To have a section when not medically neccessary

[GoodTouchBadTouch]

First post, Id like some opinions please. I appreciate it sounds a bit trollish so feel free to ignore it.
Im expecting my 3rd child in December, my husband is only able to be at the birth if it is a planned caesarean during school hours, otherwise he will have to look after our children as there is nobody else to.

My first was born by emergency C-section under general so my husband had to leave the room, my second was a VBAC and my husband was at home with our then 2 year old. He would love to be there.. I watch the fathers snivelling on One Born Every Minute and feel really ripped off

The VBAC was lovely but its hard work (obv) especially without someone to encourage you, and I sort of feel like I cant be arsed again. Also I had to go to theatre for an hour immediately after the baby was born, for manual removal of the placenta and stitches. Poor baby was left alone... still makes me feel sad.

I do know the risks of a section, and the cost to the NHS etc.
Home birth is out, having had a section... Im not really the type anyway.

Thank you in advance

Just catching up.

Fakebook - not necessarily. That's certainly likely to be part of the reason, but there's also a cultural expectation that mums will go back to work after a very short (4-6 week), often unpaid, maternity leave here. Consequently, many women are much more likely to book a time that suits them around other commitments, e.g caring for other children, work. This is considered normal here, rather than someone being demanding/awkward, as can often be the perception in the UK.

EL LSCS get delayed and cancelled you know - there is no guarantee that it will be the day and time they tell you.

I do not feel women should be the martyrs of the NHS in thinking about cost to the NHS really.

You have had both forms of delivery and are therefore better placed than anyone on the planet to choose which is the best way forward for you.

By the way, what exactly is the 'type' to have a homebirth?

Sorry, I can't get past that bit in the OP. I need to know.

i had an ELCS for dc3 after 2 'failed' home births resulting in emergency sections. recovery from emergency sections was very very quick & easy, bouncing around and doing school run on day 3, elective section had some complications and although i discharged myself from hospital after 24 hours, i was then bedridden for 2 weeks. so, as you already know, there's no guarantees either way. i would go with your gut instinct, which seems to be ELCS.

would agree though, that hoping for an elective to be done at the 'booked' time, ie within school hours, is probably unrealistic. mine was booked for 9am, i was first on the list, ended up being done at 4pm.

I don't think this should be paid for by the nhs as its not medically necessary. However if you pay privately why not?

I suspect that the cost of the childcare to you would be significantly less than the cost of the cs to the nhs so for that reason yabu.

Is there really no one you could ask? How old are the kids - I would look after any of my kids school friends (and younger siblings) under these circumstances.

There is no guarantee that recovery from an elective will be a 'walk in the park', I was a wreck after mine, and it took a long time to recover. Ds was also in scbu for 8 days afterwards, as he had problems with his lungs, not helped by the fact that he hadn't been through labour.

I really hope you can find a way to get some childcare in pace, so your dh can be with you at the birth.

Baby 1 - emergency section
Baby 2 - VBAC then trip to theatre to have placenta removed.
Baby 3 - VBAC. Home for tea.

Choosing to have a major operation so your DH can be there seems ridiculous to me. I know you want him there but doing this will effect you for weeks afterwards plus there is the risk of things not going as smoothly as you would hope.

There are other options if it just about child care.

foreverondiet Tue 02-Jul-13 19:36:45
I don't think this should be paid for by the nhs as its not medically necessary. However if you pay privately why not?

I suspect that the cost of the childcare to you would be significantly less than the cost of the cs to the nhs so for that reason.

That doesn't make sense. I'm repeating myself, but the coat of a CS is the same as a VB. it might not appear that way on face value but it really truly is. So if the cost is the same it makes no difference how the OP gives birth, does it?

foreverondiet Tue 02-Jul-13 19:36:45
^I don't think this should be paid for by the nhs as its not medically necessary. However if you pay privately why not?

I suspect that the cost of the childcare to you would be significantly less than the cost of the cs to the nhs so for that reason.^

That doesn't make sense. I'm repeating myself, but the coat of a CS is the same as a VB. it might not appear that way on face value but it really truly is. So if the cost is the same it makes no difference how the OP gives birth, does it?

I can't see any harm in asking tbh.

Honestly, I don't think it is a big ask (to look after your children) it is a one off under difficult circumstances. I would be sad if someone I knew had had a VBAC alone as their DH had to look after the other child, I'd feel sad they didn't feel they could ask me and would rather go through surgery than ask.

If you discuss this in real life, with other mums or at a toddler group, I bet a number of people offer. In the last eight weeks or so I have watched children of friends so the parents could go to interviews, weddings or in the middle of the night when one friend wanted to take her diabetic DH to hospital. Never batted at eyelid or felt put out - it was the least I could do and I hope people would be there for me in these (or your) situations.

I'm near to Grantham but unfortunately won't be able to offer childcare at Christmas as I shall be home alone due to DH being deployed, and I am disabled. The birthing unit in Grantham is due to close soon, not sure when, so chances are whatever you decide you are going to have to go to Lincoln.

I wasn't allowed a Csection with DS2 despite crippling, severe SPD (it was almost 17 years ago), so I am a bit on the fence. We didn't have family around us to look after DS1 when I went into labour. My parents could have come at a push, but "were too busy painting my brother's front room", and my neighbour who was going to have him had nipped out to get last minute Christmas shopping(it was Christmas Eve). We managed to get a friend/colleague of DH to look after him. They only had him for a couple of hours because the labour was so quick despite me having had a really long labour before.

Could you contact the college in Grantham or Melton and ask if they have any childcare students who might come to do some work experience with your DC? They could become your babysitters and maybe step in when you go into labour, especially if it is in the Christmas holidays. It could be worth a shot.

Debsndan looking at the NICE National Costing Report:Caesarean Sections (Nov 2011,) it would appear that the current estimated cost of a planned CS to the NHS is £2369, with further average expenditure of £299 to cover 'adverse events' surrounding the planned CS. The average cost of a planned vaginal birth is £1665, with £212 spent on average on 'adverse events' surrounding the birth (this is an average figure, and covers the average cost of a planned VB turning into a emCS.) These are the figures that NICE recommends NHS HAs to use when carrying out cost analyses of VB vs CS. It's quite clear - planned VB (even when things go wrong, even when those wrong things include a emCS, and a longer stay in hospital,) is cheaper than planned CS. You can have a look here, page 19.

But that's not what this thread is about. It's about a woman pondering over which is the most convenient way to give birth because she doesn't have a babysitter and she is sad her OH hasn't had a TV moment. I'm worrying about whether I'll be able to find a babysitter for Friday night when I get home from work. OP has 6 months to find a babysitter for a rather more important occasion, and wondering whether to have a VBAC or a elCS is a bit of a diversion from the main question, I think.

Most of us here have given birth (this is MUMSnet, mainly for - well - mums, and although I appreciate there are people here who have not given birth, they are in the minority) and most of us have had to make a plan for what happens to our older DC when we have the next one. I am really surprised that a couple can have 2 school age children and not know any other parents by name, and have no friends who would help either! I actually think it is really sad, and that the OP could do with some advice to get herself a support/friend network in real life.

If you were my RL friend/acquaintance and you asked me to help you with childcare I would do it at the drop of a hat considering your circumstances and would be honoured to be asked.

Please don't be afraid to ask someone. I feel so sad that there's no one around you feel you could trust. Is there a nice teacher/TA at school or nursery/preschool staff you could ask - or even offer to pay?

Could you ask your midwife if its possible to take the children with you or if they have some kind of provision for these circumstances? You don't know if the baby will be delivered before school pick up anyway.

I understand why you'd be thinking this, but have you thought about the baby in this? A section means by definition that you're taking the baby out before it's ready to be born. To do that when there's no medical reason seems pretty selfish to me. Suggest you do a bit of research on childcare options - e.g. Emergencychildcare.co.uk

YABU.

yabu.

and you know yabu else you wouldnt start a thread about it.

doulas are usually happy to do childcare if possible,they are there for support not just for home births.

so then you have dh with kids and doula with you or doula with kids and dh with you.