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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say don't let your young child go to the toilet alone

325 replies

1Veryhungrycaterpillar · 24/06/2013 13:36

Today in a fast food restaurant I saw a lady with a child of around 3/4 who wanted to go to the toilets that were situated upstairs she said she didn't want to go (she had no other kids) with her and let him go alone, am I BU to say I wanted to shake some sense into her?? I suppose I'm more aware of it as I've seen cases of assault on young children in public toilets through my line of work but I would've thought most people wouldn't do it, I am ready to be corrected!

OP posts:
amazingmumof6 · 25/06/2013 13:00

cory your post about bunsen burners etc - spot on post, that is DS1 exactly
head-in-clouds, science/engineering enthusiast, he is a bit of a Sheldon Cooper.

thanks

5madthings · 25/06/2013 13:02

Yes mine have washed up but doneit so badly it needs re doing...so they re do it! Means next time they get it done properly the first attempt!

cory · 25/06/2013 13:02

amazingmumof6 Tue 25-Jun-13 12:55:09
"cory I find that really interesting that our motivations are so different.

you have to make sure you DD can fend for herself, and you put a lot of effort into into it, obviously and understandably.

I just expect them to be able to be ok, because they don't have any SN, so why shouldn't they? but maybe I'm wrong. I have to think about this."

Not just about my dd. Also because I am a university lecturer and I hear some horror tales about unprepared youngsters. University towns are dangerous places. You need a well developed radar.

I also see how difficult it is to cope with university life when you are not used to making your own decisions. Not just students making horrendously bad ones, but students whose attention is constantly distracted by worrying about everyday life. It affects their marks.

amazingmumof6 · 25/06/2013 13:10

hepsibar and 5mad - x post!

I totally agree, I do not do everything for them - ha!

but yes the going out on their own was probably an oversight - simply because it never occurred to any of us for them to do it!

we have a pool close by, so I'm thinking next week we could start building it up to letting the eldest 3 to go by themselves. (they are 12 and 10 next month and 8.5) I mean what would be a good first step? t
walk the there, explain things, then agree on a time when they have to leave and let them come home on their own?
or just let them be in the pool own their own, pick them up and the above would be step 2?

I'll discuss with D/h and kids what's the best way to proceed.

sorry for totally hijacking thread.

I'll post a link in a minute, so we can carry on about me me me.

sorry OP! YANBU!

5madthings · 25/06/2013 13:13

I think that would be a great first step, they are allowed swimming from age right here without an adult, providing they can swim of course!

How far away is the pool? If close let them walk, you can do a trial run, just get the to walk there ams back and find out prices/times? Then they know how much money to talk etc. You probably know anyway but it helps prepare them :)

amazingmumof6 · 25/06/2013 13:16

I need advice

amazingmumof6 · 25/06/2013 13:18

cory that wasn't a dig btw!

I appreciate your views.

thanks 5mad

I'll be off this thread now because it really isn't fair to OP.

thanks you all I know you just want to help.

amazingmumof6 · 25/06/2013 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
1Veryhungrycaterpillar · 25/06/2013 14:14

That's fine Amazing I've been a thread neglecter today!

OP posts:
HepsibarCrinkletoes · 25/06/2013 14:18

I agree with 5madthings that that will be a great first step. I grew up all over the place (forces brat) but when we first lived in Germany I was allowed, age 8/9, to cycle to the pool and have fun all afternoon. So that's what we all did.

My older 3 used to hop on the bus when they were 8, 10 & 11 and go swimming. They all learnt to swim before they started school and had a blast on rainy days. In the summer hols they often went off to the Common to play with their chums.

All of my older three can cook decent enough meals and I shit you not when I tell you that DD3 (4.4) is more able in the kitchen than 3 of the people DD1 has just shared her first year uni digs with in Bristol. I actually find that really sad, as does DD1 who has basically taught them to cook. At 18/19 - this is something that they should have been taught.

PS - 5Mad, you do know me btw - I made cake pops for your running prize Grin

Fakebook · 25/06/2013 14:36

Actually, fakebook- I would be genuinely worried about a 12 year old who couldn't go to a local shop and do simple shopping. And no, I don't lead a sheltered life!

Well you carry on worrying away then! It's absolutely amazing how some people can't accept or grasp the fact that some children mature less rapidly than others and have less confidence to do things alone.

imnotmymum · 25/06/2013 15:03

Do you know fakebook you are right. I initially thought at 12 should be able to blah blah but thinking about some of my DD friends then no I would not be comfortable with them doing some things.

Sallystyle · 25/06/2013 16:12

The reason my children have enough confidence to go to the shops is because they have had to get used to it.

They never started off that way. Especially my 12 year old with SN who is immature for his age.

Sure, all children mature differently, but the majority of 12 year olds really should be able to manage the shops alone, if not I would personally be worried.. but that comes from me who was never pushed out of my comfort zone and found going to the shops a massive deal as a late teen because I never got the chance to do it when younger and had huge confidence issues.

curlew · 25/06/2013 16:14

Time to start working on that, loutwenty

Sallystyle · 25/06/2013 16:14

My dd is 16 and is disabled, with anxiety issues. Independence is much harder for her than it is for her peers. But she will leave Sixth Form at the same age 18 as everybody else and have to make her own way in the world; I can't stop her whether I think she is ready or not. So my job is to make sure she is ready. Even if that does mean some pushing.

I understand that Cory. Which is why I push my 12 year old too.

curlew · 25/06/2013 16:45

"Actually, fakebook- I would be genuinely worried about a 12 year old who couldn't go to a local shop and do simple shopping. And no, I don't lead a sheltered life!

Well you carry on worrying away then! It's absolutely amazing how some people can't accept or grasp the fact that some children mature less rapidly than others and have less confidence to do things alone."

I absolutely accept that some children mature less rapidly than others. That's why I'm not saying "but I would expect a 7 year old to go and do simple shopping at a local shop", even though I actually do expect that of mine. But 12? That is cause for concern.

OrmirianResurgam · 25/06/2013 16:48

Quite agree OP. They frequently pee on the seat! Tsk

Original poster
1Veryhungrycaterpillar · 25/06/2013 17:54

Wouldn't fancy visiting the loo after a unmanned 3 year old had been!

OP posts:
5madthings · 25/06/2013 18:00

Ah hepsibar have you name changed? Those cake pops were yummy and your dd was lovely. I was also a forces brat and at 7-9yrs we were stationed in Cyprus, I was a long distance swimmer and LIVED at the beach or the pool. Cycled everywhere etc. I had soo much more freedom as we lived on a forces base, mine couldn't have quite as much but they do get plenty at an age appropriate level.

EmmelineGoulden · 25/06/2013 18:06

3 year olds can be bad, but to be fair the worst toilet seats I've ever seen have been in adult only establishments.

Original poster
1Veryhungrycaterpillar · 25/06/2013 18:08

Very true Emmeline

OP posts:
HepsibarCrinkletoes · 25/06/2013 19:33

5mad, yep I have. We missed out on Cyprus, but I had lots of friends who lived there, so did have some holidays there, flying out on the military flights from Brize Norton. Fun times.

5madthings · 25/06/2013 19:38

My sister split her head open at brize Norton, by running into a fish tank... It was just as they were opening the bar...the duty medic was the barman who had to close the bar to come and glue my sisters head back together, lots of very annoyed squaddies! It took awhile as well as she was only three and had a hissy fit and they couldn't keep her still.

motherinferior · 25/06/2013 19:54

I'm sorry, but if my 12 year old were incapable of going to the shop and doing a bit of basic shopping I'd be really quite concerned. She goes to school every day on the bus, ffs!

curlew · 25/06/2013 20:07

Motherinferior, you are obviously either obtuse or have led a shelterd life, then. Grin

I am still wondering exactly what level of maturity fakebook et al deem necessary for a trip to the local shop with some money and a list....... I am resisting the temptation to say that surely the average 6 year old could do it if there were no roads to cross.....