spot on

"thank you for inviting me to help with your wedding decorations. I will save the date and let you know nearer the time"

Grin

Your 'friend' is a cheeky cow.

Hissy · 23/07/2013 17:10

Did someone say bunting

Grin
waltermittymissus · 23/07/2013 17:10

Surely she's gotten back to you by now?

FruOla · 23/07/2013 17:11

Hissy Grin

SoleSource · 23/07/2013 17:51

I have wet myself Hissy Tidy get some of that bunting & decorate her hall.

Somethingtothinkabout · 23/07/2013 17:54

Tidy, with regards to when she tells this story to others, she'll probably leave out the fact that she sent you a STD card (because after she tells the first person and they have this face Shock she might realise how wrong she was) so she'll maybe try and neutralise it by leaving out the STD card and just say she asked you for help as a friend.

But even doing that is rude! So I think you'll come out ofIit well, regardless.

I actually can't wait for her reply!

BalloonSlayer · 23/07/2013 18:00

She won't be able to claim that Tidy was a really good friend who let her down, because Tidy won't be at the wedding.

Unless she is Rachel from Friends, who is bosom buddies with Monica, and knows Ross well (and even snogged Chandler) yet, conveniently for plot purposes, doesn't invite any of them to her Wedding.

waltermittymissus · 23/07/2013 18:18

Decorate the hall in divorce and infidelity stats.

GeraldineAubergine · 23/07/2013 18:19

Waltermitty has it!

SarahAndFuck · 23/07/2013 18:27

But hadn't Rachel from Friends lost touch with Monica by the time she was due to marry Barry, and only met her again by accident just before the wedding?

And then Monica's was the only place she could think of to go when she jilted him, just because she wasn't part of the life Rachel was running away from?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 23/07/2013 18:37

I suggest cerebral response

You sent me a STD card. I, in turn wish
an STD on you.

Kikibee · 23/07/2013 19:23

Oh what is the update, please

springperennial · 23/07/2013 19:53

SarahandFuck is correct. Rachel turns up at the coffee shop and breathlessly tells everyone that she was looking at a Limoges gravy boat on the gifts table, and realised that she was more passionate about it than fiance, Barry. Then she had to escape and didn't know anyone else in the city to go to except Monica (with whom she'd drifted apart). Monica says, "You mean nobody else who wasn't invited to your wedding". Rachel says, "Aww, I was hoping you'd forget that part."

Lioninthesun · 23/07/2013 19:58

I think you should say you and the other friend you know of are getting together for a day out with dinner to celebrate her happy day a deux, so sadly the two of you will possibly be too merry to help out.
Cheeky mare.

anklebitersmum · 23/07/2013 19:59

My flabber is aghast Shock

Personally I like the brasso pressie so she can polish her neck in time for the wedding..pure genius Grin

I wonder if you could get that to the Best Man for the card reading bit?

lovesherdogstoomuch · 23/07/2013 20:03

go with DameFanny. absolutely. hope it rains. xx

Lioninthesun · 23/07/2013 20:07

I do finding highly amusing that she thought in advance to block out 20 people's day and spent money and time doing so, and yet hasn't had the foresight to sort out decorating the venue for the lucky 80 who made the short long list!
I think you should deffo play on the fact that you and some other non-attendees could get together, seeing as you all had saved the day and all... Wink

nilbyname · 23/07/2013 20:22

Ooh it's just too good! More more more please tidy!

Betternc4this · 23/07/2013 20:33
Ruprekt · 23/07/2013 20:34

Has she not replied yet?

TidyDancer · 23/07/2013 20:42

Okay I'm here! But I haven't had a reply yet.

I wonder if in a parallel universe, bridezillanet.com is frantically advising her how to get out of this one!

Will keep you all posted! Loving the responses!

OP posts:
MalcolmTuckersMum · 23/07/2013 20:43

Tell her the more you stamp on a turd the larger it gets. Cryptic and menacing

Best. Line. Ever.

Grin
starsandunicorns · 23/07/2013 20:55

Marking place again even my dp is asking for updates this is unheard of

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