To say don't let your young child go to the toilet alone

[1Veryhungrycaterpillar]

Today in a fast food restaurant I saw a lady with a child of around 3/4 who wanted to go to the toilets that were situated upstairs she said she didn't want to go (she had no other kids) with her and let him go alone, am I BU to say I wanted to shake some sense into her?? I suppose I'm more aware of it as I've seen cases of assault on young children in public toilets through my line of work but I would've thought most people wouldn't do it, I am ready to be corrected!

[LazyMonkeyButler]

No, YANBU. I still don't like DS2 being inside a public loo for more than a few minutes, unless DH or DS1 are also there. He is 12. Of course, he does go on his own, but TBH, I'd prefer it if he could wait until we got home. There have been several "older" boys sexually assaulted in toilets over the years.

Obviously, if I still feel like this about a 12 year old - there is no way I would be letting a small child go in on their own!

[Piffpaffpoff]

I know the case Wanda is referring to and it's had a bearing on my actions. 6yo DS gets to go to the gents on his own occasionally if I can see the door and shout 'ok?' through it if he's more than a minute or two. Generally though he still comes in the ladies with me and 4yo DD. I'm happy to carry on like this for now.

[1Veryhungrycaterpillar]

The children in the cases that I have been involved in were under 9 but I all these cases as with the Mother in BK today the parent was not outside the toilet they were on another floor and even waiting outside the restaurant in one case, I think she was being lazy IMO

[Feminine]

curlew

It is a very real problem. Don't mock.

[curlew]

"A very real problem"

Really?

[Floggingmolly]

She was. Horrifically lazy, IMO.

[Remotecontrolduck]

I wouldn't accompany a child to the loo after about 7 years old unless we were in a SERIOUSLY dodgy area.

Bad things can happen, but they can happen at any age. 14,15,18,21... you need to draw the line and just accept there is an element of risk going alone anywhere, at any age. It isn't negligent parenting if your child was to get attacked in a toilet, it is entirely the fault of the attacker. You cannot reasonably expect by letting your child go to the toilet, there will be a paedo in there. 3 is a bit young though, I'll give you that.

[BlueSkySunnyDay]

My 10 year old wanted to go in the loo in Sainsburys on Saturday, I asked his Dad to stand outside as there have been a few cases of boys being assaulted in supermarket toilets haven't there?

In my opinion the woman the op was talking about was negligent/lazy. Yeah i'd have my judgey pants on big time.

My youngest can pee for England so it was a pain in the butt that he had to visit every public toilet numerous times but still worth being cautious.

[1Veryhungrycaterpillar]

I don't think it is hugely likely to happen that much but that's no comfort to the children it does happen to

[mummytime]

I think you have a particular sensitivity to such issues because of your work.

However personally I don't think she was wrong not to accompany her child because their might be child molesters around. I honestly don't think that is that major an issue (sorry to disagree with you).

But I do think she was unreasonable because: their could be a heavy door that the child couldn't open, the child could get lost/use the wrong door (broom cupboard?), nevermind make a mess.

But also how do you know the child was only 3/4 not just small for age? Maybe the mother had a health condition?

Or did you just post here to frighten parents?

[SoftlySoftly]

Ok my 3yr old takes herself off around the playplace and to the loo alone while I watch the baby. Now feel that's a massive risk??

But how the hell a I supposed to chase her around? !

Wouldn't do it in burger king wouldn't be in bk.

[arethereanyleftatall]

I would let my 4.5 year old go if I could see the door. I have a 2 year old too, so wouldn't see the need to drag her there too, when my eldest is perfectly capable.

[1Veryhungrycaterpillar]

It wont help the victim or their parents knowing that the paedo was in the wrong, isn't that a given?

[HeadFairy]

I only let nearly 6 year old ds go to the loo on his own if I can see the door. I would also call round to him if he took more than a couple of minutes.

DD is 3 and I would never let her go on her own (apart from anything she'd end up getting wee all over her knickers and would definitely not wash her hands)

[1Veryhungrycaterpillar]

I have taken my baby and young child to the toilet with me as many times as necessary softly, yes you should, that's your job! I do however apologise for being in BK though!

[1Veryhungrycaterpillar]

This was definitely a 3/4 year old, hopefully they'd be in school otherwise, maybe some people need to be scared? This lady didn't even wait outside FFS

[AnAirOfHope]

I have never thought about this before but we always go with 4 yo to the loo when out.

But I have let him go on his own in the swimming baths as im normally with his younger sister and he goes in the womens toilet on his own, but he must tell me he is going and if not out in three minutes I will take dd and go in to find him. He has to go to the toilet on his own in school so he has to learn.

[Remotecontrolduck]

Yes but you can't follow them round everywhere forever incase something bad happens to them unfortunately. I wouldn't say it was negligent to allow a child to go to the toilet alone. A toilet isn't the only place they could be sexually assualted either.

These events are extremely rare.

[TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong]

Do you allow their granddad or nice Uncle Bob anywhere near them?

I do hope not, as statistically both of them are about 10 times more likely to abuse your children than some random in a MaccyD's bog.

[curlew]

Has there been a reported case of a 3 year old being assaulted in a public loo?

[TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong]

(I do still take dd to the loo, but only if it's one that's out of sight, and not because of the big bogeyman hiding in there, but in case she can't find her way back)

[xylem8]

I let all my DC go to the toilet on their own in restaurants at 4.A 14 yo boy was raped in the toilets of a shopping mall so are you going to accompany them when they are teenagers.If you worried about every possible minute risk you would never do anything.

[cory]

LazeyMonkey, how do you manage the rest of your 12yos life if you would prefer him to hang and not go to the loo until you get home? What about walks to and from school, visits to the cinema, shopping expeditions, hanging out with other boys? Or do assaults only happen in lavatories? (Please don't tell me that you never let your 12yo out unsupervised)

fwiw yes I would accompany a 3-4 yo; they are too little for any self preservation and also tend to make a mess.

But a 12yo

[SoftlySoftly]

In general public I always take baby and toddler together, what I was asking was does this extend to child friendly areas like softplay?

I can't lug baby up to the top of a climbing frame and down a drop slide as fast as a 3yr old can scamper so tend to be in babypit while 3rd old is in larger area.

She then takes herself off for a wee (generally tells me for poo).