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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my "friend" to piss off

200 replies

HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform · 13/06/2013 13:43

I lost a fair bit of weight a few years ago (40lbs) and I have a friend, who I met as I was losing the weight, who seemingly has to remind me of how big I was (size 16), particularly that I was big on my wedding day. I don't understand why she has to bring it up all the time, particularly when she is substantially bigger than I am yet I wouldn't dream of calling her fat. Her most recent comment, looking at a picture of said wedding day, was that my tummy stuck out far farther than my boobs (it didn't). I just don't understand it.

She also criticises my grammar, which I think is normally quite good, today accusing me of corporate speak. Who fucking cares if I said something she deems "corporate" (evidently me).

WIBU to tell her to fuck off? She's not being particularly kind, which makes me feel shit, and she is currently staying with me (rent free) at weekends so she can keep her job in our city having moved hundreds of miles away to save money.

OP posts:
fromparistoberlin · 13/06/2013 15:48

yessssss

Boot her out and use your DH to help you

scarletforya · 13/06/2013 15:48

Change the locks and leave her stuff in a bin liner in the front garden. Horrible, freeloading cow woman.

ginslinger · 13/06/2013 15:53

she's a nasty, unappreciative woman. Get rid.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 13/06/2013 15:56

I think it's the right thing to do to give her some notice today but don't fall for any flannel or begging sad face off her.

minouminou · 13/06/2013 16:16

I ditched a total cow a few years back.
She would ALWAYS go in about me having big ears (among other things....accent/nasal voice etc etc).
She had a big nose and had surgery to reduce it, and around this time, kept going in about my ears....saying we should get some photos done that accentuated her big nose (before the surgery) and my big ears.

Except...her nose was for the chop. My ears weren't, so she could glory in her neat new hooter but still have a laugh at my lugs.

It's the same sort of psychology at work, but using a different chronology.

Original poster
HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform · 14/06/2013 09:15

So I bravely hid stayed in bed until she left for work this morning, listening to her toddler run around with his fucking shoes on since 7am, because I didn't want to creat confrontation and leave her homeless this weekend. I've just gone into the kitchen to find hundreds & thousands all over the floor and her washing up in the sink rather than the dishwasher.

DH offered to say something this morning but I said we would deal with it later. I wish I had taken him up on it as she's only got a few clients today so will be hanging around the house. Fucksticks.

OP posts:
DeepRedBetty · 14/06/2013 09:21

You CAN do this OP. You have the massed power of MN behind you!

Mintyy · 14/06/2013 09:23

So she brings her toddler with her? Who looks after him while she's at work?

Really, for your own self worth, I beseech you to actually say something, rather than just emailing. I know you hate confrontation, and I fully understand, but you WILL feel better if you look her in the eye and tell her why you think the way she has behaved is unacceptable. It doesn't matter if it becomes an argument! you are angry, please let your voice be heard.

Original poster
HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform · 14/06/2013 09:25

Toddler goes to the childminder, Mintyy and then to his dad tonight.

I know you're right re the confrontation, i was just hoping that I was being oversensitive yesterday and that this would blow over.

OP posts:
IDontDoIroning · 14/06/2013 09:29

You are putting her and her toddler up rent free and all she can do is snipe nasty comments and leave your kitchen in a mess.
Whoa Shock

StealthPolarBear · 14/06/2013 09:31

Hang on. She works from your home at the weekend?
She brings her toddler with her?
You clean up after her? I actually think the time for being polite has passed and now is the time to let her have it with both barrels.
At a size 16 on your wedding day plenty of dresses would have been flattering. Assuming you have family and friends who were involved, they would have told you if you were wearing an unflattering dress - I wouldn't let someone close to me walk down the aisle looking awful. So chances are you did look beautiful. Unfortunately I don't know anyone who is deliberately vile so have no idea what the best way to pull her up on that is.

dubstarr73 · 14/06/2013 09:32

So not only is she staying but her toddler as well.No get rid you wont know yourself.She will have someone else to fall back on.
I think Saturday is good,gives you enough time to get teh words right.Sit her down and tell her its not working.Tell her you want your keys dont ask and dont make exscuses.Otherwise she will weedle her way back in.And have your dh there

Good luck

Madamecastafiore · 14/06/2013 09:33

Give her a greenhouse brochure and a small bag of pebbles and tell her to fuck the hell out of your life as fast as her fat arse can carry her.

ConfusedPixie · 14/06/2013 09:37

Shock free accommodation for her toddler too?! Good luck OP!

lisac99 · 14/06/2013 09:41

I had a friend exactly like that? Note the ?had?.

We were both overweight, however I had a long term partner and she was mostly single (although every once in a while slept with married men and men with girlfriends and then got upset as they wouldn?t leave their partners for her).

Whenever I decided I?d eat healthy, go to the gym, she?d deliberately try and sabotage me by bringing over unhealthy things to eat and say ?We can be two fatties together? or ?Let?s have a really nice girly evening of eating junk food? etc etc etc. I only bring up the partner thing as she?d say things like ?Well I know your boyfriend isn?t my type of person but you obviously love him? or ?I mean, I know you?ve got him, but I?d rather be single as he?s really not attractive to me?? on the rare occasion I?d pull her up, she?d say things like ?Oh well, I was taking the mick out of BOTH of us? or ?I meant he?s not attractive TO ME, I wasn?t being rude?

I stopped telling her about any healthy eating I was doing or when I was going to the gym and when she visibly saw I lost weight, she too used to ?remind? me about fashion faux pas ?Remember when we both went to Amsterdam and your tummy was sticking out so much??, She?s call me a ?Skinny bitch? (Size 14 ? 5ft 10? not skinny!) and say she didn?t want to go shopping with me as it was obvious we wouldn?t be going into the same shops?. She was just, nasty?.

I?ve not spoken to her for over 9 months and my life is a LOT better. No hidden digs, no nasty comments, no jealousy.

I?d urge you to do the same ? you?re not being over sensitive.

Original poster
HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform · 14/06/2013 10:31

She's not supposed to work from my house. She's supposed to be at her clinic but doesn't go in if there aren't bookings (not explained when she asked if she could stay).

I've left the mess for her and gone to the gym. She can fucking clear it up. And if she's home and it's still there when I get home I won't be responsible for my actions.

I know she behaves like this because historically I have let her. Not anymore.

OP posts:
pumpkinsweetie · 14/06/2013 10:36

The green eyed monster seems to be at play in your "friends" mind, in the end the jealousy will either eat her up or you-part ways with this negative person. A true friend would never say those things.

Original poster
HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform · 14/06/2013 11:02

Lisac - did you have it out with her or just drift apart.

She's texted to say she's on way back and do I want her to pick up anything. I told her I wanted her to do washing up. She made point that she had left it but hadn't left it for me. Twat. Now don't want to go home but am in gym with no money, no clean clothes, nothing. Hmm

OP posts:
dubstarr73 · 14/06/2013 11:11

How come you have no money

Original poster
HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform · 14/06/2013 11:14

Because I left it at home and now don't want to go back and get it because I'll have to have a showdown. Pathetic really.

OP posts:
dubstarr73 · 14/06/2013 11:21

Its gonna happen anyway,might as well get it out of the way.Whats the worst she can do.Go home get it over and done wiht and enjoy your weekend,no point walking on eggshells

schobe · 14/06/2013 11:24

Just go back and be honest with her that it's not working out. She's there much more than you had expected and you and DH want more space. If she pushes it, tell her that all the digs about your weight haven't helped.

If she pushes it more, ask if she wants an invoice for rent and bills for the time she's already been there.

Then grab your purse and go and sit in a cafe and relax.

She'll probably flounce off anyway.

schobe · 14/06/2013 11:24

Give her half an hour to do the washing up first!

Sleep404 · 14/06/2013 11:30

Sorry Hotel, you are afraid to go home while your friend is in YOUR home. This may be harsh but think about how that sounds. You have let her chase you out of your own home.

Ask her to leave. You don't have to discuss it with her, if you don't want to. Just say you are unable to accommodate her anymore.

Original poster
HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform · 14/06/2013 11:36

I know exactly how it sounds. I am fairly ashamed of myself tbh (sitting in the foyer at the moment building up the courage to go into the flat). I just know how this is going to play out. She won't accept what I say, will make vague counter-accusations to specific points and will refuse to leave. And then I'm stuck.

I know I sound pathetic but I'm actually shaking with a combination of fear and rage at the moment.

OP posts: