to want to strangle DD (16). She insisted she did not want to go to her school Prom until today - the day of the prom!

[Lionessy]

As her circle of friends had decided they did not want to go, she decided she did not want to either. Was not cool apparently and they did not have a dates (probably because all the boys are scared of them!).

I went ahead a bought her ticket anyway as I hoped she would come to her senses. What teenage girl would'nt want to dress up in a beautiful dress, glam up and go out to a country mansion for a posh dinner and disco with all their school friends huh?

This morning, after leavers assembly at 10.15am, she finally caves in and wants to go . Cue me rushing around all morning like a blue arsed fly getting a spray tan organised, nails, buying the ruddy dress (luckily we hit the jackpot and found a gorgeous one), underwear, jewellery etc.

I am now knackered and want to go back to bed. Luckily DH has the day off (told him to book it off in case she changed her mind) so he can drive her to the venue an hour away. Everyone else of course, is going in a limo. DD will have to arrive in our old jalopy as she told the girls booking transport she was not going! She has just had a tantrum as to why we can't find her a limo at a few hours notice .

AIBU to want to strangle her?

One of her friends, who also was not going, has also now decided to go so her mum has had to get onto to the school as she was in tears about it, begging them to get her a ticket! Another friend (the ring leader, who decided not to go) was also upset about not when we just bumped into her in town as she now sees that she's made a mistake.

valiumredhead, I answered that question about a day ago on here.

cory. Perhaps her daughter doesnt know her own mind very well right now.
And sometimes, the mother does seem to know her daughter better than the daughter herself. No crime in that though, is there?

Agreed that a parent can take over from a DD to a certain extent.
And again, as I said, about 2 days ago in this case,Lionessy does need to have some chats with her DD imo.

Yam- I missed it

no problem

Have scrolled back on my phone so much I've given myself RSI, and still can't find your post.

yamsareyammy Sat 29-Jun-13 14:41:46
"valiumredhead, I answered that question about a day ago on here.

cory. Perhaps her daughter doesnt know her own mind very well right now.
And sometimes, the mother does seem to know her daughter better than the daughter herself. No crime in that though, is there?"

No crime, but a gap in her skills set that she can't just let slip. Very shortly the daughter will be of age and will have to make her own decisions.

To me, this is like any other necessary life skill (dressing yourself, tying your shoelaces, reading and writing): once your child has got beyond a certain age and you realise they are a late developer, you don't practise less, you practise more! And as a parent you try to think of situations in everyday life that are specifically good for developing whatever skill is lacking.

My own 16yo suffers badly with anxiety in unknown situations. Ideally, she would like to sit down and let me rescue her every time. But
adulthood is just round the corner and she needs coping skills to deal with it. So I work harder with her than I normally would on overcoming her anxiety and helping her develop strategies for coping that don't just rely on me rushing to the rescue. Otherwise she will not cope with Higher Education or a job. It wouldn't perhaps be a crime if I failed to do this. But she would miss out.

cory, I totally agree with all that post

valiumredhead, my post Thurs 17.42pm

Yanbu to want to strangle her. But sound like a fab mum for knowing she would want to go after all and irganising it all for her. Hope she has a fab time and is grateful!

cory my DD also suffers from general/social anxiety. She is OK with her small group of friends but anyone outside of that she blanks, then hates herself for not being able to talk to people/being rude. If a friend does not talk to her or she feels left out, she immediately gets herself wound up about it. If her friends are doing stuff with other people or family she will not join them and will sit in at home bored shitless.

I am trying to remedy that by subtle encouragement and forcing trying to get her to do stuff on her own. The prom was one of those occasions and the 3 week (National Citizen Service) course is another. I am not trying to interfere or make decisions for her. I am trying to get her out into the world as I know from bitter experience, that sitting at home being afraid of people does not get you anywhere.

I also did not 'get off' on her going . Unless you count wanting her to enjoy herself and being happy that she did.

But a spray tan and a limo? Is that what it takes these days to overcome social anxiety?

Lets hope that the prom helped Lionessy.

Lionessy, Having just done the whole prom thing for my DD (and DS), I think you have been a wonderful mother. My prom experiences have been stressful, exasperating, frustrating, expensive, etc... but I wouldn't change any of it. She is my DD and is finding her way in the world.

Having confidence at this age is so difficult and even although my DD would look good in a bin bag, she still has the same anxieties as any other girls. The peer pressure is huge and it takes a lot of courage to navigate the prom and the bitching that goes with it.

Like me, you have gone out of your comfort zone in terms of parenting and perhaps spent money on/done things you wouldn't normally allow. However, you know your child better than anyone and if you have enabled her confidence to grow a little, its a small price to pay.

Parenting is about making choices and preparing your DCs for the world. Good on you for knowing your DD so well and having the guts to let her change her mind.

Well, Lionessy, you have to admit that the phrase "You know, I do know my DD and I know she says a lot of crap that she does'nt mean. That's does'nt mean I take her at her word." doesn't immediately bring to mind a person who is working as hard as possible to school their daughter in the concept of adult responsibility in the short time remaining before they will have to take full responsibility for their decisions.

Remember, we only know you from what you tell us about yourself. We can't possibly know if this gives an accurate picture or not, we can only go by words on a screen.

You know what. We all say things we don't mean sometimes. But most if us have to tidy that mess up on our own. Not have a mum to run round sorting it out and letting us be rude. Just a thought.