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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to say no to this request from a friend?

1001 replies

TidyDancer · 21/07/2013 10:16

An old friend is getting married in my home town next month. She has been talking about it non-stop since she got engaged last year and everyone's very happy for her. She sent out save the date cards and all was good.

Invitation time came around, and nothing arrived. I wouldn't normally have asked but since she had sent the save the date, I assumed DP and I were invited.

Turns out nope, we're not, and neither is another of our close friends (also from our hometown). She didn't offer up any explanation for it, other than to confirm that we weren't invited. Fine, her prerogative to invite whoever she likes to her wedding. I was a bit put out, I'll admit, since we'd had the save the date card, but oh well. Our other excluded friend was very upset and had a chat with the bride. During this conversation, friend was informed that the bride sent out the save the date cards knowing she wouldn't invite everyone and seemed to be under the impression that the cards were for the purpose of telling people about the wedding before the guest list had been finished. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the case? About 20ish people are also not invited.

Fast forward to now, four weeks to the wedding, and the bride has emailed me. No mention at all of not being invited etc. However, she is now requesting my help with decorating the venue. Apparently most people are coming from out of town so she doesn't have much local help and doesn't think she will be able to find the time to do it herself. She also mentioned wanting to keep the decorations a surprise for the wedding guests so doesn't really want to ask for help from the few locals that are invited.

I'll accept not being invited, like I say it's up to her. We have been friends for a long time and it does hurt that I'm not invited but I'm not going to make a scene over it.

But AIBU to refuse her request for help? Does it look petty? My perspective maybe a bit skewed but I think she's being cheeky.

OP posts:
EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 22/07/2013 19:05

Was that all?

Vivacia · 22/07/2013 19:05

"I am being serious. When you sent me a "save the date" I thought you wanted me at your wedding, as a guest".

ProphetOfDoom · 22/07/2013 19:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DameFanny · 22/07/2013 19:06

"oh I'd love to help but I just don't want to" should confuse her?

Jengnr · 22/07/2013 19:07

What did you say?

CeliaFate · 22/07/2013 19:07

Reply : Well you were mistaken. Add a pass/agg smiley face for good measure.

Justforlaughs · 22/07/2013 19:08

"So we both got it wrong, I thought I was getting an invite - generally accepted as a reasonable assumption, and you thought I'd love to help - WRONG!"

apostropheuse · 22/07/2013 19:09

Just say "Are you a bit cerebrally challenged or just completely fucking insane?"

KatieScarlett2833 · 22/07/2013 19:09

Reply " Why?"
( for the purpose of the thread you understand)

nkf · 22/07/2013 19:11

Seriously, is there not a case to be made for being clear with her. Eg: "I thought the STD card meant save the date, so I saved it. But no invite followed. I found that a bit strange and hurtful. Given that, I don't feel I want to help decorate. None of this sits well with me."

I get that passive aggressive notes are fun and all that. And MN does a particularly good line in them, but why not be clear? She is clearly dense and beating round the bush won't make her less dense.

zoraqueenofzeep · 22/07/2013 19:11

Wow, she actually thinks she's so important that you should feel honoured to be asked to help.

'Dear deluded, get over yourself, it's not an honour to be asked to skivvy for you, I'll be enjoying the sunshine, yours TidyDancer'.

GoofyIsACow · 22/07/2013 19:11

Ooooooh

WHERE WAS MY SAVE THE DATE FOR THIS THREAD...... Angry Grin

YouTheCat · 22/07/2013 19:12

We need the collective MN wisdom here to help formulate the perfect response.

I can't believe what a brass neck she has.

themaltesefalcon · 22/07/2013 19:12

This thread is cracking me up...

deleted203 · 22/07/2013 19:13

I would send her an email back saying,

Unfortunately, you cannot have it both ways. Generally, people ask close friends and family to their wedding. Close friends and family are really the only people you can possibly ask to do you a massive favour for free (such as give up a day to decorate your wedding venue).

Might I suggest that you ask one of your wedding guests to do so rather than myself?

GoofyIsACow · 22/07/2013 19:13

She is truly, unutterabley fucking bonkers...

GoingVerySlowlyMad · 22/07/2013 19:14

OMG! I can't believe that she doesn't get it Shock! I would go with nkf's reply as she obviously has the hide of a rhino and needs it spelling out to her.

DameFanny · 22/07/2013 19:15

You weren't invited Goofy - why on earth did you think you were?

Wink
LunaticFringe · 22/07/2013 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NorksAreMessy · 22/07/2013 19:16
Shock
starfishmummy · 22/07/2013 19:17

Maybe you could say yes but then forget to turn up on the basis that as the save the date wasn't meant seriously, you didn't take the request to help seriously

Moxiegirl · 22/07/2013 19:18

What the hell is wrong with these people?
I'd reply 'why on earth would you think that?!'

SlimePrincess · 22/07/2013 19:18

I can't believe it :0

PenguinBear · 22/07/2013 19:18

She's a head case.

How did you reply?

Katisha · 22/07/2013 19:20

Sounds like you are going to have to spell it out.
Either that or send a link to the thread...

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