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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Slap This Woman Back?

294 replies

RightOldSlapper · 08/07/2013 16:52

I've nc'd for this as don't want it to follow me adoring but am a regular poster (Yoni, Pom Bears, Naice Ham, Wilf etc).

I'm not asking AIBU as I know I was but I'm asking to what degree was I unreasonable, say on a scale of 1 to 5 in regards to the following incident.

Yesterday, DS3 (aged 13) and DS4 (aged 9), were playing out in our street, with 6 other similarly aged children who live on the same street, DS3 being the eldest. They were not directly outside our house but around 8-10 houses down. There is a small junction in between, and while I recognise the residents in that area I certainly don't know them as well as my immediate neighbours. I am however very friendly with one of the others boys mum, who lives that far down.

I'd last seen them 20 minutes earlier having been checking on them every half hour. Anyway, at some point DS4 and a few of the other boys came running in saying that a woman up the road has hit DS3 and says she's going to kill him. I arrived to find this woman still shouting at DS3.

Apparently DS3 had fallen off his bike and over her very low front garden wall (max 2ft) onto her flowerbed. Apparently he had damaged her garden and crushed her cat. I could see no visible damage to the shrubs (no flowers). The cat was nowhere to be seen. It was an accident. She had been washing her car and had rushed over yanked him up, screamed at him and slapped twice; once on the top of the back and once across the face.

While I was there trying to resolve the situation she threatened to slap him again. Am not pleased with myself but I lost my temper and I grabbed her then hit her twice. I've been feeling guilty but not. Am quite conflicted, and am also quite shocked still at what happened, friends/family have said it was ok but I just wonder was it really that ok or am I totally irrational.

So yes how unreasonable was I?

I don't want to drip feed but I haven't written down all minutiae of this incident as I didn't want to start straying into Dostoyevsky territory. However I'm happy to provide further details if some of you feel its relevant.

OP posts:
phantomnamechanger · 08/07/2013 17:05

OMG glad you lot don't live round here!

well done the boys that came to get you but the correct response once you knew DS was OK was to call the police. This woman assaulted a minor. That's bad - it may affect her job (if she has one). But you are no innocent either. What an example to set your kids.

cornypony · 08/07/2013 17:06

what did she do? Shock
what kind of person hits a child who has fallen from their bike?

AllYoursBabooshka · 08/07/2013 17:06

I say should have, but I feel like a hypocrite reading that post.

I probably would have buried the fucker...

Lweji · 08/07/2013 17:06

If some stranger was about to slap my DS again in front of me, I might do more than slap her.
And would then call the police.

How did she threaten your DS? By words, or was she about to?

BabsAndTheRu · 08/07/2013 17:06

I think we all know what the op should have done and the correct procedure etc, but easier said than done when someone has assaulted your child and is threatening to do it again. Op I would have done the same, knowing I shouldn't but I would be so angry.

LaurieFairyCake · 08/07/2013 17:06

You were being very unreasonable to assault her for a 'threat'.

She was unreasonable to assault him but I could imagine that happening if he's actually crushed her cat!!!!

One is a threat and one is killing an animal!!!

How's the cat? Is it dead? Very hurt?

katydid02 · 08/07/2013 17:07

You were both being unreasonable. You should have controlled your temper, retained the moral high ground and reported her to the police.
At 13 your DS shouldn't be riding his bike on the pavement. I hope he (and the cat) are OK.

bittenipples · 08/07/2013 17:07

Oh Lordy, Lordy. What a scene for children to witness.

Fraid it's a level 5 from me too. As others have said, you lost control of the situation when you slapped her, you should have called the police.

Hope your son is okay, I'll bet he is in a state of shock?
He needed you to have remained calm, sorry.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 08/07/2013 17:08

Moral highground Moral schmiground.

You did the right thing and I would have done the same. Maybe she will think twice before slapping children whove fallen over in the future.

wonderingsoul · 08/07/2013 17:08

it5 dont matter what the kids did. you dont hit some ones child. and you espically dont threaten to hit them again infront of their mother.

you cant really phone the police. i get why you did it, esp at the threat that she would do it again. thats would have been what tipped me over the edge.

on a scale id say a 2.

Kaekae · 08/07/2013 17:09

I would have given her a slap twice as hard. If she had abused my child like that she'd be asking for it. I could not care less about moral high ground in this instance. The thing I never understand on this site is the fact so many people always seem to think the child is lying?

Lweji · 08/07/2013 17:09

Of course that when you consider a 13 year old, they can be adult size already.
And could be very mouthy.
And your DS could have been driving his bike dangerously.

Do you know what happened?

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 08/07/2013 17:10

You should have called the police. Which is easy for me to say since nobody has attacked my child!
I suspect that i would have gone for her too if it had been my child she'd hit. I think id have lost the reasonable thought out response that comes from it not being your kid!

wonderingsoul · 08/07/2013 17:11

fairy-- its more then a treat.. shes done it twice already you could possable say it was in defeance to stop her carrying it out for a 3rd time.

yes poor cat.. it was an accideant.. and im sure scartted before he actually landed on the floor..as thats what cats tend to do.. run from sudden noise and movement

Justfornowitwilldo · 08/07/2013 17:11

You should have called he place and taken your DC home. You assaulted a woman. Twice. I'd be waiting for the police to knock on your door.

Justfornowitwilldo · 08/07/2013 17:12

The police.

AllYoursBabooshka · 08/07/2013 17:12

Exactly Hecsy.

wonderingsoul · 08/07/2013 17:12

just0-- and shes assaulted a child twice.. first.. i doubt your get a knock on the door. and if you do.. she'll come of worse

CunningAtBothEnds · 08/07/2013 17:13

YWNBU at all IMHO. I would have done the same.

DoItTooJulia · 08/07/2013 17:14

I'm gonna shoot from the hip. I'm with you OP. I'd have done the same, including the weird guilt/ non guilt.

Yes it's wrong, yes, it doesn't set a good example, but if an adult touched my child son.....I know my hand would have been out and slapped her before I could have said " how rude"....

Justfornowitwilldo · 08/07/2013 17:14

Do you think that the police work on a 'she started it' basis???

fluffyraggies · 08/07/2013 17:15

What happened after you hit her OP please? (i like a detail) Who said what?

I'm not judging you at all. IMO she deserved a punch on the trumpet and probably would have got one from me in that situation too. Would have been nice to see her done for assault though.

feelingvunerable · 08/07/2013 17:15

I think you are both a 5.

I can understand your anger though as she was totally wrong.

perhaps it would have been better to go back with weed killer and show her what a destroyed flower bed really looks like, only joking.

Btw have you seen her cat since?
That bit had me in stitches and I love cats!

HeadfirstForHalos · 08/07/2013 17:15

Sitting at my laptop with a coffee, detatched from the situation I too would say you should have rung the police. Actually in the situation with one of my own children Id have struggled not to do far more than hit her twice Shock

So I think both ywbu and ywnbu, but Id love to have seen her fae when you walloped her

SirBoobAlot · 08/07/2013 17:15

It's very easy to say "You should have kept calm and called the police". But if someone had done that to my son, I would have likely reacted like you did.