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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have a section when not medically neccessary

176 replies

GoodTouchBadTouch · 02/07/2013 11:23

First post, Id like some opinions please. I appreciate it sounds a bit trollish so feel free to ignore it.
Im expecting my 3rd child in December, my husband is only able to be at the birth if it is a planned caesarean during school hours, otherwise he will have to look after our children as there is nobody else to.

My first was born by emergency C-section under general so my husband had to leave the room, my second was a VBAC and my husband was at home with our then 2 year old. He would love to be there.. I watch the fathers snivelling on One Born Every Minute and feel really ripped off

The VBAC was lovely but its hard work (obv) especially without someone to encourage you, and I sort of feel like I cant be arsed again. Also I had to go to theatre for an hour immediately after the baby was born, for manual removal of the placenta and stitches. Poor baby was left alone... still makes me feel sad.

I do know the risks of a section, and the cost to the NHS etc.
Home birth is out, having had a section... Im not really the type anyway.

Thank you in advance

OP posts:

iamadoozermum · 02/07/2013 11:55

Personally, having had 2 c-sections and 2 vbacs (the first had complications too) I would always go for the vbac. However, the hospital will probably give you the choice. How old are your DCs? Will your DH be able to look after them as you will probably be in hospital longer if you have the c-s and may not be as mobile etc when you do get home? How was your recovery after the first c-s?

The other thing to bear in mind is that even with a planned c-s, it may not take place during school hours. You may get bumped for any emergency sections and especially if you are on the afternoon list, this might push you into late afternoon. My 2nd section was at 3.20 on a Friday afternoon and I know there were other planned sections waiting to be after me.

claraschu · 02/07/2013 11:57

Can't you find someone to take care of your children? I will do it if you are within reach. Seriously, lots of other parents would be very sympathetic and try to help you.

NatashaBee · 02/07/2013 11:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sparechange · 02/07/2013 11:59

I think you should take the cost bit out of the equation, as the longer-term studies (which take into account the costs of physio after traumatic VBACs and EMCS and other complications) show the cost of a ELCS to be no more than £100 more than a VBAC.
I can't google the link at the moment because I'm on my phone, but someone posted it in a thread in 'childbirth' a few weeks ago if someone else wants to find it.

Fakebook · 02/07/2013 12:00

I'm having a similar problem with childcare issues with my third baby too, so am considering a home birth, but cannot even imagine having a c-section. I know my body, and I don't heal quickly or well from cuts. I have recovered from normal deliveries very quickly, even though my tears have taken a bit longer to heal. If I had an operation I would be left incapable of doing simple tasks for months. I need to be better by the time my husband's 2 weeks paternity leave is over to start doing school pick ups for dd. This will mean walking or driving occasionally especially if its raining in from November and the whole of winter.

If you feel you will cope after major abdominal surgery and be able to do tasks and know your dh will be capable of taking over if you don't heal well then definitely go for it.

yellowsnownoteatwillyou · 02/07/2013 12:14

I'm currently pondering on a section and have one temporarily book for 39 weeks due to hypermobility effecting all my ligaments as I don't think I will be physically able to give birth or could be damaged in labour. So thought I would prefer controlled intervention rather than forced.

It's a frightening choice regardless of your reasons. I have gone back and forward in my thoughts and don't have the childcare added worries.

You have to also to take your mental state in to account, and it sounds like that leans towards controlled intervention, but if you know what the recovery time is for a section and can cope with it, go for it.

The cost on the NHS to me means nothing as I've paid in to the system for 17 years, so do what you feel is best.

Jan49 · 02/07/2013 12:16

It sounds like what you really need is childcare so that your h can be with you for the birth. Maybe you could talk to other parents nearby because it must be difficult to get childcare when you won't know the date and it might involve nights. Or an agency?

specialsubject · 02/07/2013 12:18

there's no soft option for this, due to the design flaws in the human body. The cost difference to the NHS is trivial.

I think you should have the choice!

kilmuir · 02/07/2013 12:20

You want it at a given time. so you pay for it
You may be booked in for a planned delivery but be moved down if someone with a real emergeny arrives anyway.
who will look after kids post op????

HeySoulSister · 02/07/2013 12:20

Do people have a choice these days? Would a consultant not need more valid reasons?

SignoraStronza · 02/07/2013 12:21

YANBU. I coulda/woulda/shoulda tried for a vbac with dc2 but bottled it at the last minute for an elcs. It means I am definitely only having one more so tough luck dh.

You're familiar with the recovery from both and you want your dh with you. Birth isn't a competition. Do what suits you and your family.

onlyfortonight · 02/07/2013 12:21

Ask for one - don't say anything about your DH...instead tell them about the VBAC complications and that you cannot face another vaginal delivery. I was offered a section just because of a traumatic first birth - no physical medical indications - so I know it is possible. Speak to your antenatal team early and be prepared to stand your ground.

Otherwise, find some childcare...you must surely know some other mums if you have already have children? I bet they would be glad to help out if asked - I know I would! Where do you live? Is it time to get to know your local MN group?

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 02/07/2013 12:22

I'm in the US and they would absolutely be up for giving you a C Section here - in fact, they'd probably think you were crazy not to have one. Good luck!

JedwardScissorhands · 02/07/2013 12:24

YANBU. The risks of a CS are not higher; they are different. "It's major surgery" is such a meaningless statement. Given that there is not a risk free way to give birth, you need to consider the overall risks of CS and VBAC to you, and what sort of risks you prefer to take.

If you are happy with the risks of CS then do it.

Fakebook · 02/07/2013 12:26

Wibbly, that's only because of the compensation culture in the US. They tend to medicalise and control everything to make sure the patient doesn't end up suing if anything goes wrong.

peachypips · 02/07/2013 12:27

Where do you live? I will look after your kids if you like. I am a teacher so police checked etc. and I am nice and fun.
And you fakebook

mezza123 · 02/07/2013 12:36

Agree, what u need is childcare then u can decide what kind of birth to go for. I found neighbours v sympathetic when I had DC 2 and had a few options lined up (and I live in fairly central London). Any of the carers from nursery if older DC are at nursery / pre school? Do u ever use a babysitter?

Debsndan · 02/07/2013 12:42

The main reason that NICE approved CS at maternal request is because there's actually almost no cost difference. OP those that tell you cost is an issue are at best, misguided.

MammaTJ · 02/07/2013 12:47

I came on here to tell you that YABU but then I read your previous history.

Go for it, I would in your shoes. You know the risks, recovery, your history. I don't think the medics would say no either.

Backinthebox · 02/07/2013 12:51

Lots of issues in the OP, but the thing that stands out to me is that the primary reason for wanting a CS is because it will make it easier to plan childcare. I feel rather sorry for the OP that there is no one she can ask to take her children at short notice for a day/night. I have no family living near me, but other mothers from the toddler group my kids go to were more than willing to have DD dropped in at short notice, whatever time of day or night. As it was, a close friend came and collected DD at 4am, and when my mum arrived at 8am she went and brought her home again. OP, do you not have anyone at all close by that could do the same for you?

It has been pointed out that a planned CS just means that you know you will have a CS at some point. You will not get a date and time that will be stuck to if there are other more urgent cases. Recently someone I know went into hospital on a Friday expecting to have her baby that day, and due to other cases, and then the weekend, eventually had her baby on the Tuesday. If you are looking to have your baby between 9.30am and 3pm on a weekday on the NHS - good luck!

Wrt medical reasons, I would say you would have a valid claim to either a elCS or a VBAC. They both have their risks and advantages. I won't point them out here, as I have strong opinions on the matter and you need to have your own opinions on it, not someone else's that they have preached to you!

As for not being able to have a HBAC - you've already had a successful VBAC (you get complications with VB often, regardless of whether it was after a CS or not.) Your next birth will not be considered as high a risk as your VBAC, and a HB would not be ruled out by many HAs. (In my case an accidental HBAC sent me straight from high risk down to low risk for any future births - not that I'm planning on having any more! )

Good luck, and I hope your husband gets to be with you this time. My CS was done partially under LA, partially GA due to complications part way through which mean the surgery was rather more major than the usual 'major abdominal surgery' guff that everyone likes to quote, and my husband was kicked out into the corridor half way through. He found being present (and useful!) at our second baby's birth to be one of the most amazing moments of his life.

olidusUrsus · 02/07/2013 12:57

YANBU. DD was an emergency CS and if I ever have another I won't then I do not want a VBAC.

Original poster

GoodTouchBadTouch · 02/07/2013 13:24

Gosh what absolutely lovely people offering to look help out! Thats just the nicest thing Ive heard for years!

We are in Grantham. I know of other mums, but not by name and honestly not anyone Id like to leave the children with. Plus how would you ask that of someone without putting them in an awkward position? They might feel they had to say yes and then spend the next 5 months avoiding me...

Might try an agency - we did that last time and thought we were really clever until I gave birth on Christmas day. Due around Christmas again, and everyone will be busy with family stuff.

I know a planned section isnt a guarantee, but it is likely to be booked on a weekday morning, and then we could book the children into after school club which runs until 6.

Thank you for all the replies. And nobody jumped on my spelling/grammer mistakes :)

OP posts:

CloudsAndTrees · 02/07/2013 13:35

YANBU, it sounds like it would defiantly suit your family best. But I strongly believe that you should pay for it yourself, it seems massively wrong to me for you to expect the NHS to pay for you to have an operation you don't need and that you only want out of convince because of family circumstances.

Backinthebox · 02/07/2013 13:38

Ah, gosh, Christmas Day was bad planning! Very bad planning to do it twice. I managed to aim for the summer holidays each time!

I just chatted to people at toddler group, where I'd been taking DD for the last 2 years. We live in a small village, so there were only about a dozen other mothers who go regularly, and we see each other often as our children play together. We just happened to be talking about what my plans for DD were, and one mother who is a good friend and lives only 200yds from me said she would be happy to be on call for the 2 weeks after my due date, but couldn't do before as her family were away on holiday. At which point another mother said she would cover the 2 weeks before my due date except for Fridays, and after that several other mothers piped up with what dates they were around. I made a little spreadsheet. We prepared DD by asking her who she would like to go for a sleepover with when her brother was being born, as I would be too busy to get her breakfast and play with her, and managed to get her to see it would be fun to go to a friend's house for a while. She was rather disappointed that she slept through her big night/morning away!

Even though it is a busy time of year, I think you would be less stressed and worried having a back-up that didn't involve your husband having to get back in time to pick the kids up, regardless of how your baby is born. Do you not go to any play groups, or have elder child at school? Generally these kind of places have other pregnant mothers too, who you might strike up a friendship and make a reciprocal deal with.

LandaMc · 02/07/2013 13:39

I understand why you'd think about it, but why would you inflict the trauma of a section on the baby unless you have to? It's the baby's body that triggers labour, when it's ready to be born. I personally think it unfeeling to rip the poor little thing out early when there's nothing wrong with either of you.

If you want your husband with you, you could

hire emergency childcare: have you researched that?
have a homebirth: the NHS aren't supposed to refuse this purely on the grounds that you've had a section before (see home birth websites) but if they do you can hire an independent midwife

Forget the TV, it's not that amazing having husband there, mine saw things I'd much rather he hadn't and my doula was a lot more help than DH!

YABU.

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