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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a section when not medically neccessary

176 replies

GoodTouchBadTouch · 02/07/2013 11:23

First post, Id like some opinions please. I appreciate it sounds a bit trollish so feel free to ignore it.
Im expecting my 3rd child in December, my husband is only able to be at the birth if it is a planned caesarean during school hours, otherwise he will have to look after our children as there is nobody else to.

My first was born by emergency C-section under general so my husband had to leave the room, my second was a VBAC and my husband was at home with our then 2 year old. He would love to be there.. I watch the fathers snivelling on One Born Every Minute and feel really ripped off

The VBAC was lovely but its hard work (obv) especially without someone to encourage you, and I sort of feel like I cant be arsed again. Also I had to go to theatre for an hour immediately after the baby was born, for manual removal of the placenta and stitches. Poor baby was left alone... still makes me feel sad.

I do know the risks of a section, and the cost to the NHS etc.
Home birth is out, having had a section... Im not really the type anyway.

Thank you in advance

OP posts:
CoteDAzur · 02/07/2013 22:35

The messenger wouldn't be shot if she didn't relay the message incorrectly to fit her agenda Wink

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 02/07/2013 22:37

I said up thread that OP should absolutely have a section if she wants. I believe that there should be greater flexibility for birthing women.

megsmouse · 02/07/2013 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmberSocks · 02/07/2013 22:46

you can get doulas for very little,and you are supposed to meet prior to the birth so that you form a relationship with them,on the doula uk website it also mentions they want everyone to have access to a doula regardless of income or social status and have ways around it.

Greige · 02/07/2013 22:55

Your labour, your choice.

I honestly don't know how I would have coped with labour without dp there.

do what you need to do for you and your family

Greige · 02/07/2013 22:56

Obviously didn't read thread to see how convo was going!

KeefRegina · 02/07/2013 22:57

Wow the stuff on dates is pretty worrying especially for me.

I have PCOS - which means I had not had a period for at least three months before I fell pregnant. Therefore we had to rely on dating scans as I had no period date.

Re: Relying on people for child care.

In huge situations like this it might not be best to rely on people you do not know really really well.

We had a passing friendship with local lady always asking us if we ever needed anything do ask, she had spare child seats etc, both Dc at same school.

I had baby - regimen tally prepared everything and my DH informed me of one day he had to work. I had no one to pick my Dc up.

Asked this lady, her face fell and she quickly came up with an excuse of X which I knew to be BS.

so be careful!

ps i do not blame that lady for not wanting to simply put my one DC in the car with hers, but it was she who was constanlty asking us if we ever needed the lift....

AmberSocks · 02/07/2013 22:58

If it were me,i would do it without dh there,he would rather be there and i would rather be there,but i have done it once without him there at all and once the 2nd stage without him and it really was fine,the midwives gave me more support than they would of done had he been there,i think.Also with the last two i had water births so he was mainly faffing about with the pool,he was only really there to give real support when i was pushing,i dont think id of missed him if he hadnt been there.

I think having a section because your dh cant be there is not a reason for a c section.

AmberSocks · 02/07/2013 22:58

sorry,rather him be there.

KeefRegina · 02/07/2013 23:02

Just imagining.....

" Good Touch, having read this thread you have shown me, Amber says..she doesn't think a section is a good enough reason to have me there. So, I think I will give watching our child being born, a swerve love. Cheers, nice one"

NannyPlumIsMyMum · 02/07/2013 23:07

I don't blame you - do what you think is best for you and your family x

AmberSocks · 02/07/2013 23:10

of course its not a reason for a section!its only been the last few decades men have been there at all,its not an essential!

AmberSocks · 02/07/2013 23:47

Sorry op also forgot to say that if thats what you really want to do then you should do it,but its just not something i would personally do and i dont see why anyone would,but then ive never had a c sextion and ive never had a difficult birth,so i guess i dont really know what i would do in that situation.

I suppose if last time the baby was left on its own then if that happens again,and dh isnt there,it would be on its own with some random nurse?I wouldnt like the idea of that,you have time left so try tto gather some people together who you could ask,that seems like the best bet.

Weegiemum · 02/07/2013 23:53

When I was pg with dd2 I needed emergency surgery on my kidney - carried out by urologist+obstetrician and both midwives and theatre nurses present - one thing they had ready was a big knife because there was a risk I'd need a real slash&grab section (was 28 weeks, my condition forced induction at 36+6).

I've never had a section, but I will never forget the attitude of one of the other mums in our recovery bay on the ward. She'd been scheduled for an elcs first on afternoon list at 1pm. I was rushed to theatre at 12.30 and wasn't out until almost 4. That evening she yelled at me because I'd "spoiled" her elcs. Never mind I'd just narrowly missed losing a kidney, was out of my face on morphine, has 1-2-1 midwife, they'd cut a stone half the size of my kidney out, and was on constant ctg monitoring as dd2 didn't respond well to my anaesthetic - in fact they'd put in a spinal part way through the op and revived me. She shouted and swore about how she'd "never get over" having her birth "spoiled".

They moved me to a private room then.

Just goes to show you never can tell what will happen on a surgical list!

foreverondiet · 03/07/2013 06:49

No the costs to the nhs are not the same - just looked it up and difference of £1000.

But it's not really your problem if your doctor says its ok I suppose.

That all being said my friend went for planned cs at 7am one morning and ended up sitting around all day and rightly hospital prioritises emergencies and she didn't get taken in until 4pm so baby still wasn't born within school hours.

WidowWadman · 03/07/2013 06:51

" (indeed, a pregnant woman died recently when a doctor mistook her appendix for her ovary.)"

She died because they mistook her ovary for her appendix, thus leaving the diseased appendix in. A tragic story, but nothing to do with risks connected with CS.

Swallowing · 03/07/2013 07:12

Can you not ask a friend or neighbour to look after your children? Or get a childminder/ agency nanny. I appreciate that not everyone has family close by, I live 6000 miles away from mine Sad but surely you could find someone?

Meglet · 03/07/2013 07:42

Yanbu. Better the devil you know.

But take the recovery period seriously, do not move until you have to. If you're anything like me, the more you do the more pain you will be in. Stay on the sofa in pj's for as long as possible. Get ready meals for dinner and taxi's if you can't drive.

Chunderella · 03/07/2013 10:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsPatrickDempsey · 03/07/2013 10:15

OP - you say that you can't be arsed with another vbac. I am quite shocked at this and I think that as you have already had a vbac, yabu to expect a cs.

DontmindifIdo · 03/07/2013 10:28

YANBU - given what you've been through with your last two births, I do'nt think you need to justify wanting a straightfoward birth - let's face it, you do'nt have a history that suggests you're going to just breathe the baby out and be home in time for tea. Which ever way you get this baby out of you, it's probably going to cost the NHS a lot.

I had an ELCS 4 weeks ago, but I was lucky though, felt fine after 10 days, driving at 2 weeks, have bounced back. A lot of woman don't. Do'nt compare the recovery to your EMCS, you will have been in labour for a long time first (not a great prep for an op) and you also had the general to recover from. Think about what sort of help you will have for post birth. Can you afford to pay someone to come in to help you out a few hours or pay for taxis if you can't drive after a couple of weeks?

JackNoneReacher · 03/07/2013 11:12

To all the people who believe the OP shouldn't have a section because of the additional costs...

Did you decline pain relief during labour as it wasn't medically necessary?

Or did you exercise your right to choice and request what you felt was best for you?

WidowWadman · 03/07/2013 18:55

MrsPD what is shocking about someone having tried something and coming to the conclusion that it is not for her? Sounds like an informed decision to me.

Wuxiapian · 05/07/2013 13:21

Still can't understand by a woman would choose to have a CS if a Dr hasn't deemed it necessary or in an emergency situation...

GreenPetal94 · 05/07/2013 14:55

I would investigate paid child care services

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