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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to strangle DD (16). She insisted she did not want to go to her school Prom until today - the day of the prom!

663 replies

Lionessy · 27/06/2013 14:09

As her circle of friends had decided they did not want to go, she decided she did not want to either. Was not cool apparently Hmm and they did not have a dates (probably because all the boys are scared of them!).

I went ahead a bought her ticket anyway as I hoped she would come to her senses. What teenage girl would'nt want to dress up in a beautiful dress, glam up and go out to a country mansion for a posh dinner and disco with all their school friends huh?

This morning, after leavers assembly at 10.15am, she finally caves in and wants to go Angry. Cue me rushing around all morning like a blue arsed fly getting a spray tan organised, nails, buying the ruddy dress (luckily we hit the jackpot and found a gorgeous one), underwear, jewellery etc.

I am now knackered and want to go back to bed. Luckily DH has the day off (told him to book it off in case she changed her mind) so he can drive her to the venue an hour away. Everyone else of course, is going in a limo. DD will have to arrive in our old jalopy as she told the girls booking transport she was not going! She has just had a tantrum as to why we can't find her a limo at a few hours notice Hmm.

AIBU to want to strangle her?

One of her friends, who also was not going, has also now decided to go so her mum has had to get onto to the school as she was in tears about it, begging them to get her a ticket! Another friend (the ring leader, who decided not to go) was also upset about not when we just bumped into her in town as she now sees that she's made a mistake.

OP posts:
Cravey · 27/06/2013 22:30

I never said I wouldn't do it. I said I didn't know. How on earth someone can say they think I would is beyond me. As I said my dec were and still are pretty black and white. I know one thing though for sure. Neither of my children would have had a strop as the op dd did. It seems that the census here is oh yes it's ok op is a fab mum and dd can do what she wants when she wants. As the op says if she wants to spoil her daughter she will do. Good for her I say. But don't ask what others think and expect everyone to respond the same way.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 27/06/2013 22:31

I have a 16 year old and I would have done just what OP did.

Deffodil · 27/06/2013 22:33

Precious dd will only realise that her parents knocked themselves out for her when she has children of her own.

Original poster
Lionessy · 27/06/2013 22:33

Cravey my OP was all about letting off some steam and I did want to strangle her at that point or at least slap her hard but I restrained myself by posting the OP!

She had a strop but did not get what she wanted. She can strop all she likes and if it is unreasonable as the limo was, then the strop comes to nothing. Good lesson?

OP posts:
Cravey · 27/06/2013 22:36

You know what op. You did a good job of getting it sorted. I am not in anyway denying you that. Just stating my opinion. Which you asked for. One wonders if the only reason she didn't get the limo was because there wasnt one available ??? Can I also ask what you would have done if she had chosen not to go.

Original poster
Lionessy · 27/06/2013 22:37

I like to think that she strops because she feels comfortable and safe doing so with her parents. She did not smash anything, just stamped her feet Grin a bit and said it was 'unfair'. We should have named her 'Kevina'.

I never stropped as a teen. I was like a bloody mouse. You can guess the reason why.

OP posts:
Cravey · 27/06/2013 22:41

That's a positive attitude to have. My children were very comfy around me and dh. They didn't strop though. Maybe I did something wrong ???

Original poster
Lionessy · 27/06/2013 22:41

Cravey. I did not entertain getting a limo. She would have needed a few people to share it and pay into the 'limo' pot. Everyone else had already arranged transport and they could'nt fit her in (we did check that).

If she had chosen not to go then she would'nt have gone. No money would have been spent out (apart from ticket) so we would have saved and it would have been her loss. I would have got her to sign a declaration though that it was HER choice not to go so she did'nt try to blame me years later Grin.

OP posts:
yamsareyammy · 27/06/2013 22:43

Glad your DD was happy, and that you made her happy.

yamsareyammy · 27/06/2013 22:45

limos normally have to be booked months if not nearly a year in advance.

EugenesAxe · 27/06/2013 22:45

I apologise; I didn't read all the thread so if you made the nature of the underwear clear in later posts I didn't have that info. It sounded as if you'd bought her an upgrade on something she already owned, not something that was necessary for the aesthetics of the dress.

boschy · 27/06/2013 22:45

I read the first couple of pages, and the last... I think OP sounds like a lovely mum! the DD is 16, prom is quite special, end of Y11 and all that.

my DD is going to prom tomorrow night; we spent the day buying a strapless bra and arguing about which evening bag to buy.

hope she has a wonderful time OP!

HomageToCannelloni · 27/06/2013 22:49

'Sometimes a good lesson can be that she can make mistakes but she has someone she can rely on to help her through it. As a parent I will do that no matter how old she is. I don't have any contact with my family (toxic) and have really needed them on occasion but they were not there for me. My DC are never going to feel like that and if that makes them spoilt then so be it '

This sentiment I can totally get. If you have had hard parents you do tend to do one of two things. 1) repeat the same patterns as your parents did, 2) compensate for it and do the opposite. It goes a long way to helping me understand why you would indulge your dd and want to 'make it right' for her.

Regardless of whether my actions will or will not be the same as yours if and when the time comes Lionessy, I'm sure your dd will have an amazing prom, and if that makes her and you happy then that's all that matters in the end. :)

Original poster
Lionessy · 27/06/2013 22:49

No Cravey maybe your DC are just different to my DD. I have often questioned my parenting because of my upbringing and am coming to the conclusion that just because some people's children are 'well behaved', it does not mean they are better parents. Sometimes it is luck.

I have same sex twins - one highly academic, holds doors open for strangers/helps old ladies and small children, resourceful and a deep thinker. The other SEN for learning disabilities, lots of minor trouble at school, hyperactive but lots of positives too. Both treated EXACTLY the same. So I have direct experience of this!

OP posts:
AllYoursBabooshka · 27/06/2013 22:51

The limo strop isn't really the big deal people are trying to make it out to be though, is it?

The kid got stressed out and got a bit annoyed, her parents chose to let it go. That happens when you're an adult too.

It's alright to let stuff go sometimes, it won't transform them into Paris Hilton spoiled, unreasonable adults overnight because you don't acknowledge one bit of bad behaviour.

yamsareyammy · 27/06/2013 22:55

Quite agree AllYoursBabooshka.
The op had to massively pick up the pieces on this one.
Plenty of time for chats in the coming days about certain things.

garlicnutty · 27/06/2013 23:04

... Can I just ask, Lionessy, if it really is too late for the friend to sign up for the activity thing? While you're being an encouraging adult and all that ...

Cravey · 27/06/2013 23:06

Maybe lion maybe. I too have same sex twins both massively different. I hope she has a fab prom. Do pull her though about getting you running ragged. I also hopes she appreciates you. Full marks for being a top mum.

thebody · 27/06/2013 23:11

Last post,,, well done op.

Startail · 28/06/2013 00:25

Just one reminder, Y11 have just finished their GCSEs if they are feeling stressed, dizzy and silly it's not surprising.

Startail · 28/06/2013 00:29

And yes yes to stropping because home is the one safe place to do it. DD2 is an angel at school and a champion stropper at home.

sashh · 28/06/2013 00:51

You are very kind to have bought her a ticket in case she changed her mind and then to rush around to get her ready. I hope she remembers how patient and accommodating you've been!

What ever version of mumsnet exists in 20 years and someone asks "Did you have supportive parents as a teenager" she will have a tale to tell.

madaki · 28/06/2013 01:22

This may have already been covered but how did she get a spray tan for the same day? When I've had them done, I needed to leave it overnight for the colour to come out?

Sorry- not the point of the thread but if you can get same day one now, that is really handy.

Oh, and I think what you did was lovely and whilst the strop probably wasn't her finest moment, she was probably stressing about arriving alone.

Idocrazythings · 28/06/2013 01:26

I think it was lovely too and she will remember it for the rest of her life. Not the materialism of the ball; but what you did for her. I know as a teenager my mum would have done that for me, (she didn't need to, but she would have) and it's a nice feeling.

I really think as parents it's our job to be in our kids corner;, after all not many people in this life are.

Original poster
Lionessy · 28/06/2013 02:19

Well DD had a great time.

But the 'after party' well......

DD's friends dad was supposed to be picking them up when it finishes at 3am. Only this friend was the one who was vehement she was not going to prom but was going to the party when they all got back. DD was supposed to staying over at hers. Seems she was so upset that she did'nt go to prom that she left the after party at 1am before most of the prom goers, including DD, got there.

Prom finished at 12 and was an hours drive away (who the hell came up with that idea Hmm) but the M25 had roadworks so we got back at 1.30am (DH working tomorrow so I went)! DD does not have a lift home so muggins here will be up until gone 3am! With a school run to do in the morning and another DTSs activity day's pack ups and clothes to sort out (a 2 day course)!!

Thank god DS3 is at nursery tomorrow so I can go straight back to bed.

A definite once in a lifetime experience for DD. She better not start going clubbing until she's 25 and long left home!

OP posts: