To not want to meet friends tomorrow for picnic as they'll be drinking?

[ChangeyMcChangeName]

My friends (a couple) have recently gotten over a bad health scare...it was her...the female half. She had a terrible illness which came on suddenly and almost killed her.

She's been out of hospital for two weeks. Her DH suggested my DH and our DC go to see them tomorrow as theres a very nice beauty spot near their flat....we could have a picnic with the DC he said. I agreed...our DC are 5 and 8 and theres are 3 and 1.

Then I got a txt saying "We're going to be having a couple of bottles of wine...so bring a beer or whatever if you want..."

AIBU to get a bit judgey? She's still recovering...I mean she was in a MESS....she was at deaths door. We're going to meet them on the train as we have no car atm...so drinking isn't really a good idea...and we;ll all have the DC with us.

Am I a big misery guts? It's just put me off a bit. We're not drinkers really so I said no we wouldn't be drinking.

[letsgotostonehenge]

ha ha hungry wasp!!

[LadyBeagleEyes]

How is it the same thing Hacer, what nonsense..
Even common people with badly dressed children have picnics with a bottle of wine for the adults.

[HacerCalorHoy]

Adults drinking alcohol in a public place in the middle of the day. Does the choice of alcohol or absence of children matter?

[Snoot]

Oh FGS, do people really judge others for having a glass of wine? Does that spread out into cheese, bread, cigarettes? I certainly would avoid such people, what do they do for fun? Judge? Incredible. Glad my friends are not like this, some are teetotal, vegans, whatever but we manage to get along without judging each other. Good luck with that.

[skislope]

What a mad discussion. What is wrong with a few drinks at a picnic in the middle of the day? With kids or without? Whatever next! Wouldn't even cross my mind this is 'wrong'. The mind boggles.

[SolidGoldBrass]

I suppose we ought to be kind and remember that some of the catsbumface posters might have had many a weary social event having to defend themselves against the just-as-rude-and-tiresome type of person who won't leave them alone about their refusal of an alcoholic drink. You know, when you ask for a fruit juice or a cola or a glass of water and there's someone who just won't leave it alone - 'Oh go on, have a beer/some wine. Oh you're so uptight, it will do you good. I suppose you think you're better than us. Are you ill? Are you pregnant? Why won't you have a drink...' endlessly. That can make you a bit snippy with people who like a drink or two even when we have good manners...

[imademarion]

Last time I checked, cheese didn't cause 8,748 deaths last year.

Not does it wreck families and cause trauma to children that lasts their whole lives.

Nor, to my knowledge, does it cause relatively socially adjusted adults to piss in public, start fights over trivia, have sex with random strangers or puke attractively on a bus in front of schoolchildren.

I am aware that not everyone drinks to this excess, but alcohol can be antisocial and downright dangerous.

Pop out to your local high street at chucking out time tonight for further edification.

I think the OP was brave. As I said earlier, if its really not such a big deal TO drink, why does it seem to be such a huge deal to suggest NOT to drink?

[echt]

imademarion How has the OP been brave?

Not so sure about the cheese: if one extrapolates it to include other fats consumed in large quantities, then I'd say far more than 8,748 would be killed by it, and their families devastated. It's a crap analogy isn't it? About as relevant as yours, though.

You say you realise that not everyone drinks to excess, then use the statistics of excess.

The friend isn't proposing a bender.

[HaveIGotPoosForYou]

I can see why you would be worried about her drinking when looking after a 3 and a 1 year old, as they are hardly big and if they do get pretty sloshed, that's not too nice for the little's plus puts them in greater risk as they wouldn't be as aware as they would normally be.

As far as her organs are concerned though, I think it's her choice what she decides to do with them.

I am sure she'd be flattered though that you care so much about her, it's nice to have a friend who cares.

[AgentZigzag]

'why does it seem to be such a huge deal to suggest NOT to drink?'

Because the OP is suggesting it for someone else, in a less than lighthearted, jokey, pleasant way.

That the way she's written the OP makes it seem as though she'd put pressure on someone already under enough pressure.

It'd be a friend making a bad situation worse.

And alcohol doesn't do all those things you say, it just sits there in a bottle, those people would do those things regardless, alcohol doesn't excuse or cause any behaviour, it's just a liquid.

[AgentZigzag]

Although after saying that, I'm wondering whether the OP's taken to the bottle after seeing the thread and she's not up to drunken posting

[expatinscotland]

'I think the OP was brave. As I said earlier, if its really not such a big deal TO drink, why does it seem to be such a huge deal to suggest NOT to drink?'

Because adults can make their own choices. The OP can chose not to drink, that's fine. But enjoys being judgey about other peoples' choices.

She said no, they wouldn't be drinking. Fine.

[RoxyFox211]

Yabu. & over reacting. Not your place to make decisions on her behalf, frustrating though that may be for you.

[nkf]

Most people seem to have missed the point. It's not about drinking with children around. it's about concern about whether someone who nearly died should be drinking. And, if as a friend, it's okay to say something.

MN posters are generally such boozers that even a mild suggestion of restraint is pounced on.

[WorraLiberty]

I don't think the OP has showed any concern...just judgement.

A quick 'Are you sure you should be drinking?' in her friend's ear would suffice.

[Mintyy]

Spectacular amount of missing the point! Mumsnet appears to be full of proper thickos.

[deste]

I know where you are coming from, saw a friend two weeks ago and commented on how well she was looking. She told me she just got the all clear for two months after having treatment for lung cancer caused by smoking and yes she celebrated by starting to smoke again.

[AgentZigzag]

'Mumsnet appears to be full of proper thickos'

Including yourself in that Mintyy?

Not none of yoos are as thick as me.

[Snoot]

I think the point is that it's her business (recovering friend!) and none at all of judgy-judgy OP.

[CoteDAzur]

"I just don't feel "right" drinking on a picnic with children!"

Don't drink then.

"It's so unnecessary!"

So is a picnic. Sometimes people do things for pleasure rather than necessity.

"Drinking is for adults..."

And only adults will be drinking the wine. Do you think they will pour some for their children?

YABU, judgemental, and yes "a big misery guts".

[Xmasbaby11]

That's a tough one, and I can see why you're alarmed given what your friend's been through. The thing is that she will drink whether you're there or not, so you should go and be a friend. It doesn't matter whether you drink or not. Perhaps by talking to each other you will understand each other better.

[JackNoneReacher]

deste the friends illness was not caused by a glass of wine on a picnic so is really not comparable to your friends lung cancer.

[deste]

The OP said the illness was caused by drinking. It doesn't matter if its on a picnic or at home, it's the drinking again that's the problem. Our NHS is over-stretched as it is without people deliberately going against doctors orders.

[JackNoneReacher]

Where did she say that?

[expatinscotland]

And where is the OP, really?