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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to strangle DD (16). She insisted she did not want to go to her school Prom until today - the day of the prom!

663 replies

Lionessy · 27/06/2013 14:09

As her circle of friends had decided they did not want to go, she decided she did not want to either. Was not cool apparently Hmm and they did not have a dates (probably because all the boys are scared of them!).

I went ahead a bought her ticket anyway as I hoped she would come to her senses. What teenage girl would'nt want to dress up in a beautiful dress, glam up and go out to a country mansion for a posh dinner and disco with all their school friends huh?

This morning, after leavers assembly at 10.15am, she finally caves in and wants to go Angry. Cue me rushing around all morning like a blue arsed fly getting a spray tan organised, nails, buying the ruddy dress (luckily we hit the jackpot and found a gorgeous one), underwear, jewellery etc.

I am now knackered and want to go back to bed. Luckily DH has the day off (told him to book it off in case she changed her mind) so he can drive her to the venue an hour away. Everyone else of course, is going in a limo. DD will have to arrive in our old jalopy as she told the girls booking transport she was not going! She has just had a tantrum as to why we can't find her a limo at a few hours notice Hmm.

AIBU to want to strangle her?

One of her friends, who also was not going, has also now decided to go so her mum has had to get onto to the school as she was in tears about it, begging them to get her a ticket! Another friend (the ring leader, who decided not to go) was also upset about not when we just bumped into her in town as she now sees that she's made a mistake.

OP posts:
TroublesomeEx · 27/06/2013 15:07

I know the word 'entitlement' is bandied around a lot on here Grin but I do think this stinks of it. As someone else said, how are they supposed to learn about consequences?

By 16 they should be thinking "Hmm I don't know if I want to go, but I'd better not throw my toys out of the pram about it because I might have the choice taken away from me"

imnotmymum · 27/06/2013 15:07

But seriously teens for the most part are brilliant but sometimes just very egocentric and not lack of respect or ungrateful just emotionally thick. It is special type of parenting I agree a lot of smiling

StuntGirl · 27/06/2013 15:08

More fool you.

thebody · 27/06/2013 15:09

Mmmn I was a fantastic mom until I had kids!!

When mine were small I would have sneered at you op and said I would never do that!!

Now my oldest are in 20s and younger dds teens I completely understand you and would have done exactly the same as you.

Still forget the limo and drive them there.

Seriously they get better with age bless them.

thebody · 27/06/2013 15:10

Quick add teens are as mixed up in the head as toddlers!

You do know that right?

Feminine · 27/06/2013 15:11

flowery just you wait...

To be honest, I don't think the DD will even think she is being rude.

I don't think op really thinks its cool her DD was so rude ...but when you get there you will remember this thread :)

Hormones have a lot to answer for, teens are the most insecure group in society IMO. Those big mouths work mainly in defense!

When she looks back on this time in her life I'd imagine she'll be a bit Blush also.

Original poster
Lionessy · 27/06/2013 15:11

I don't know. Maybe it's because I had a abusive childhood or that she's my only daughter (my 2nd girl died at birth). That's why I am a bit soft.

I am still angry though because my DTSs had a school trip today that involved me getting up very early to pack them a load of clothes/towels/swim kit (outdoor activity day) and prepare two lard packups. Then they forget their trainers so we go back and get them so they were late!!

Aaaarrrgggghhhhh. This mothering lark is bloody stressful Grin.

OP posts:
EliotNess · 27/06/2013 15:11

oh you lot saying she is spoilt forget what its like to be an undecided teen

Dominodonkey · 27/06/2013 15:13

"People commenting on tans and all that business clearly have little idea"

or they don't assist their daughters to look like TOWIE extras.

If OP was sure her daughter would change her mind why didn't she have a dress ready (just in case)

I think your daughter sounds spoilt and horrible frankly. She changed her mind on a whim and then expects everyone else to run around after her. I can see why your husband would take the day off if your daughter was attending the prom but can't believe he did it just in case she wanted to go.

Surely you could have clearly told her a few weeks ago that she had to make a final decision like dawndonna did. If your husband is happy to lose a day's pay on the offchance your child would deign to attend the prom you really must have more money than sense.

Despite what some people are saying on this thread I don't think all teenagers are like this. The girls who want to look good normally have it all meticulously planned weeks before.

Original poster
Lionessy · 27/06/2013 15:13

God lard packups. That made me feel a bit queasy. Large packups!

OP posts:
imnotmymum · 27/06/2013 15:13

Bless you Lion and I bet you will cry seeing your big girl all dressed up. You so did the right thing and I am guessing will not be the last thing you will need to do she is your DD and you love her and she loves you

TigOldBitties · 27/06/2013 15:15

My parents would not have been impressed either, but I think they would have tried to help me out. But then we just used to have a leavers ball. I guess prom now is the equivalent of what a 21st birthday used to be.

I understand you need to teach lessons but surely something that's this important to them probably isn't the time. It's a bit like fucking up their birthday. I'd probably have done a bit of umming and aahing to make my DC sweat then I would have gone into action mode. A lot of this not wanting to go sounds like insecurity.

thegreylady · 27/06/2013 15:17

You did absolutely the right thing.I'd have done the same.She will have a night to remember and will never forget that you made it possibe.You are a wonderful mum.Try to put a pic [back view perhaps ] so we can see the dress [nosey emoticon].

mrsjay · 27/06/2013 15:17

id make her trudge in her bloody heels is she normally so demanding you have run around as you said like a blue arse fly and she is still stomping her feet PFFT she can go in the jallopy or walk

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 27/06/2013 15:18

You are a soft touch - for all of them!!

I did this too - last minute change of mind re school ball, but my parents were too busy working to do all that for me, I had to do it myself - though they made some suggestions about where to get a dress etc and did help as much as they could - but neither of them took a day off of work just in case I changed my mind!

I would be livid though, if I had done all that and she was stropping about a limo - she sounds like a spoilt little princess and I'd be knocking that right on the head - only DD or not!

HandMini · 27/06/2013 15:19

assist their daughters to look like TOWIE extras?? Bitchy much?

Being a teenager is a stew of hormonal, stressful, insecure, up and down, fitting in / being individual difficult times. I'm amazed so many posters are giving it a breezy "she said no, so that's it, no going back".

Dominodonkey · 27/06/2013 15:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Feminine · 27/06/2013 15:19

donkey I don't think you need to be so rude, do you?

mrsjay · 27/06/2013 15:19

yes I have teenagers and yes I have had 1 at prom I would not put up with feet stamping though

Lavenderloves · 27/06/2013 15:20

I think your really nice, that's what mums do is it not?

She will be greatful even if she doesn't show it....i remember being 16 :-)

mrsjay · 27/06/2013 15:21

oh you lot saying she is spoilt forget what its like to be an undecided teen

she is acting very spoiled and her mum has done her best for her so she can go and it still isn't good enough for the DD that isnt undecided that is acting like a spoiled princess

stepawayfromthescreen · 27/06/2013 15:21

OP, please ignore the mean comments.
They're probably written by Mums of preschoolers.
They've got it all to come!

Dominodonkey · 27/06/2013 15:22

handmini I work with hundreds of teenage girls every day, unfortunately some of them are the products of parents who have taught them that the world must bow to their every whim.

The spray tan thing is ridiculous at 16 and entirely unnecessary.

TigOldBitties · 27/06/2013 15:23

Yes because only TOWIE people wear tan.

The Middletons, the large majority of those at red carpet type events, brides etc all are just born with naturally bronzed and glowing skin.

Also if your DD wants to look like a TOWIE star, why shouldn't you help her do this. At 16 they pick their own image, and people who think otherwise clearly do have no idea.

thebody · 27/06/2013 15:23

Donkey, totally unnecessary post. You should delete it.

Op yes she's entitled and daft, I also suspect she can be lovely and sensible.

Have a large glass later and remember when she has her teens have a bloody good laugh, my Mom does.

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