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Original poster

To give up on this date

252 replies

watchforthesnail · 14/07/2013 17:01

Had a great first date last monday, so great the second date was planned the same day, for tomorrow night.

since then hes kind of dropped off the face of the earth, what was daily contact, lots of texts and things throughout the day has dropped to something like 10 messages over 6 days. Knowing he was busy this weekend i messaged to say have a nice weekend, which he recieved but didnt reply to.

Not being one to be passive about these things i sent him a message saying i wasnt sure what was up, but that if he had changed his mind that was fine and to just let me know as i didnt want to message someone when it wasnt wanted.

He immediatley replied and told me he had been crazy busy and we would chat soon. That was 48 hours ago. Nothing since. He is away this weekend with friends but has been using his phone/internet as i can see hes updated various things.....

Second date is meant to be tomorrow. Just how long am i meant to keep hanging on waiting to hear? Some friends have said i should just wait and give him a chance, others have said to send something cancelling it.

Im in two minds what to do. Give up?!!

OP posts:
Original poster
watchforthesnail · 15/07/2013 11:30

curryeater... weirdly, hes had this big long chat.. and ive replied and now nothing for the last 30 mins. so i think you are actually right.
and probably have him sussed.

hes seen my messages... and not replied. and there has been no decision made about later.

OP posts:
Mia4 · 15/07/2013 11:32

OP I'm sorry but this confirms what I said before about the different reactions and actions to things, this guy is wanting you to chase him, do you want to? He's a time waster, if you keep on bothering I can guarantee you you'll be posting a lot more on her with more annoyances.

Put it like this, dating at the start is the 'honeymoon period', if he's messing you around already and making it shit what hope would the rest of a relationship have?

Maybe let him go to find someone who does want to chase him and be messed around?

chansondumatin · 15/07/2013 11:33

Just read this thread. He sounds like a self-obsessed idiot with no empathy or manners. You're better off out of it OP. Get rid.

Original poster
watchforthesnail · 15/07/2013 11:34

mia - i know. which is what i suspected. Im not chasing i dont mind doing a bit of it but only if im being met halfway. he is a time waster and making so much drama out of a second date, and ive told him this, said hes really over thinking it and a second date isnt a committment. I dont want to be messed around and it really should not be this difficult at all.

OP posts:
Cuddlydragon · 15/07/2013 11:35

Errr, make his mind up for him and cancel or tell him to sod off. Seriously, it's one date, he didn't feel a spark, so don't waste your time. Give him the kiss off and thank your lucky stars you're not wasting any time with him. You deserve better.

WafflyVersatile · 15/07/2013 11:36

It doesn't have to be him who makes the decision.

He's got his stuff, whatever. It doesn't mean you have to accept being left to the last minute before you know what you're doing.

I don't agree that you've been too intense.

Mia4 · 15/07/2013 11:39

watchforthesnail I'm sorry it went shit for you. How about take control and tell him to gtfo? You taking control puts him in his place, ruins his 'happy feeling' from time wasting and messing and will make you feel a lot better.

You may want to block him too though, he might become an 'unflushable'

TiffanyAtBreakfast · 15/07/2013 11:40

All I'd have to hear is 'there's no spark' and I wouldn't be replying, ever again. Can't believe he's agonising TO YOU about whether he wants to see you or not! What a nerve.

You can do better, let him mind fuck someone else.

TiggyD · 15/07/2013 11:42

You're both making the second date out to be a drama. It should be 2 people who like each other hanging out together for a bit.
Put the ball in his court and tell him you'd like to see him again and he needs to say when and where. And try not to turn up in a wedding dress.

Original poster
watchforthesnail · 15/07/2013 11:42

its now 45 mins since his last reply. infuriating. ive already deleted him from any social networking.....

OP posts:
Original poster
watchforthesnail · 15/07/2013 11:44

tiggy - im not. ive said as much to him. its just hanging out for a second time. Im not trying to marry the dude.

he has got a bit of a cheek really.....

OP posts:
poopyisapig · 15/07/2013 11:45

Actually, I think you should leave it and chalk it up to a shit experience.

If you did start seeing him could you imagine what he's be like in 6weeks, 3 months, a year? Constantly saying he's confused about his feelings and messing you around.

A second date shouldn't be this much hassle.

TiggyD · 15/07/2013 11:46

If you've deleted him that's a signal to him you're not interested.

Relationship over.

EvieanneVolvic · 15/07/2013 11:48

I had this more times than I could count too, snail (but have now been happily married to Mr Volvic for eight years Grin ) and so believe me I know your pain. Trust me the right one (or even a halfway decent person) does not play in this way.

You still have the upper hand. In your place I would treat myself to a fabulous night in with the best possible company (ie Ms Gorgeous Snail) and you can either say nothing to him and delete him from your mind or send him one last message saying something better has come up (which is the truth!!)

The right one is worth waiting for!

Original poster
watchforthesnail · 15/07/2013 11:49

bullet bitten
i have sent

' i think if it requires so much thought over what you want to do its best to leave it. there really is so little need for it to be so angsty'

fuck it.

OP posts:
EvieanneVolvic · 15/07/2013 11:51

Superb! You have called the final shot whilst ever so delicately telling him he's a bit of a twat. Nice one. The guy who snaffles you will be lucky indeed!

HappyAsEyeAm · 15/07/2013 11:52

My response would be along the lines of "I'm sorry that you're unsure about me. Let me make it easier for you - after what you've said, I'm decided about you. Lets leave it there.". Onwards and upwards!

HappyAsEyeAm · 15/07/2013 11:53

Cross posts, OP. I like your response Smile

Cuddlydragon · 15/07/2013 11:58

Great response.

Cailinsalach · 15/07/2013 11:59

Good for you, Watchfor. He does sound like a bit of a prima donna diva fecker type.

Davsmum · 15/07/2013 11:59

All this drama about a second date!
Life is too short.
Do not chase people!

chansondumatin · 15/07/2013 12:03

Perfect response. Hope he squirms.

diddl · 15/07/2013 12:09

That sounds like the correct response.

Although I can't help think that you started the Angst with the asking what was up.

Original poster
watchforthesnail · 15/07/2013 12:09

erm, now this....
hes said ' id not seen the messages, ive a work experience lad in, i think maybe skip it as i dont think im the right onefor you. im hard work and not great at this dating stuff and im never sure about brining somone in. maybe its just me and im going to miss out on something great but i dont want to waste your time

and then
i dont know what i want i just feel like i needed more of a connection after our first meetiing to committ more of my time. i also now feel from a couple of my responses that you are getting irrated by me already ;(

wt actual fuck

OP posts:
curryeater · 15/07/2013 12:13

Block. Boring self absorbed loser.