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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to say no to this request from a friend?

1001 replies

TidyDancer · 21/07/2013 10:16

An old friend is getting married in my home town next month. She has been talking about it non-stop since she got engaged last year and everyone's very happy for her. She sent out save the date cards and all was good.

Invitation time came around, and nothing arrived. I wouldn't normally have asked but since she had sent the save the date, I assumed DP and I were invited.

Turns out nope, we're not, and neither is another of our close friends (also from our hometown). She didn't offer up any explanation for it, other than to confirm that we weren't invited. Fine, her prerogative to invite whoever she likes to her wedding. I was a bit put out, I'll admit, since we'd had the save the date card, but oh well. Our other excluded friend was very upset and had a chat with the bride. During this conversation, friend was informed that the bride sent out the save the date cards knowing she wouldn't invite everyone and seemed to be under the impression that the cards were for the purpose of telling people about the wedding before the guest list had been finished. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the case? About 20ish people are also not invited.

Fast forward to now, four weeks to the wedding, and the bride has emailed me. No mention at all of not being invited etc. However, she is now requesting my help with decorating the venue. Apparently most people are coming from out of town so she doesn't have much local help and doesn't think she will be able to find the time to do it herself. She also mentioned wanting to keep the decorations a surprise for the wedding guests so doesn't really want to ask for help from the few locals that are invited.

I'll accept not being invited, like I say it's up to her. We have been friends for a long time and it does hurt that I'm not invited but I'm not going to make a scene over it.

But AIBU to refuse her request for help? Does it look petty? My perspective maybe a bit skewed but I think she's being cheeky.

OP posts:
YouStayClassySanDiego · 22/07/2013 19:21

Yes I am being serious.

So fuck off!

TidyDancer · 22/07/2013 19:21

I haven't replied yet.

I am offering up the gift of a reply to you lot! I'm good like that, me!

I will go with the most popular/rude/outrageous.

Go at it, nest of vipers!

OP posts:
looselegs · 22/07/2013 19:21

Cheeky cow-she's got no one else to ask cos they're all at the wedding!!!

YouStayClassySanDiego · 22/07/2013 19:21

is how you should reply!

AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating · 22/07/2013 19:23

This reply has been deleted

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EvieanneVolvic · 22/07/2013 19:23

So she seriously thinks that her wedding is such a hot ticket that people will want to be involved even though they are not invited having been told to keep themselves free.

Words fail me and that doesn't happen often

I think nkf is right: the time for smartly worded passive aggression is past. I am rather taken with sowornout's suggestion.....

BalloonSlayer · 22/07/2013 19:24

"I am totally serious. Why would you think I would want to help someone who had been so absurdly rude as to send me a "save the date" card for their wedding, which you only do for your intended guests, not invite me, then ask me to act as an unpaid servant instead?"

or

"I am genuinely puzzled as to why you do not understand this. Do you think that not being invited to your wedding but being expected to skivvy for you instead is an honour, or something . . .?"

diddl · 22/07/2013 19:25

Of course I meant it
That's why I sent it
Why would I decorate
When not asked to partake?

EvieanneVolvic · 22/07/2013 19:25

And/or Katisha's suggestion of a link to this thread I am way too lazy and unimaginative to think of a smart response of my own but am happy to piggy back on others

Seriously: WHAT THE ACTUAL FECK GETS INTO PEOPLE WHEN THEY ARE GETTING MARRIED.

Come to think of it, you could use that!

AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating · 22/07/2013 19:26

This reply has been deleted

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IncrediblePhatTheInnkeepersCat · 22/07/2013 19:27

I can't believe her gall!

I'd reply with:

"Really? You'd think I'd enjoy helping set up an event I'm not invited to? I'm good enough to be your skivvy, but not good enough to attend, is that it?"

Let Bridezilla know you are pissed off!

YouTheCat · 22/07/2013 19:28

Dear Bridezilla,

You sent me a 'save the date' card so I would be available to decorate, not attend. You are very rude and presumptuous. Please fuck off to the farside of fuck.

quoteunquote · 22/07/2013 19:30

"Are you being serious? I thought you'd want to help....!"

You thought I wanted to help, Why, what ever gave you that idea?

Notafoodbabyanymore · 22/07/2013 19:31

Wow! She really is thick! How about:

Dear Numpty,

I have absolutely no idea why you thought I would like to donate my time to you for free. Your lack of self awareness is astonishing if you believe it's reasonable behaviour to expect someone to leap at the chance of decorating for a wedding to which they have not been invited.

I think it's you who's not being serious!

thebody · 22/07/2013 19:32

funny funny funny.

course you could be mean, say yes you will be there and then not turn up. when she calls tell her sorry you didn't save the date.

MrsBrownsGirl · 22/07/2013 19:32

Was just going to suggest what quoteunquote said. Ask her why on earth she thinks you would want to help??

JerseySpud · 22/07/2013 19:33

Dear Bridezilla

I would love to help the same way you invited me to your wedding.

Oh no wait you didn't did you.

Therefore i'm not helping you decorate a room for an event that i'm not actually invited to.

Hope that helps clear up the confusion for you.

Notafoodbabyanymore · 22/07/2013 19:35

Dear bitch,

Are you on glue?

JerseySpud · 22/07/2013 19:36

^^straight to the point ;)

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 22/07/2013 19:37

Why on earth would you think that I would want to help decorate for a wedding that i am not invited to? Is that what the save the date card you sent me was for? Save this date so you can come and decorate and then piss off while I enjoy my nice wedding?

Is there something seriously wrong with you?

clam · 22/07/2013 19:38

I'd go with nkf's offering: "I thought the STD card meant save the date, so I saved it. But no invite followed. I found that a bit strange and hurtful. Given that, I don't feel I want to help decorate. None of this sits well with me."

pictish · 22/07/2013 19:41

Bwahahahaaaa!! I am sorry OP, but this thread has brought much mirth to our household. Grin

What gall she has! Totally self unaware!!

My favourite so far is

"You thought I wanted to help. Why, whatever gave you that idea?"

Ellellie · 22/07/2013 19:41

Please just post a link to this thread! Please!!!!

popsnsqeeze · 22/07/2013 19:41

Dear friend,

I'm a close enough friend to be asked to decorate the room for the most important day of your life, but not to actually join in? Please explain, I just don't get it.

Tiny

EvieanneVolvic · 22/07/2013 19:42

You see, the sort of person who would have the nerve to ask you this kind of massive favour under these circs is exactly the sort who will take offence and try and make YOU look the bad guy when you call them on it.

Funny old world.

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