Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 26 27

Original poster

to want to strangle DD (16). She insisted she did not want to go to her school Prom until today - the day of the prom!

663 replies

Lionessy · 27/06/2013 14:09

As her circle of friends had decided they did not want to go, she decided she did not want to either. Was not cool apparently and they did not have a dates (probably because all the boys are scared of them!).

I went ahead a bought her ticket anyway as I hoped she would come to her senses. What teenage girl would'nt want to dress up in a beautiful dress, glam up and go out to a country mansion for a posh dinner and disco with all their school friends huh?

This morning, after leavers assembly at 10.15am, she finally caves in and wants to go . Cue me rushing around all morning like a blue arsed fly getting a spray tan organised, nails, buying the ruddy dress (luckily we hit the jackpot and found a gorgeous one), underwear, jewellery etc.

I am now knackered and want to go back to bed. Luckily DH has the day off (told him to book it off in case she changed her mind) so he can drive her to the venue an hour away. Everyone else of course, is going in a limo. DD will have to arrive in our old jalopy as she told the girls booking transport she was not going! She has just had a tantrum as to why we can't find her a limo at a few hours notice .

AIBU to want to strangle her?

One of her friends, who also was not going, has also now decided to go so her mum has had to get onto to the school as she was in tears about it, begging them to get her a ticket! Another friend (the ring leader, who decided not to go) was also upset about not when we just bumped into her in town as she now sees that she's made a mistake.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lionessy · 27/06/2013 14:37

Yes the prom is a very big thing. She does not get the chance to go to a ball everyday!

I am sure she would have felt like shit when she saw all the pics over facebook, instagram whatever and she had not gone.

OP posts:

TimeofChange · 27/06/2013 14:38

O: I do know what teenage girls are like, luckily mine were that age 20 years ago when proms were an American thing done in America & Australia.

I hate limos, spray tans, nail salons.
I hate the fact that they expect parents to pay for all this expensive crap.
Maybe they need a Saturday job and they can save up for all this themselves. They can waste their own money.

flowery · 27/06/2013 14:40

Blimey how times change.

In the DDs position my parents:

-Would not have bought the ticket for me had I been sure I didn't want to go
-In fact wouldn't have bought the ticket at all and I would have been expected to pay for something like that out of my pocket money
-Would certainly not have run round organising outfits, spray tans and nails for me, they would have been working and would not have done so anyway even if they hadn't been. My problem not theirs!
-Would certainly not have taken the day off, how utterly bizarre is that?!
-If they'd kindly offered a lift and my response had been to whinge about their car not being a limo I would have been told in no uncertain terms that I was in that case not going at all, or at most, would have been told that I wasn't getting a lift in the unacceptable car and would have to make my own arrangements.

If this is an example of typical teenager/parent dynamics these days my DC are in for a rude awakening when they get to that age.

Sparklingbrook · 27/06/2013 14:41

I know it's all Americanised and possibly a bit tacky. But it's a leaving do for friends that have spent the last the last 4 or 5 years together. it's a nice thing to be part of and to look back on.

Onesleeptillwembley · 27/06/2013 14:42

No wonder she's so spoiled if you run around after her like that on a whim. You're not actually doing her any favours.

HoneyStepMummy · 27/06/2013 14:43

Both you and your husband sound lovely and deserve some and ! You are doing the right thing, but I don't blame you for wanting to strangle her.
The prom is a very big deal, and it's really a once in a lifetime thing. Kids have so much peer pressure, and the whole thing tends to be a stressful nightmare for everyone involved. Teenagers are a pain in the butt at the best of times, but I've sure she will eventually appreciate all the effort you put in on such short notice. Tell her to get over the lack of a limo...or she is very welcome to call around and find one herself. She'll get over it.
There's some pretty nasty comments on this thread. I imagine those posters have never dealt with a teenage girl or a prom...

CatelynStark · 27/06/2013 14:43

OP, she sounds like a perfectly normal teen to me. I would have done exactly the same apart from the day off work bit.

With my eldest, I INSISTED that she bought a ticket to her prom, even though her closest circle of friends weren't going, because I never had one and I knew that she'd remember the night for the rest of her life.

She had a fantastic time. Loved it. Despite the initial rows!

No limos here though - I drove her. Tough turtles :)

I care not a jot if anyone thinks its helicopter parenting. They're 16 - still so young.

I hope your girl has a wonderful time!

insanityscratching · 27/06/2013 14:46

flowery it's definitely not teenager/parent dynamics here. My lot would have had the same response as you would have had as a teen. No tantrums here thank God probably because they worked out at age two they were pointless where I'm concerned.

samandi · 27/06/2013 14:46

How ridiculous. I'm not sure why you bought the ticket in the first place, let alone organised her a spray tan and nails, and as for buying new underwear ...

raffle · 27/06/2013 14:47

You obviously know her inside out. She said she didn't want to attend, yet you purchased a ticket anyway and DH used a days Annual Leave just in case.

Lucky for her you know her so well.

jennycoast · 27/06/2013 14:47

FWIW I think that her admitting she really wanted to go would have been a pretty big deal for her. I hope she has an absolutely brilliant time.

samandi · 27/06/2013 14:48

There's some pretty nasty comments on this thread. I imagine those posters have never dealt with a teenage girl or a prom...

I'd imagine that most of us have BEEN teenage girls at some point ...

LifeofPo · 27/06/2013 14:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jacks365 · 27/06/2013 14:48

Some parents are in for a shock when they have teens. I never had this issue because mine always wanted to go. One had fake tan the other two didn't. To those thinking this is just a school disco you are far from the mark, ours is a sit down meal and no last minute tickets as the hotel would have finalised the catering. I can fully understand you doing what you've done and long term she will appreciate it but yes right now I'd feel like strangling her too.

Original poster

Lionessy · 27/06/2013 14:50

Er the underwear was a strapless bra as the dress has spaghetti straps and some control pants to pull her belly in to make her feel a bit more secure NOT pulling pants .

OP posts:

mumofthemonsters808 · 27/06/2013 14:50

I would have done exactly the same as the poster through gritted teeth. My own parents would never have done this for me in a million years and I would not have expected them to.

Glad everything worked out and I hope she enjoys her evening.

shallweshop · 27/06/2013 14:50

I think she will remember what you have done for her today and realise how lucky she is. I think I would have done the same as you. I hope she has a magical time.

Feminine · 27/06/2013 14:52

YANBU op

Its too easy to say that the DD is being spoiled etc...that is way too harsh.

This is what happens with a teen. It is a special type of parenting. that we have to use.

I'd be annoyed too , what a hassle

RightsaidFreud · 27/06/2013 14:52

Don't you have to have a spray tan at least 24 hours before the event because you continue to 'develop' the colour after you've had it done? I think you sound like a lovely mom doing all that for your daughter, i just hope she appreciates it.

BeKindToYourKnees · 27/06/2013 14:54

HandMini · 27/06/2013 14:55

Well done OP, I was insecure as a teenager and it would have been typical of me to refuse an event out of shyness/bloody mindedness and then wished I could go.

You must have known there would be this last minute hooha when you bought the ticket though, so I would just suck it up as she flounces around being both very excited and perhaps a bit nervous!

Tell her to belt up about the car though....or mention the rusty bike in the shed that she's more than welcome to if DH's car isn't limo-like enough.

TigOldBitties · 27/06/2013 14:56

Well done you. I have teens so well done for seeing through it and getting a ticket. She will remember you did this and be grateful. Plus you know you would never have heard the end of it if you hadn't pulled it off. You're a lovely mum

People commenting on tans and all that business clearly have little idea. You've done well considering you've obviously got a load of other stuff on your plate. Try and grit your teeth, don't spoil today when you've worked so hard for her to have a good time.

I would however be making her repay you some how. Not tomorrow as I imagine she will be hungover/knackered. But perhaps she can do something like give you a day over over the weekend and do childcare, dinner and house stuff or babysit so you and DH can have a decent night out some time in the near future.

For now just get her out the door and crack open the

Dawndonna · 27/06/2013 14:59

I have one dd like this. I told her she had to make a decision by last Thursday, two weeks before. If she didn't make the decision by then, she wouldn't be going, and that was that. Guess what, she's going. This left me with two weeks to help her sort out a dress etc. And no, if she had left it and changed her mind, this week or next, she wouldn't be going.
How on earth do children learn about consequences these days.

TroublesomeEx · 27/06/2013 15:03

Actually, I would have just said 'tough' you didn't want to go. There's no way I'd do all that.

I didn't want to go to my school Prom. I knew I didn't want to go; I said I didn't want to go; I had no intention of going and then on the day of the Prom I still didn't want to go. That was 20 years ago and I've never in my entire life wished I'd gone to that prom!

But if there's one thing I'm absolutely certain of, it's that if I had changed my mind on the day itself, there is absolutely no way I'd have been allowed to go. Tantrum or not!

flowery · 27/06/2013 15:05

"This is what happens with a teen. It is a special type of parenting. that we have to use."

I realise I don't have teenagers yet. And quite possibly I will get a nasty shock when I do. But I do not accept that all teens treat their parents with such ungratefulness and lack of respect and can also guarantee that my response in the face of that behaviour will absolutely not mirror the OPs.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 26 27

Swipe left for the next trending thread