Prioritise my own DD (brownie leader)

[TreesAndFlowers]

I am a Brownie leader and DD is a Brownie in my pack.
From time to time (maybe 2-3 a year) our county organises ?large scale? brownie events which require an adult to attend for each 6 brownies.
These events tend to be at weekends and generally involve quite a bit of a drive, so the other leaders in the unit choose not to go.

I am happy to go to these events because I want DD to have the experience of attending. So I go with DD and 5 other brownies.
Due to the events being at weekends and a bit of a drive, there are generally (say) only about 8-9 brownies interested in any given one. We?ve so far adopted the policy of selecting brownies by random draw, with the understanding that anyone who is unsuccessful will get priority next time.

This has so far been fine. It?s tended to work out that if a girl put their name down for every single event (which I don?t think anyone has) they would probably get to go to 2 out of 3 of them (we also do an annual pack holiday and there are more local events they can attend so they do have other opportunities). Except that my DD is getting to go to all of them. A couple of parents have recently started muttering about this and saying that it?s not fair that I am prioritising my own daughter. Which I agree that I am, but frankly I?m not sufficiently altruistic to spend a whole Saturday/Sunday at an event miles away otherwise (I do already help at the aforementioned pack holiday and more local events at weekends), so if DD was not coming, I wouldn?t be going, and no one would get the opportunity.

So AIBU?

Sorry iv not read every single message but one solution would be to go with flexible volunteering. Have a active support unit that are all checked and registered and have done the very basic training modules and who then can be called on to help occasionally.

YANBU. There are many downfalls of being a leader's kids. Going along o every event is a perk (some of the time).

Lovely if you can get them OrangeLily- in my experience you have to arm twist to even get volunteers on a rota once a term. Generally the ones you can't get,are the ones to moan about things!

Anyone would think that there were so many volunteers that you can turn people away if they happen to have family commitments!

Some people really don't get volunteering do they

I volunteer because I love doing brownies. I do it for me and for the girls in my unit. But I do think it's unfair when someone only runs things because they want their own child to benefit. I do it because I want my unit to benefit.

And my daughter went into her own unit for Guiding with very capable guiders who are my friends. The reason for this was when I first did brownies, a guider had her dd with us all the time and the fights they had were horrendous and had us all embarrassed. I decided then that if I ever had a dd, she should go to rainbows with her friends and she has moved through the sections there. If she'd been in my unit, there would have been times when I wanted to throttle her and I didn't want that for her.

I became a Beaver leader because otherwise DS couldn't have been a Beaver - I started a new colony. DS came to my colony because the other was full and I had no childcare for leaving him at home. I don't see anything wrong in that. 19 other DCs got a place, otherwise they hadn't a hope.

I was a Brown Owl when single- because I was begged to do it, otherwise they would close - I don't see anything wrong with that either. No one else came forward.

Girlguiding insures any Guiding activity which is run in accordance with the guidelines and the children of adult leaders are covered under that insurance. There is a reason for that. The fact that adult volunteers need to bring their children along is recognised and legitimised by Girlguiding itself.

YANBU at all

I volunteer and dd tags along sometimes she likes it and it benefited where I volunteer cos it is an extra pair of hands and when she was younger i couldnt do it if I had no childcare , I honestly dont think parents work at brownies etc to just benefit their own children

YANBU - I am hugely grateful to the Rainbow/Guide/Brownie leaders in our village. I don't care what their motivation is, or if they are only doing it so their girls can go along - at least they are doing it, so my girls can benefit. If there any 'perks' - well, they richly deserve them.

I volunteer for DofE at my daughter's school. It can be oversubscribed, but it has been made clear to me my daughter will always get a place. I didn't volunteer for that reason, but the attitude of the school is that it is only right they recognise the effort put in by parents that enables the trips to be run at all.

I wouldn't have been a Brownie leader or a Beaver leader from a free choice. However I enjoyed both, and did a good job. It alllowed a lot of children to take part who otherwise would have been excluded.
I can't see how anyone can criticise that unless they take my place.

I became a guide leader at 18 as part of my DofE (I wanted to help in an old folks home, but the woman in charge was district commissioner and talked me into guides.)

This means that I was a guide leader for 12 years before I had kids. I now have two children under 5, and am guider in charge. I spend an average of 10 hours a week planning, shopping photocopying, doing letters home, setting up, running it, tidying up, doing the accounts, keeping records.

I am not in it to get my children a place, and I heartily resent the implication. I do however think I am a better mother because of all the skills I have learnt, and conversely being a mother has made me a more understanding guider.

My children do not come on camps, and it makes me sad. When they are guide age I'm taking them to Switzerland, and I don't care who thinks its favouritism. I will of course take all the other girls in the unit at the time.

By the way, on your starting brownies forms there is a section for people willing to contribute time/transport/ other skills. Could you look through them and see who would be interested?

I joined 5 years ago. My friend runs the unit and was talking about her unit a pack holiday and how she was short on leaders, and I got sucked in. Some of my reasons for doing it are more altruistic than others- it's a complicated blend. Being boys, my two DCs will never be full members of the unit (but don't tell the two year old as he proudly grabs his brownie box, and skips around the toadstool) I don't know what will happen in a few years as he reaches Beaver age, but my family has to come first.

Our two leaders with girls are parents that volunteered got conscripted when we were short on leaders. Their presence has allowed us to expand from 24 to 30 girls.

One leader has work commitments that has stopped her from being able to go to a 5 day camp this summer, so I'm covering for her. My DSs will have to come, I can't put DS1 into nursery for 4 extra days for it, and no way am I leaving DS2 who will be 3 months. Still, they both already have pack holiday experience. DS1 has actually beaten me to camp, he had to accompany Brown Owl (his godmother) with her Guides when DS2 was born a couple of months ago.

You can have parents casually volunteer on occasions, but to be more regular, you'd have to formally become a unit helper with CRB and annual charges on the census which can be expensive for the unit. I don't know the logistics of a non CRB checked person taking girls other than her own in a car. I'm guessing you couldn't do it officially, but could class it as an informal parent agreed car share.

Ridiculous! Of course YADNBU.

it's not even the childcare issues. It's the fact that she is the OP's daughter, and this is the OP's weekend. Presumably the OP wants to spend it with her own daughter or not at all (or is that just me )

^^
THIS

I take my hat off to people like you op I really do.

Parents should be bloody grateful you bother.

It's like the moaning school bitches who tell PTA members how much better they could do an event but oh yes can't be arsed.

I'm in two minds about this.

Rainbows/Brownie groups have long waiting lists in our area.

I can understand someone getting into it in order to do something for their DC and help the greater good! I was prepared to try to figure out a way to help shorten the waiting lists and get my DD off of it, by volunteering. When I looked into it I asked whether it was at all an option to do a job share effectively - another mother and I wanted to rotate weeks leading it to make it manageable in terms of time, but was told no. They said I could come and help not in a management role (once a space opened it for my DD) but I said I would have to bring my younger DD - this was also a no go, I couldn't do that either. At the time I was like: your organisation, your rules. But I didn't get the feeling that they were keen to find a way to help me get involved (I spoke to three separate packs in our area). Maybe it's that they've been there and done that and seen keen parents lose interest once their girls come off the waiting lists. Who knows.

If I had later found out that they wouldn't let me bring my younger DD along when I was helping but it was okay for the leader to prioritise their child for activities because they were helping/had childcare issues so couldn't leave them behind I would have been a bit .

In your particular situation though OP I don't think the situation unduly favours your DD. Esp if other leaders who could go 'chose not to'...To be frank...I would be quite irritated by that in your shoes...and then to be the focus of criticism on top would probably finish me off.

YANBU.

There is a simple solution for the whining parents.

They get of their arses and volunteer themselves.

Problem solved, everyone move along...

Turn it back on the other parents. Send out a letter saying that you have had x number of children wanting to attend an event so you need x number of parents to attend. If you do not get enough volunteers, the whole trip will be cancelled. And then stick to it. A few weekends of kids whining because they don't get to go on the trip they were looking forward to and you might find a few more people stepping up. Every other parent would only have to do one or two trips a year to cover it.

Or can you make it a membership requirement that each family has to volunteer for x trips per year? Our dog club has it as a requirement that everyone stewards for two competitions per year. If you don't do it, then your membership will be rejected the following year.

Well said Morloth. I can't see the argument. Tell the moaner straight - volunteer yourself - if not you can't moan.
I would do as MidNiteScribbler says if it wasn't for the fact that some DCs would miss out because some parents will never help in any way and it isn't the fault of the DC.

Yanbu

Our guides is short of leaders and has as 25-girl waiting list. We openly say that if anybody can become an adult leader their daughter can jump the list.
No way would we accept a volunteer but insist she leave her daughter at home if she was the right age and wanted to attend.

Show me a Guide or Scout group that isn't short of leaders!
Becoming a leader is the way to jump the list- a very good one as it benefits all.

Same here for Cubs/Scouts.

DS1 would like to do it.

Neither DH nor I can help out with time so he is on the very long waiting list.

Seems fair enough to me that if you can help out your kids get priority.

We can't, so our kid doesn't. That is the way the cookie crumbles he will get over it.

Paradise chick, you have a very idealised view of volunteering.

I'm a volunteer, who leads volunteers. For me it is important that my volunteers do put themselves and their families first, otherwise, even if the volunteer is giving selflessly, family tensions can build up and the rest of the family can become resentful.

You may get a few volunteers who are in a position to do things utterly selflessly, but there is no way there are enough people in that position to run the groups that need to be led.

A very idealised view- the country would come to a grinding halt!