Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to say no to this request from a friend?

1001 replies

TidyDancer · 21/07/2013 10:16

An old friend is getting married in my home town next month. She has been talking about it non-stop since she got engaged last year and everyone's very happy for her. She sent out save the date cards and all was good.

Invitation time came around, and nothing arrived. I wouldn't normally have asked but since she had sent the save the date, I assumed DP and I were invited.

Turns out nope, we're not, and neither is another of our close friends (also from our hometown). She didn't offer up any explanation for it, other than to confirm that we weren't invited. Fine, her prerogative to invite whoever she likes to her wedding. I was a bit put out, I'll admit, since we'd had the save the date card, but oh well. Our other excluded friend was very upset and had a chat with the bride. During this conversation, friend was informed that the bride sent out the save the date cards knowing she wouldn't invite everyone and seemed to be under the impression that the cards were for the purpose of telling people about the wedding before the guest list had been finished. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the case? About 20ish people are also not invited.

Fast forward to now, four weeks to the wedding, and the bride has emailed me. No mention at all of not being invited etc. However, she is now requesting my help with decorating the venue. Apparently most people are coming from out of town so she doesn't have much local help and doesn't think she will be able to find the time to do it herself. She also mentioned wanting to keep the decorations a surprise for the wedding guests so doesn't really want to ask for help from the few locals that are invited.

I'll accept not being invited, like I say it's up to her. We have been friends for a long time and it does hurt that I'm not invited but I'm not going to make a scene over it.

But AIBU to refuse her request for help? Does it look petty? My perspective maybe a bit skewed but I think she's being cheeky.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 22/07/2013 19:43

i would reply along the lines off

When I got the std i put in my diary to not double book myself, when i didnt get an wedding invite I made other plans so Im not free

ps does anyone giggle at STD initials for a wedding invite

TidyDancer · 22/07/2013 19:45

I'm quite liking the "are you on glue?!" response at the moment!

OP posts:
ChippingInHopHopHop · 22/07/2013 19:46

When you sent me the 'STD' card - I assumed that you were going to follow the social norm and invite me to your wedding, now, however, I realise that you don't consider me worthy of an invite but simply wanted me to be available to decorate your venue. I fail to see why you find my refusal to be your skivvy so surprising?

nkf · 22/07/2013 19:46

Blonde's response is clear cut.

CeliaFate · 22/07/2013 19:47

When you asked me to save the date, I did. I'm free that day, I thought I would be invited to be a guest at your wedding. But no. You want me, your friend, to be the hired help. Wait! No, you want me, your friend, to decorate the venue for nothing, then quietly slink off while you and your invited guests celebrate your wedding. That you think this is an acceptable way to behave suggests your head is so far up your own arse that you'll need a surgeon to remove your veil from your colon.

I'll decline your kind offer to help you out so you can surprise your honoured guests. May you have the wedding you so thoroughly deserve.
Yours, in shock,
Tidy.

GoofyIsACow · 22/07/2013 19:50

Dame... Erm well... Erm... I just assumed... I am a hot ticket! Blush

Grin

Ps. I LOVE 'dear bitch, are you on glue'

Vivacia · 22/07/2013 19:50

Another vote for nkfs suggestion (but without the abbreviation):

"I thought the Save-the-date card meant save the date, so I saved it. But no invite followed. I found that a bit strange and hurtful. Given that, I don't feel I want to help decorate. None of this sits well with me."

ChippingInHopHopHop · 22/07/2013 19:51

Blondes - yes, all the STD's are quite off putting Grin but so much easier to type!

GettingVerySleepy · 22/07/2013 19:51

I thought you asked me to save the date so I could attend your wedding, not so I could be put to work for the benefit of those you thought highly enough of to actually invite. So no, I don't think I want to help you decorate. You've really hurt my feelings and been very selfish. But enjoy your special day!

pictish · 22/07/2013 19:52

Do not tell her you are hurt. She will turn this into your neediness and inability to handle yourself socially. You will always be the one who kicked off about not being invited to the wedding.

Make this about what it is - her audacity and lack of respect.

"You thought I would like to help? Whatever made you think that?

You thought I would jump at the chance to give up my time to decorate the hall for your wedding, to which I have not been invited, despite being sent a save the date card? Really?!
Just to clarify my position on this....it's a no.

Tidy

DameFanny · 22/07/2013 19:52

Yy to "are you on glue" Grin

YouTheCat · 22/07/2013 19:53

Or simply... 'Hahahaha... no'

ChippingInHopHopHop · 22/07/2013 19:54

Suddenly dropping 20 people from your guest list must surely have freed up enough money to pay someone to decorate your venue. Your gall is outstanding - much like your invite

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/07/2013 19:54

nkf - thats me blunt and to the point :)

chipping pmsl-agree but it makes me smirk Grin

pictish · 22/07/2013 19:54

Ohhh I like that youthecat Grin

Betternc4this · 22/07/2013 19:55

'No, I am deadly serious , I have booked myself in for the removal of my 'Mug' tattoo on that day.'

Icelollycraving · 22/07/2013 19:55

Pls use the "are you on glue' one :o

youarewinning · 22/07/2013 19:56

YADNBU to say no.

Save the date cards are for those you wish to invite and are for when you have no further detail other than the date.

FairhairedAndFrustrated · 22/07/2013 19:56

Is she asking you to decorate it the day before? It on the day of the wedding?

It's all very strange.

Catmint · 22/07/2013 19:56

No, you saved the date for some alternative cool plans.

The cheek!

timidviper · 22/07/2013 19:57

I would stick with a brief reply along the lines of "I do not understand why you cannot see the offensiveness of asking for help from someone you do not consider a close enough friend to be invited to the wedding".

FairhairedAndFrustrated · 22/07/2013 19:58

*or on day of wedding.

Futterby · 22/07/2013 20:05

"are you on glue" is fucking perfect Grin

pictish · 22/07/2013 20:08

"Are you being serious? I thought you'd want to help....!"

Quite serious. I thought you'd want to invite me to the wedding! Looks like we both misunderstood.

NakedPanpipeLady · 22/07/2013 20:08

Bloody hell - can't believe that was her response! Shock Clearly you are wrong at not feeling honoured to participate in preparing for her big day (maybe you ought to tug your forelock and curtsy next time you see her). She has a nerve and that would definitely end any friendship for me! .

Maybe she should be sent a link to this thread as we pretty much unanimously agree she's got some bloody nerve. Hopefully it would knock some sense into her (probably wouldn't though). Your 'friend' has got a hide like a rhino's.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.