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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To Slap This Woman Back?

294 replies

RightOldSlapper · 08/07/2013 16:52

I've nc'd for this as don't want it to follow me adoring but am a regular poster (Yoni, Pom Bears, Naice Ham, Wilf etc).

I'm not asking AIBU as I know I was but I'm asking to what degree was I unreasonable, say on a scale of 1 to 5 in regards to the following incident.

Yesterday, DS3 (aged 13) and DS4 (aged 9), were playing out in our street, with 6 other similarly aged children who live on the same street, DS3 being the eldest. They were not directly outside our house but around 8-10 houses down. There is a small junction in between, and while I recognise the residents in that area I certainly don't know them as well as my immediate neighbours. I am however very friendly with one of the others boys mum, who lives that far down.

I'd last seen them 20 minutes earlier having been checking on them every half hour. Anyway, at some point DS4 and a few of the other boys came running in saying that a woman up the road has hit DS3 and says she's going to kill him. I arrived to find this woman still shouting at DS3.

Apparently DS3 had fallen off his bike and over her very low front garden wall (max 2ft) onto her flowerbed. Apparently he had damaged her garden and crushed her cat. I could see no visible damage to the shrubs (no flowers). The cat was nowhere to be seen. It was an accident. She had been washing her car and had rushed over yanked him up, screamed at him and slapped twice; once on the top of the back and once across the face.

While I was there trying to resolve the situation she threatened to slap him again. Am not pleased with myself but I lost my temper and I grabbed her then hit her twice. I've been feeling guilty but not. Am quite conflicted, and am also quite shocked still at what happened, friends/family have said it was ok but I just wonder was it really that ok or am I totally irrational.

So yes how unreasonable was I?

I don't want to drip feed but I haven't written down all minutiae of this incident as I didn't want to start straying into Dostoyevsky territory. However I'm happy to provide further details if some of you feel its relevant.

OP posts:

EldritchCleavage · 09/07/2013 11:06

Did she slap your son on her property? Did you enter her property to assault her? If so she can have both of you up for intrusion and assault

No, I don't think so. Trespass is a civil wrong, so what could the DS possibly be charged with? He fell into her property by accident. He didn't then commit an offence while he was there, so far as we know.

OP could find herself with an assault complaint made against her but could make one right back, on behalf of her DS.

HeathRobinson · 09/07/2013 11:10

'My cat is pleasantly surprised every time he finds his food bowl in the kitchen'

tableandsofa · 09/07/2013 12:58

The rational thinking me wants to say that YABU for hitting her back.

The other bit of me thinks that if I ever saw anyone hitting my son, I would wallop them before I even thought about it.

This.

IneedAsockamnesty · 09/07/2013 13:49

I does not matter if it happened on her property or off it.

It only counts if its a dog attacking. Householders have a duty of care to people on there property even if they are there unlawfully.

And in the uk you do not have the right to use force to defend your property.

Original poster

RightOldSlapper · 09/07/2013 20:46

Thanks for the advice. I still feel quite distressed by the incident, which I think might just be because she's only up the road and I have to walk past the house at least 4 times per day so have been getting a constant reminder.

Also feel a bit nervous about maybe bumping into her again.

DS seems fine though so thats the main thing.

OP posts:

theodorakisses · 09/07/2013 21:48

Nobody has asked about your son, is he ok? He must have been quite shaken by the whole event. You as well. I hope whatever you choose to do, it doesn't spoil your summer or you being able to enjoy the sunshine. Horrible experience.

ThreeMusketeers · 09/07/2013 22:23

I don't know.... I think I could rip off heads etc if anyone would be stupid enough to even think about hitting my children.
But I have never lifted a hand against a living thing [spiders, flies, weeds exempted] and I don't know how to hit, properly, I mean.
I completely understand your rage though.
However, it would have been smarter to phone the police.
Then again, hindsight and all, you acted out of raw emotion.

edam · 09/07/2013 22:26

three - top tip from a self-defence guy who gave a talk at my (girl's) school when I was a teenager. If you make a fist to hit someone, don't put your thumb inside! (Honestly, he asked us all to make fists and most of us did. doh!)

WildlingPrincess · 09/07/2013 22:32

You were a lot more restrained than I would be! YANBU.

ThreeMusketeers · 09/07/2013 22:38

edam, thanks, , I hope I never need your advice, however, I will remember it!

ChameleonCircuit · 09/07/2013 22:42

If she's out when you walk past, just give a cheery "Morning, Slappy! How's yer cat?" Then watch her blood pressure go through the roof.

Shylepite · 09/07/2013 22:54

Ywnbu at all! How dare she hit your ds?! 2 wrongs don't make a right but it sounds like thats the way she communicates. I hope when the shock wears off you stop feeling guilty about what you did

edam · 09/07/2013 22:58

Three, I hate to tell you how long ago it was, but it's something I've never forgotten - and I do hope I never have to use! I've never hit anyone apart from my little sister. Wouldn't try that these days, either, she's had restraint training and could take me down, no trouble!

pictish · 09/07/2013 23:25

Chameleon I am sitting here just helpless with laughter.

OP do what she says.

MaMattoo · 09/07/2013 23:34

You are being reasonable by reflecting on it.
People have mentioned both sides of it.
I don't care about moral high ground...you hit my child. I will more than hit you!! And I won't sit and think about moral high ground and being in control, I would just see the brightest shade of red. If my child falls I expect you to ask him if he is ok and if he is hurt...

Mammyisthegirl · 10/07/2013 00:22

She hit him across the face! You know you shouldn't have hit her - but I wish I could say I wouldn't have done the same. What I would do is report that female for slapping your son. Totally, totally out of order. Obviously, there is the potential that she's off reporting you, and it might be useful to get in first?

geologygirl · 10/07/2013 00:45

She not only hit your child but threatened to kill him. That's maximum 10yrs right there.....report her!

Wittsend13 · 10/07/2013 00:47

Can this be put forward for tea spilling over keyboard?!!

MarmaladeTwatkins Mon 08-Jul-13 20:49:56
I know, ledkr!

If someone batted my DS, I wouldn't be thinking "Ah but what would Jesus do?" I'd be thinking "can I strangle her? If not, is KO'ing her an option?"

SacreBlue · 11/07/2013 18:40

At least you were both dressed

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