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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell my "friend" to piss off

200 replies

HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform · 13/06/2013 13:43

I lost a fair bit of weight a few years ago (40lbs) and I have a friend, who I met as I was losing the weight, who seemingly has to remind me of how big I was (size 16), particularly that I was big on my wedding day. I don't understand why she has to bring it up all the time, particularly when she is substantially bigger than I am yet I wouldn't dream of calling her fat. Her most recent comment, looking at a picture of said wedding day, was that my tummy stuck out far farther than my boobs (it didn't). I just don't understand it.

She also criticises my grammar, which I think is normally quite good, today accusing me of corporate speak. Who fucking cares if I said something she deems "corporate" (evidently me).

WIBU to tell her to fuck off? She's not being particularly kind, which makes me feel shit, and she is currently staying with me (rent free) at weekends so she can keep her job in our city having moved hundreds of miles away to save money.

OP posts:
Original poster
HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform · 19/06/2013 17:51

It seems you cynics were right. I've had an email this afternoon saying not a huge amount but appearing to assume that she's coming tomorrow. It ends with:

Anyway, I just wanted to see how you were feeling about it all now and whether or not you wanted to talk anything through tomorrow - or, equally, if you've worked it out on your own and would rather not mention it again!

Which to me says she's coming tomorrow and its up to me whether I discuss it or not. DH has decided that any response has to come from his email address, even if I write it, so we're showing a united front.

I'm really not surprised that she's not taken me seriously, given that I let her take the piss for so long. She won't be staying here again though, make no mistake. I just have to work out how to get that through to her, and not let her emotionally blackmail me about the child not having a place to stay tomorrow.

OP posts:
schobe · 19/06/2013 18:01

Omg! Rhino hide.

I disagree with your DH. You need to make a stand and make it clear that it's YOU doing it. The doormat is no longer.

Forget 'how to get through to her' and emotional blackmail.

Keep it short and to the point and explain that you won't be responding to any further emails from her. Something like:

"I think you must have misunderstood, although I did specifically state that you needed to find somewhere else to stay. This means that you are not welcome to stay with us either tomorrow or any other time."

Have you changed the locks?

HadALittleFaithBaby · 19/06/2013 18:06

Cheeky cah! Do not let her in! Don't answer the door. I'm am Shock at the audacity of ...have you worked it out for yourself? ! She clearly thinks she's done nothing wrong and I think she only apologised because it was expected and thinks it over and done with. I think you'll have a battle to get rid of her. I wouldn't reply to any correspondence. Just don't allow her access and ignore the door.

Original poster
HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform · 19/06/2013 18:10

No I didn't change the locks because I convinced myself it was an overreaction. I can do it in the morning though as there's a place just round the corner and replacing like for like should be straightforward.

I also take what she said in her email as confirmation that her apology wasn't genuine and that she thinks I'm being bonkers and unreasonable. I'm not standing for it. It took me an hour to get home from the gym (5mins walk) last week because I was so upset about having the confrontation with her. I won't feel like that about coming to my home ever again!

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 19/06/2013 18:13

She has the hide of a rhino. I think you are going to have to spell it out in words of two syllables.

schobe · 19/06/2013 18:13

Yes, send the email, ignore any response and do the locks first thing in the morning.

Then line up something nice to do after work, eg out for a drink, cinema, or just a nice meal at home.

Then try to forget all about it. She probably will put a load of stuff in an email, then phone/text a lot. But remember it is only because she's got nowhere to stay and doesn't want to put her hand in her pocket for a hotel. I bet you wouldn't hear a peep otherwise.

lunar1 · 19/06/2013 18:14

I think I'd have to change the locks, sounds like she'd let herself in as if nothing happened

Januarymadness · 19/06/2013 18:15

I would go with.

Thank you for your emailed appology. However, just to make it clear incase I haven't already, based on the lack of respect you have given me, dh, our home, our hosiptality and our generosity, we are no longer happy for you to stay here.

We hope you find suitable, alternative, accomodation and we wish you well in the future.

Januarymadness · 19/06/2013 18:17

Sorry x posts

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn · 19/06/2013 18:20

Wow! Brass neck or what?

MerryOnMerlot · 19/06/2013 18:24

Think you should go with DH's idea of e-mail coming from his e-mail address. Far less likely to get further manipulative/head in the sand response that way. It will also show a united front which will be far less easy for her to bulldoze.

Pagwatch · 19/06/2013 18:26

Good grief .

Yes. At least the fact that she sent an email allows you to e very precise in your response.
So yes 'you appear to have misunderstood so let me be quite clear. You are no longer welcome to stay here' type stuff.

And please don't accidentally throw an English apology in there - 'I am sorry but you are not...blah blah.

At least now you know you didn't over react when you threw her out.

Original poster
HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform · 19/06/2013 19:29

Right am emailing her telling her not to come and to drop our keys at DHs office and that we are not going to be drawn into a dialogue on the subject. I haven't used an English apology -thanks for the advice on that one, its my usual MO.

I expect she will need the last word, but I will utilise the magic delete button on the email without reading. Ha. That'll teach her...

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 19/06/2013 19:32

Wow, she really is quite the cow. Shock

BOF · 19/06/2013 19:35

Tango, I am most impressed- well done. Do make sure your balls don't get in the way next time you're in the gym Grin

Bobyan · 19/06/2013 19:35

Draft email;
"Which part of fuck off do you find hard to understand?"

YouTheCat · 19/06/2013 19:40

What an absolute twat and well done for standing up to her. Hope it all turns out well.

ConfusedPixie · 19/06/2013 19:42

Goodness me she is ridiculous! I would read the next email if I were you, as no doubt it will reaffirm exactly why you have chosen to do this!

Dubjackeen · 19/06/2013 19:54

Well done OP. I had a feeling she hadn't gone away somehow, but that email is beyond all. A rhino would envy her hide. I would set up a filter on your email inbox, if you can, so that anything from her goes into trash. Definitely change locks, and after that, give her no more headspace. Well done again Smile

minouminou · 19/06/2013 20:01

Oh my shit! So she's said that you just threw a massive girlie shitfit, bug that she's so magnanimous that she's prepared to overlook it?

What a massive wanker.

Let us see the email you're sending her.

AndHarry · 19/06/2013 20:23

You can't delete the reply, you have to post it on here for us nosy lot to gawp at! :o

FruminousBandersnatch · 19/06/2013 20:44

Nice one, OP! Cannot believe the sheer front of the woman.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 19/06/2013 20:45

What an arrogant boot she is.

Please update when she tries to bitchslap you back via email.

Don't fall for any flannel off her!

Mimishimi · 19/06/2013 22:34

Wow, I've had similar friends to this and they only last as long as you let them use you. If you call them out on something they say about you, they make you feel petty and as though they are above all the stupid things like caring for a friend's feelings. I remember

Mimishimi · 19/06/2013 22:45

once meeting up with a schoolfriend at a cafe whilst we were both at uni (different ones). She begged a cigarette off someone and smoked it first. Then after we ordered, she went inside to talk to the waitress for about ten minutes. Through the glass I could see them both looking at me and giggling occasionally. When the waitress brought out the food, she had a giant smirk on her face. We ate, chatted tensely some more (I was boiling inside) and then went inside to pay. Hmm, turned out my 'friend' had conveniently forgot her wallet... would I mind paying? Never bothered with her again after that, she made me feel like total crap and she'd done it to others too. She was very intelligent and could be funny, but she made you feel like dirt on her shoe for no good reason.