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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my "friend" to piss off

200 replies

HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform · 13/06/2013 13:43

I lost a fair bit of weight a few years ago (40lbs) and I have a friend, who I met as I was losing the weight, who seemingly has to remind me of how big I was (size 16), particularly that I was big on my wedding day. I don't understand why she has to bring it up all the time, particularly when she is substantially bigger than I am yet I wouldn't dream of calling her fat. Her most recent comment, looking at a picture of said wedding day, was that my tummy stuck out far farther than my boobs (it didn't). I just don't understand it.

She also criticises my grammar, which I think is normally quite good, today accusing me of corporate speak. Who fucking cares if I said something she deems "corporate" (evidently me).

WIBU to tell her to fuck off? She's not being particularly kind, which makes me feel shit, and she is currently staying with me (rent free) at weekends so she can keep her job in our city having moved hundreds of miles away to save money.

OP posts:
Mia4 · 14/06/2013 16:13

Just read to the end, well done OP and to be honest it's good to wait on answering-she probably thinks a 'not quite sorry' is good enough for her behaviour, not so.

NoisesOff · 14/06/2013 16:20

Huh, she didn't have sufficient insight to guess that you might be offended by her remarks about your weight on your wedding day? Wow, empathy really ain't her thing, is it?

spondulix · 14/06/2013 16:55

^^ what Noises said. Of course she knows she was being offensive. She is just shocked that you have finally stood up to her.

Well done OP!

rockybalboa · 14/06/2013 17:57

Well done OP!

ChuffMuffin · 14/06/2013 20:48

Hotel well done you! Wine

Am I right in assuming though that she didn't apologise in her email for what she'd said, only that she didn't realise she had offended you? What a fucking piece of work!

EagleRiderDirk · 14/06/2013 20:54

What chuff said - I was just thinking the exact same thing. Its not even a not-real apology of the 'i'm sorry you were offended' variety.

Xiaoxiong · 14/06/2013 20:55

I love it - that email's a total non-apology apology.

Well done OP, ovaries of steel!!

runningonwillpower · 14/06/2013 20:56

Is it better grammar to say, 'off the fuck with you'?

Xiaoxiong · 14/06/2013 20:56

x posted with both chuff and eagle!! Glad I'm not the only one who read it that way.

Alisvolatpropiis · 14/06/2013 21:12

No you would not be unreasonable. She sounds like a "friend" you could do without.

lovesherdogstoomuch · 14/06/2013 21:21

she told you you looked fat on your wedding day, and you're putting her up every weekend? did i read that right? she's jealous and horrible. tell her how much she has hurt you. give her a chance to explain herself. then, when she's horrible again, kick her out. friends who suck the air out of the room need to be shown the door. xx

QOD · 14/06/2013 21:23

Well done and I'd love to hear what you said, just cos I am a nosey cow!

lovesherdogstoomuch · 14/06/2013 21:27

me too QOD. super. what a bee atch.

Xiaoxiong · 14/06/2013 22:01

And me QOD. I'm imagining the blow by blow:

And then I said...
And then SHE said...

And then we can all go "NO!" and "I can't beLIEVE she SAID that!" and "You are AWESOME!" Grin

SugarPasteGreyhound · 14/06/2013 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ICanTotallyDance · 14/06/2013 23:00

Congratulations. I came late to this thread but I'm so pleased you stood up to her. Have a great weekend with your DH.

DeepRedBetty · 15/06/2013 13:15

As I said upthread, the Massed Power of MN was behind you. Well, apart from one poster, who I suspect hadn't actually read the thread before posting...

fryingpantoface · 15/06/2013 13:39

Well done OP!

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 15/06/2013 14:34

well done op Grin

i think most of us know people like that

internationallove985 · 16/06/2013 00:00

No you're not being unreasonable. I'd have told her where to go as well. who needs shallow people in their lives. Oh and for the record, I wouldn't say size 16 was big at all!. xx

Original poster
HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform · 16/06/2013 09:13

For those who want to know what was said it wasn't particularly interesting or inspiring. I took a deep breath and said "X I am very angry with the way you are treating me. You have left my flat in a state, you constantly put me down and contradict me and I am incredibly hurt by the way you say how fat I was on my wedding day. I need you to leave my flat and find somewhere else to stay."

Then I turned around and walked away so she wasn't able to turn it into a dialogue. It was probably a bit unfair but I didn't want an argument, I wanted to be heard. She has responded by email setting out her apology, and it did start with an apology and is, in fact, quite heartfelt and honest, so has had her say. I will decide what to do about it later.

Interestingly I feel relief rather than feeling shitty about being unkind to someone (even though she wasn't kind to me I normally would agonise over my treatment of her) which I think shows it was the right thing to do, and that I will just draw a line under the friendship now rather than attempt to mend it.

OP posts:
FridaKarlov · 16/06/2013 09:33

It's good she apologised but the cynic in me is saying she only did it because you've deprived her of her free ride.

Well done on standing up to her, she sounds very jealous and rude.

Pagwatch · 16/06/2013 09:49

HotelTango

I think that is quite right. The fact that you would normally be fretting and upset yet instead feel relieved is a good indication that you made a sound choice.
She may actually have learnt a valuable lesson. I sometimes think that the 'I just call a spade a spade' wankers just didn't have someone clearly call them on their behaviour early enough.
If her apology seems sincere she may change for the better long term.

Well done. You sounded very dignified.

SayMama · 16/06/2013 11:19

Well done!!

WhereYouLeftIt · 16/06/2013 11:41

"It's good she apologised but the cynic in me is saying she only did it because you've deprived her of her free ride."
Absolutely agree.

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