To say don't let your young child go to the toilet alone

[1Veryhungrycaterpillar]

Today in a fast food restaurant I saw a lady with a child of around 3/4 who wanted to go to the toilets that were situated upstairs she said she didn't want to go (she had no other kids) with her and let him go alone, am I BU to say I wanted to shake some sense into her?? I suppose I'm more aware of it as I've seen cases of assault on young children in public toilets through my line of work but I would've thought most people wouldn't do it, I am ready to be corrected!

[motherinferior]

I just asked the 10 (birthday yesterday) year old and she said disconcertingly that she would be a bit nervous BUT we live just by some really grim London roads. Her 12 year old sister scoffed at her.

[pinkballetflats]

Curlew - was that tongue in cheek? While Imo with you that on average Id guess most 10-12 year olds are ready to pop down the corner shop at least Id say six is severely pushing it.

[curlew]

Really? Why? If there are no roads to cross? When I sat local shop I obviously mean a shop the child has been going to all its life. And also obviously not next door to a brothel or a crack den.......

[mrsjay]

DO people really not let their 12 yr olds go anywhere on their own but they are at high school and everything

[1Veryhungrycaterpillar]

I don't have a 12 year old, wouldn't let me nearly 6 year old go to the shops lone as we live on a really busy main road but this has made me think what I would do if there were no roads to cross, food for thought

[BlueSkySunnyDay]

My 12 year old catches the bus into town to go "shopping" with his friends. I am a nervous wreck until he's home (particularly as some of his friends are not the sharpest pencils in the box)

Sooner or later you HAVE to let go or they will never fend for themselves - I refuse to raise yet another generation of female dependant men!

[1Veryhungrycaterpillar]

Bless him, I'm sure I went out alone when I was 12 was accompanied everywhere at 3 though

[curlew]

Absolutely accompanied at 3. Less at 6. Still less at 9. And able to do practically everything independently at 12.

[working9while5]

I wouldn't let my kid go into a loo alone at 3/4 but I don't really think it is a huge huge risk either and to an extent I really find this observation of other people's parenting really strange in this culture. No one has a clue what's behind that decision, whether it's a momentary lapse or whether that mother just has a horrendous amount on and isn't really psychologically present (whatever the reason), whether she's lazy, whether she's naïve, whether she couldn't give a shit what happens to him.

Why do we feel the need to tell these stories about strangers in shops and discuss their decisions when we really don't know the first thing about them? What's that about?

[1Veryhungrycaterpillar]

I've got a lot of decisions to come, Hate living on such a busy road though

[louee93]

At my place of work there was an incident where a man was on his hands and knees trying to look under the cubicle when a child was in. He came in another day and the police were called. Plus the amount of times ive had to chuck men out the female toilets. Could be an honest mistake but you never know

[1Veryhungrycaterpillar]

I don't know working9while5, human nature I guess can't speak for other cultures though. It bothered me and I wondered if it would bother anyone else or if I was BU, the point of this forum surely?

[BegoniaBampot]

I think more assault goes on than some are admitting. My mum and her friend were molested in a public loo (luckily my mum escaped but not her friend), mum also said when they went to the cinema as kids with their friends men used to sit with them to wanknoff and hopefully get some of thenkids to do it for some sweets, someone very close was raped when she was 10 by two boys/men on her way home from school, I had an old man feel me up sitting beside me when I was a teenager, sisiter has had similar. There are a lot of opportunists out there. Probably not so many stories about three yr olds getting assaulted as they don't usually go to the loo on their own. I don't live my life in fear, I give my kids some freedoms but loos have always made me nervous, thought it was common knowledge that predators often hang out there.

[BegoniaBampot]

And you wouldn't necessarily see lots of stories in the papers, none of the ones I mentioned were ever reported to the police.

[motherinferior]

Oh yes, I was massively groped and felt up as a kid, but not in public loos.

[kelda]

I had to 'rescue' two very small children who had gone to the toilets themselves - they had managed to lock themselves in and started screaming and crying. I unlocked the door with a penknife (ex girl guide). They must have been about 2 or 3. I took them both back to their parents who were in the cafe, but the parents were very nonchalent about it.

[nappyaddict]

I let my DS go to the toilet by himself and have done since he was 6.

[tass1960]

I definitely would not allow a small child to go to a public toilet unaccompanied. My 7 year old son was "touched inappropriately" by a man when my OH allowed him to go to the toilet himself at the swimming pool while he stayed in the pool with our youngest. OH was a police officer (now retired) and it never occurred to him to do otherwise. We got off lightly I think and my blood runs cold at the thought of how much worse it might have been.

[1Veryhungrycaterpillar]

That's awful Tass

[curlew]

That must have been horrible, Tass. But it was an awful one off.

A man flashed at me on a train when I was about 10- it wasn't pleasant, but it doesn't mean I don't allow my children to go on trains.

Honestly, we really need to get our attitude to risk sorted out.

[1Veryhungrycaterpillar]

I was flashed at as a child as well, bit different from being touched up though

[tass1960]

It wasnt a one off for that guy - he eventually slipped up and the police got him - am not saying kids of 12 shouldnt be allowed freedom but the original post was talking about a 3/4 year old

My boys are grown up now (21 and 23) and both very well adjusted - young one just headed off on the adventure of a lifetime today - London, Moscow, Shanghai (for three months internship) hopefully he will be hope in September unscathed but it won't stop me worrying about him.

[Sirzy]

My worry at 3 or 4 wouldn't be other people but the child's ability.

DS is 3.5 and can happily take himself to the toilet on his own but sometimes forgets to flush, or dribbles on the seat/floor, doesn't wash his hands etc. I also wouldn't trust him not to lock himself in. Much easier to go with him until I am confident he won't leave a mess behind!

[curlew]

But tax is talking about something- agreed, something awful- that happened 14 years ago. Should one awful 14 year old incident have an impact on how we parent our children today?

[BegoniaBampot]

I just think loos are the ideal opportunity for any weirdos to get access to kids away from their parents and are more of a danger than some other places. I'd never have a let a 3 or 4 yr old go alone to the loo I a place like McDonalds for a number of reasons.