To Slap This Woman Back?

[RightOldSlapper]

I've nc'd for this as don't want it to follow me adoring but am a regular poster (Yoni, Pom Bears, Naice Ham, Wilf etc).

I'm not asking AIBU as I know I was but I'm asking to what degree was I unreasonable, say on a scale of 1 to 5 in regards to the following incident.

Yesterday, DS3 (aged 13) and DS4 (aged 9), were playing out in our street, with 6 other similarly aged children who live on the same street, DS3 being the eldest. They were not directly outside our house but around 8-10 houses down. There is a small junction in between, and while I recognise the residents in that area I certainly don't know them as well as my immediate neighbours. I am however very friendly with one of the others boys mum, who lives that far down.

I'd last seen them 20 minutes earlier having been checking on them every half hour. Anyway, at some point DS4 and a few of the other boys came running in saying that a woman up the road has hit DS3 and says she's going to kill him. I arrived to find this woman still shouting at DS3.

Apparently DS3 had fallen off his bike and over her very low front garden wall (max 2ft) onto her flowerbed. Apparently he had damaged her garden and crushed her cat. I could see no visible damage to the shrubs (no flowers). The cat was nowhere to be seen. It was an accident. She had been washing her car and had rushed over yanked him up, screamed at him and slapped twice; once on the top of the back and once across the face.

While I was there trying to resolve the situation she threatened to slap him again. Am not pleased with myself but I lost my temper and I grabbed her then hit her twice. I've been feeling guilty but not. Am quite conflicted, and am also quite shocked still at what happened, friends/family have said it was ok but I just wonder was it really that ok or am I totally irrational.

So yes how unreasonable was I?

I don't want to drip feed but I haven't written down all minutiae of this incident as I didn't want to start straying into Dostoyevsky territory. However I'm happy to provide further details if some of you feel its relevant.

Hmmm
On the one hand I would have been very tempted to do the same in your situation.
But
You did rather lose any moral high ground by belting her, even if it was in defence of DS.
Not sure tbh, sorry!

Both of you WBU at scale 5.

i think you where well within your rights"!!! go back and slap her some more cheeky cow!!

Bloody hell!
I'd be saying call the police if you hadn't slapped her back.

It sounds like you've strayed more into Kyle than Dostoevsky territory to me!

You should have had her done for assault

The rational thinking me wants to say that YABU for hitting her back.

The other bit of me thinks that if I ever saw anyone hitting my son, I would wallop them before I even thought about it.

Very. Top of the scale. You lost the moral high ground by doing to her exactly what she did to your DS (which was very wrong). Better to have called the police, I think. I do understand you feeling rage that someone hit your child, but that's something you have to control.

You were definitely a level 5 U there, I'm afraid. However I probably would have done the same in your shoes.

Such a shame you didn't keep the rage down though because you could have called the police and had her done for assault.

Yep both scale 5 for me

And a terrible example to the kids, who no doubt sort their arguments out without resorting to violence in the street.

She slapped your son after he'd already taken a fall! I don't think yabu she assaulted a child, the nasty bully

I'm against violence but I can see how something can take over when someone threatens to be violent to your son, after being violent already. It wasn't the best thing to do but it doesn't sound like you'll do it again. It would of been better to phone the police. What did she do after you hit her?

What did she do once you hit her?

The OP didn't 'hit her back'

That would imply the woman hit her

She shouldn't have hit her son and then threatened to do it again

But the OP should have acted in a dignified manner and phoned the police.

It all sounds a bit Jeremy Kyle, she was completely in the wrong for hitting your ds but you should have phoned the police

YABU scale 5, because you lost your self control and demonstrated a powerfully negative message to your children.

I would have been tempted myself btw, so am only judging because you asked.

I think you should've called the police as that's the right way to respond to violence IMO.

If you had kept your cool and not hit her you could have had her for assault. Now she is more likely to have you for assault.

I completely understand how you feel when someone has threatened or hurt your children, but it would have been better not to hit her to be honest.

YABU. She was well out of order and could be charged with assault on a child. However hitting her back achieved nothing and you too broke the law. Fighting violence with violence is never good.

See, i would have knocked her out if she had laid a finger on my child and probably got carted off in a police car That of course is absolutely not the right course of action, the right course of action is to take great pleasure in calling the police. I just know i wouldn't have been able to hold my temper long enough to think rationally - red mist would have well and truly descended.

It's totally U for her to have slapped your ds and for you to have slapped her. You were a very poor example to your son in how to behave by doing this.

However, just wish to point out how annoying children playing outside your house can be! What was he doing that he fell off his bike into someone's garden? Were they being properly supervised?

I would have floored her if she'd slapped my son. But then I have a vile temper so maybe not the best person to give a balanced opinion.

I think YANBU at all.

You could report yourself to the police, and explain you thought she was going to hit the child again, because she said she was going to hit your child again, and you felt the only way to stop her was to get on in first.

That way you will have peace of mind they are not going to come knocking, and you have to go on the defensive.

I agree by doing it back you lost the moral high ground so if your story is accurate I would say you get a 5. Understandable reaction though - hope she wasn't older or ill.
Am not sure about her reaction as it seems over the top for this 'accident'. Are you sure that the kids were telling you the whole truth and that they weren't in fact being naughtier than you would accept or believe them capable of? Kids do tend to exaggerate when worried about being caught being bad.
Don't think it in any way excuses her behaviour however as no one should slap a child that isn't their own. If you hadn't hit her I would have suggested you went to the police, but I would also advise you to check your DC are telling the full truth beforehand.

Who does she think she is slapping children?

It would have taken every bit of self control for me not to bury her in her flower bed, but you should have took your DS home a rang the police.

I'm not sure what you can do now.

MrsPercyPig I agree that the kids might have been pissing about. The woman might have saw red (still no excuse) because someone pushed the boy off the bike.

But why would a 13yr old need to be 'properly' supervised in the street?