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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to meet friends tomorrow for picnic as they'll be drinking?

243 replies

ChangeyMcChangeName · 05/07/2013 23:59

My friends (a couple) have recently gotten over a bad health scare...it was her...the female half. She had a terrible illness which came on suddenly and almost killed her.

She's been out of hospital for two weeks. Her DH suggested my DH and our DC go to see them tomorrow as theres a very nice beauty spot near their flat....we could have a picnic with the DC he said. I agreed...our DC are 5 and 8 and theres are 3 and 1.

Then I got a txt saying "We're going to be having a couple of bottles of wine...so bring a beer or whatever if you want..."

AIBU to get a bit judgey? She's still recovering...I mean she was in a MESS....she was at deaths door. We're going to meet them on the train as we have no car atm...so drinking isn't really a good idea...and we;ll all have the DC with us.

Am I a big misery guts? It's just put me off a bit. We're not drinkers really so I said no we wouldn't be drinking.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 06/07/2013 00:03

If you don't want to drink, then don't.

HildaOgden · 06/07/2013 00:03

Get.Over.Yourself.

Yes,you are being very,very judgey.Ever think the woman (and indeed,her hubby) have decided to enjoy the moment....sunshine,friends,childrens laughter,wine,picnic on a summers day?

Please don't bring that judgmental attitude to the picnic,it will be as welcome as a hungry wasp.

MichelleRouxJnr · 06/07/2013 00:03

So don't drink.

MichelleRouxJnr · 06/07/2013 00:04

oops x-post.
Also...everything Hilda said.

Don't drink if you don't want to but leave your judginess at home.

AgentZigzag · 06/07/2013 00:07

If she's had such a scare I'd say she might be in need of a (very large) drink.

I'm not sure I follow your thinking though, what are you being judgy over exactly?

That you think she shouldn't be drinking because she's had a brush with death and kicked him in the nads? Or because you think it'll interfere with her medication? Or that she should be making the most of life now and you don't think alcohol should be included in that?

You're not a misery to not drink yourself, that's your decision, just like having a couple is hers.

usualsuspect · 06/07/2013 00:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

quoteunquote · 06/07/2013 00:08

Maybe she is just feeling like trying to get back to a care free fun life, she is probably all too well aware how close she was.

She may well not feel like drinking, but just like the idea she could.

unless you expect them to be rolling around drunk, it wouldn't hurt to try to have some quality time together.

sitting in the sun and having a glass of wine is quite a nice thing to do to raise one spirits

BrianTheMole · 06/07/2013 00:08

Oh leave her alone. Shes best placed to make that judgement, not you.

Original poster
ChangeyMcChangeName · 06/07/2013 00:09

Agent I just think she's being foolish. Her health should be her priority right now. Her organs have been battered.

OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 06/07/2013 00:10

We often have wine on picnics. One of my friends doesn't drink so she has sparkling water. It's fun.

Original poster
ChangeyMcChangeName · 06/07/2013 00:12

I know it's fun. But honestly? When you've had a terrible illness where your main organs all shut down? Would you really then drink alcohol only weeks afterwards?

OP posts:
HildaOgden · 06/07/2013 00:13

Unless she has had liver failure,then I don't see what your problem is.And actually,even if she had ,then I really don't think it's your place to tut.

I think she (and he) are far more aware of her health situation that you are.

Original poster
ChangeyMcChangeName · 06/07/2013 00:16

well she did hilda. As I said, all her organs were under terrible strain. She was on life supportf

OP posts:
JamieandtheMagicTorch · 06/07/2013 00:16

You must never question the drinking of wine on MN. Never.

Original poster
ChangeyMcChangeName · 06/07/2013 00:16

And actually I am fully aware of her health sutuation as I was kept undated daily and helped her DH through the awfulness of it all.

OP posts:
HildaOgden · 06/07/2013 00:16

Have you considered,if her health is so bad,that maybe she has been told she doesn't have as long a life ahead of her as she could otherwise have expected?And that they have decided to enjoy it their way?

All sorts of possibilities here...but one thing is sure,they don't need you judging them.

Original poster
ChangeyMcChangeName · 06/07/2013 00:18

Apparently not Jamie! Even if you're lying on the slab it would be considered rude not to have a glass of bloody wine here. I still think it's bloody awful actually. To almost die...have your life taken away...leave your DC...get saved by the NHS and then to go off and drink alcohol. Wrong.

OP posts:
Morloth · 06/07/2013 00:18

I think her organs are her business.

And that you should get over yourself.

Original poster
ChangeyMcChangeName · 06/07/2013 00:19

Hilda that's not the case at all. She's been told she needs to live carefully but there's no risk of an early death.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 06/07/2013 00:20

In moderation, alcohol isn't bad for your health, and you can't underestimate how much being happy in your head can help if you've been ill.

I'm sure she just said 'a couple of bottles' as the way you say it in conversation (which is used on MN too, I say things conversationally that I don't really want like 'mmm chips/choc/wine'), not necessarily that she's going to chug them both down herself.

What kind of a drinker is she normally?

Have you had chance to talk about what happened to her?

oreocookiez · 06/07/2013 00:21

Changey I completly agree with you. I have 3 kids and have never felt that when we go out on picnic BBQ's etc it is the right place to be drinking. Why do people say she may need a large drink if she has been ill?????? Why drink if you have been so ill? You are right to worry, if you dont want to drink then you dont have to and if you feel they have had a bit too much at any point then excuse yourself and leave if possible.

I am not perfect (far from it), Ive been a mum 22 years and my kids have never seen me tipsy or drunk. I have much more respect for them and for myself to think that this is OK. My son said to me a while ago (hes 22) that he has more respect for me that his friends do their parents as he has never had to watch me slurring my words and slumped in a corner.

I am not suggeting your friends will do this! Just that we are all able to have a great time and have a laugh without necking a bottle of wine.

Original poster
ChangeyMcChangeName · 06/07/2013 00:21

Morloth I know they are but it seems wrong! I bet if I said "My mate almost died of lung cancer and she's back on twenty a day...is she wrong? People would agree with me...but alcohol...oh nooooo it's FINE! Hmm

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 06/07/2013 00:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Serenitysutton · 06/07/2013 00:23

Do you have reason to think she has been advised not to drink? Because she's obviously recovered from "all her organs shutting down"- I don't really understand why you wouldn't be able to drink unless there was a specific reason

Original poster
ChangeyMcChangeName · 06/07/2013 00:23

Agent she's always been a heavy drinker. Oreo that's it exactly...I just don't feel "right" drinking on a picnic with children! It's so unnecessary! Why not just play and have a walk and eat some nice food? Drinking is for adults...it affects your judgement and in the hot sun outdoors it makes you feel shit!

OP posts: