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AIBU?

To give up on this date

252 replies

watchforthesnail · 14/07/2013 17:01

Had a great first date last monday, so great the second date was planned the same day, for tomorrow night.

since then hes kind of dropped off the face of the earth, what was daily contact, lots of texts and things throughout the day has dropped to something like 10 messages over 6 days. Knowing he was busy this weekend i messaged to say have a nice weekend, which he recieved but didnt reply to.

Not being one to be passive about these things i sent him a message saying i wasnt sure what was up, but that if he had changed his mind that was fine and to just let me know as i didnt want to message someone when it wasnt wanted.

He immediatley replied and told me he had been crazy busy and we would chat soon. That was 48 hours ago. Nothing since. He is away this weekend with friends but has been using his phone/internet as i can see hes updated various things.....

Second date is meant to be tomorrow. Just how long am i meant to keep hanging on waiting to hear? Some friends have said i should just wait and give him a chance, others have said to send something cancelling it.

Im in two minds what to do. Give up?!!

OP posts:

Report

Feminine · 15/07/2013 13:37

Ok. then. I didn't get that from your comments however.

Anyway...hope you have a bit more luck soon! :)

EvieanneVolvic · 15/07/2013 13:39

when you meet the right guy it will feel easy and that's how you'll know.

^^^^^^

THIS with knobs on!

watchforthesnail · 15/07/2013 13:45

its just the eleventy million wrong ones before that that cause the issues

anywho, ive blocked and deleted him from everything.

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lemonmuffin · 15/07/2013 14:12

This again?

How many more times are you going to post threads like this Watch.

watchforthesnail · 15/07/2013 14:17

probably loads.

until i meet someone that isnt a weirdo.

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outingmyselfprobably · 15/07/2013 14:21

When it's right, you won't have to talk about it - dissect every last detail - with anyone.

EvieanneVolvic · 15/07/2013 14:22

Another good response Snail You're not rationed!

outingmyselfprobably · 15/07/2013 14:24

Sorry but the 'I need to have a think about things' usually means they're just not into you. And that's ok! People are polite but I wish everyone would be honest. Nothing wrong with saying, 'Hey great to meet you but I wasn't really feeling it so I won't waste your time. Good luck with other dates though!'

I never wasted time chatting online though so maybe I'm just a bit more confident. Quick exchange of messages and then onto the pub! Worked for me anyway

MissStrawberry · 15/07/2013 14:25

I think you have both handled this wrong and made it a huge deal. Many !!!!!!! after saying he has made contact it making this in to something a teenager would recognise.

If you think you are worth something special then act it. Don't send crazy chase up texts. Don't send throwing your toys out of the pram texts and just be.

FWIW DH and I met threw the mail (remember that?) and spoke on the phone a lot. Decided to meet. Did. Talked every day after that. Really easy. No angst. No mobiles at first. Met up twice a week. Together 17 years, married for 1, children, animals etc. Just really really easy and no drama. When it is right it just is. It just works.

MissStrawberry · 15/07/2013 14:26

through not threw.

watchforthesnail · 15/07/2013 14:27

out - ive done that too. ive tired lots of different ways. after the last 6 months of disasters where you keep thinking its got as bad as it can, then it gets worse. i thought if go with a paid site and some chatting to try and suss them out a bit first.

haha, yeah,, that didnt work. its all down to a bit of luck and meeting the right person at the right time. Clearly this bloke was because hes odd and thats fine.

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outingmyselfprobably · 15/07/2013 14:32

Why are they 'disasters'? Maybe it would help you stress less if you didn't consider every date that didn't progress, a disaster? They're just dates where there wasn't any chemistry. And that's ok!

Do you have friends that could see you up with friends?

outingmyselfprobably · 15/07/2013 14:32

Why are they 'disasters'? Maybe it would help you stress less if you didn't consider every date that didn't progress, a disaster? They're just dates where there wasn't any chemistry. And that's ok!

Do you have friends that could see you up with friends?

outingmyselfprobably · 15/07/2013 14:33

And you are totally right - it is luck!

formicadinosaur · 15/07/2013 14:39

I think texting 10 times a day is bombarding someone.

watchforthesnail · 15/07/2013 14:39

oh, they are disasters, because there was the grannyshagger. there was the one who i thought might have been married that strung me on for ages, then vanished pre date. there was the one that stood me up there was the insane ghosthunter who i cancelled on because meeting him would have been foolish. There was the one who turned out to have only have dated and slept with me, because he was an actual stalker ( for about 8 years) of someone i used to see and was good friends with. There was the one before that who vanished the day before i was due to go to his for the weekend ( second date in) there was the one who went too fast and then ran away as fast as he could. and the one with the knitted tie. If it had just been dates and then it didnt go anywhere thats cool and different to the unfounded disaster area ive had the last 6 months.

noone has any single friends my age. ive asked.

OP posts:

Ragwort · 15/07/2013 14:43

Why waste all your time and energy (and probably money) on dating sites and 'trying to find someone'. Get some hobbies, enjoy your interests, make friends that way (the old fashioned way ) - you may meet someone, you may not but at least you will be enjoying yourself and keeping busy rather than endlessly focussing on 'meeting Mr Right'. That's how I met my DH - and we still have the same hobby .

Surely after all the dating angst you've had you don't want to carry on, you make yourself look desperate.

watchforthesnail · 15/07/2013 14:46

i dont pay.... my match. com was a freebie. i have lots of hobbies and interests and friends. i am also enjoying myself and am busy and its not the sole focus of my life.

ive just not lucked out and met anyone in any of those situations. that does not mark me as desperate because i continue to put myself out there.

OP posts:

SomewhereBeyondTheSea · 15/07/2013 14:55

This is exactly why I've given up on online dating. Just an endless procession of oddballs, covert marrieds looking for a bit on the side, and time wasters. I'd love to meet the right guy but I've basically given up on the idea because online dating is so annoying.
You have my sympathies, Watch. If you find a good source of lovely genuine single men, please let me know!

TiffanyAtBreakfast · 15/07/2013 16:45

MissStrawberry, it's delightful that you met your DH so easily. It doesn't fall into everyone's lap in quite the same way though.

Some of my best friends met their current long term partners online, and they had plenty of hobbies and lived very full lives. Just very busy ones where they hadn't met anyone special, so they looked online. It's not an ideal situation but it's not much different to meeting someone on a night out really - You might introduce yourselves without really taking in what they're like, exchange numbers, chat a bit via text/email/fb until someone gets up the courage to suggest a date, and the rest is history.

I think it must be hard not to see every date as a big deal when you're eager to meet someone nice and you've been chatting to them for ages.

Agree with those saying it shouldn't be this angsty with a guy, he should want to talk to you and see you. To be honest though I would have been put off by every single thing he said about not knowing what he wanted and you finding him irritating etc blah. Can't deal with needy men.

WafflyVersatile · 15/07/2013 16:52

The OP was put off by those. He didn't come out with them until today.

watchforthesnail · 15/07/2013 17:02

yes, i was put off by those, they didnt happen until today.
What he said since was he likes to be in his comfort zone and not step out of the box. All the angst has come from him... id just been led into a path of confusion by someone who had no idea what they wanted. Not my fault.

and of course its all very easy when its someone who likes you, ive had that in the past, ive not been single my entire life.... but its not always like that and you are basing that on the fact that everyone you meet is 1- going to want a relationship with you 2- is honest 3- is not a loon.

ive just not come across that combo before.

OP posts:

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MissStrawberry · 15/07/2013 17:31

TiffanyATBrakfast - my point, which you appear to have missed, was if it is right it is easy and if it brings worry, upset and angst then they probably aren't the one for you.

watchforthesnail · 15/07/2013 17:42

which he wasnt. but its not anything ive done. You said ive handled it wrong, i cant see actually how ive done anything different to what you did, we chatted, we met, he went weird, i picked up on it and now its done.

you just had a different ending because your guy was interested not a loon

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elastamum · 15/07/2013 17:43

Its not you its def them! (he sounds a bit of a prat TBH)

I think the people on here throwing such casual critisism have probably never tried internet dating. It is a minefield (I met my DP through the internet).

The ONLY point I do agree with, is that if you happen to meet the right person - a long shot I know - then it is easy. And if they mess you around at the start, walk away fast as it never gets any better

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