to ask your opinion before discussing with dh

[glam71]

Dh has a responsible job with a long commute meaning he is out of the for approx 13 hours per day. As a result he is not exactly hands on during the week. So historically I have done all the night wakings etc for our twins aged 8 as I sahm.

However, we now have a 7 month old who still wakes in the night. Obviously I am still happy to deal with dd in the night as breast feeding.
However, last night dt1 was sick. I found myself dealing with baby, sick child and all the cleaning.
Now I know I probably should have woken dh up. However, I suspect if I did he would get cross about being disturbed.
So now I am tempted to ask him if he was woken up by goings on last night. If the answer is yes should I challenge him about not helping.
Aibu to think that if he heard he should help. How does it work in your home?

Moot? What does that mean hen?
It's been said a few times about the SAHM doing the chores and food prep as are at home while other party works.

Just to be clear, the OP said husband commutes, she didn't say he drove, so my contribution may be irrelevent to her situation. It might be something to think about for someone whose partner does drive though.

LondonMan to a certain extent I agree. However, childcare is a job where being so tired you make mistakes isn't good. The idea that one night's missed sleep is so awful for a working man and two years missed sleep is perfectly fine for a SAHW is one that our culture seems to have accepted.

Surely there aren't many mistakes you can make within your home that cause you to transition from alive to dead (or or irreversibly on the path to death) as a consequence of eyelids drooping for a few seconds?

london man stay at home patents do tend to drive too, you know. Usually with the precious dc in the car.

No-one should be driving if not in a fit state, I would imagine journey with children are usually more optional for a SAHP?

Realistically, how many people will take a day off work, if they think (but aren't sure) that there may be a problem with the return journey? In my experience I'm usually fine in the morning no matter how little sleep the night before, the afternoon is a very different matter, but it seems very unpredictable how much affected it will be. I've had days after a bad night when I've been fine, and others where, after only having an hour too little sleep the previous night, I've been in severe danger.

The only way to guarantee you will be safe is to not to commit to a long drive on the day after a bad night. These days if worried I just tell work I'm working from home - my bad nights are caused by their call-outs, rather than DC, in any case.

Just after I graduated, I was in a car write-off where I was woken up by car hitting the crash barrier on opposite side of the road at probably 70mph, before bouncing back across the road and coming to rest against near-side crash barrier, facing the way we'd come. Had there been oncoming traffic it could have been a head-on at a combined 140mph. I wasn't driving, but only because 10 minutes earlier, when I was, when told by my co-driver to go left at a fork I said "yes, left" and went right. At that point I handed over to what turned out to be equally impaired co-driver. (Co-driver broke leg in several places and walked funny for a couple of years, I was fine)

I think what I know that some other drivers don't, is that even when you know what state you're in, because eyes are drooping and you've had a couple of lane-drifts, and you know you might die any second as a result of failing to keep your eyes open, that knowledge still won't necessarily enable you keep your eyes open. You would think there would be enough adrenalin to wake you up, but it doesn't seem to work that way. (Though an actual fright from a near-miss does seem to help.)

He does drive which is why I wouldn't to bother him regularly. However, surely the loss of an hours sleep once is unlikely to make you so tired that your driving abiity is impaired. If thats so I should have spent the last 7 months away from a car. Also it would mean that dh wouldn't go to work if awake at night for another reason.
That never happens unless really poorly.

though most people ignore the signs tiredness does kill when driving no-one should drive really tired so if someone needs to use car early in the morning they should have had enough sleep, this applies to both men and women and for whatever reason they are driving

tired drivers kill 10 times more people than drunk drivers but the tired driver that killed would not get the grief a drunk driver would

but as glam71 the loss of 1 hours sleep would not impair driving ability but being up all night with no sleep would

my DD is now at the age 3.5 when she is rarely up during the night but if she was DH would see to her in the night before the days I work because it would be unfair on my patients to be really tired when treating them as well as unprofessional

one or two nights broken sleep is fine but chronic tiredness is not safe