"If my son was a dog, I'd put him down"

[PoppyAmex]

Yes, I know IBU for reading Daily Mail links, but I just don't understand where they get people like this woman from.

I'm pregnant at the moment and this article really made me sad, it's just so undignified for everyone involved.

here

OK, I'm sorry about that. I wasn't focusing so much on the despair, though, as how willing Thornrose was to reveal it to social workers and the like, after she'd said she felt uneasy about telling them.

I know what you mean about it not being the job of parents to educate others, as you're busy enough, but at the same time, how else can NT parents learn? It's an anonymous forum, in the main, but I do care, and I hope you don't think I was casually intruding. These issues are something I think about and worry about, from an individual to a societal level.

So sad all round. Have read the entire thread and mostly agree with MrsDevere.

Thanks, ZZZZ. This is what saddens and worries me - that you feel you can't ask for help or show weakness. Is it because you worry about being judged, or blamed?

I know you're just one person saying this, but you can't be unique, and it makes you wonder what sort of society we're creating for the future. For everyone/

Oh yes, sorry, I forgot to answer that.

I think I'd be reasonably confident, as my innermost worries are mainly things like "What if....(insert disaster scenario)?"

It's a difficult question to answer, as the nearest we've had to SW involvement was a follow-up call after DS shared a bottle of Calpol with DD about 18 months ago (he climbs like you wouldn't believe and can open childproof bottles). We took her to A&E for blood tests (she was fine....it seems most of the Calpol landed on the carpet), but obvs concerns were raised. During the call I was laughing and joking about the carpet, and how DS was going to end up as a cat burglar.

After the call, I did pick apart the convo, as it only occurred to me then that the woman might have been looking for dodgy signs. I wondered if my joking would be taken the wrong way...how should I have been, etc etc?

My answer to your question is that I honestly don't know 100% how willing I'd be. Especially if there was a lengthy history of SS involvement. Do you become less willing the more involvement there is? Probably, I should imagine.

I think this whole thing just demonstrates that society should stop pretending we don't need to bother about carers, because Sainthood and Undergraduate/graduate Understanding of Philosophical Issues of Human Rights, Undergraduate/Graduate Understanding of Inferences, Implications, and Their Ramifications, Etc obviously gets handed out with the additional needs stick.

Surprise, surprise, it turns out that children with additional needs aren't magically restricted to superhuman people who can cope just fine without support. Wow, who knew?

I guess it would depend on the reasons for not coping and the best solution to them.
If I had MH issues that were causing the problems, I would be cautious, yes. But - how much of the paranoia or worries about, say, the children being taken away is warranted and how much of it is down to the underlying issues?

With DD, we've been quite frank about how much of a handful she is, and I said to our GP recently that there were times that I didn't think we'd make it through (as a family) intact.

However, we have the "cushion" of knowing our GP socially (as well as one of his colleagues at the practice), and of having an older DS with whom we just clicked. So they know the "real" us, as it were, not the stressed us. Also, DD has been in nursery part-time since the age of eight months, and I feel this is another layer of protection against any damning/erroneous SW conclusions.

I am trying really hard to address your questions. In short, I wouldn't be too happy about saying I wasn't coping, but part of that would be the fact that I wasn't coping (IYSWIM).

Tough one - I hope this is a good answer.

Thanks. I just remembered something that happened with a health visitor when DS was just being signed off from the midwife. She was taking mine and DP's history for DS' red book (if you're not in the UK, this is a journal type book to record vaccinations, routine check-ups and so forth). She was asking about medical history and learning disabilities - DP is dyslexic and I have ADD.
SOMEHOW this got translated as "Both parents - reading and writing difficulties"!

Obvs I kicked off about this, but it was a shocker, as it revealed just how things can get warped and misinterpreted because of HVs or SWs not really knowing what they're on about. Or just being a cow that day!

A relative who works in child protection said: "Get that removed or annotated now."

Life and health is very fragile, and all we've got, really, is each other. However, it seems we're being encouraged to not care, or to write sections of society off as being unworthy, or useless. It's not right.

I agree with what Saintly has said, the woman certainly doesn't speak for me, I would never even think that about my son, and yes I have been at the end of my tether at times.

Also the comment about people looking exhausted ("I don?t want to be doing this when I?m 80 and he?s 40,? she says. ?You see people like that and they just look exhausted"). Well, when I'm 80 I hope I'll have the right to look exhausted without anyone commenting!

the more I think about the article & the more posts i read the sadder i feel. Not for the mother, she doesnt speak for me. I do have some sympathy for the mothers struggle but I struggle to empathise with a parent who voices such an opinion so openly. It is a very strange & hurtful comparison to make.
I have heard some parents of severly disabled children question decisions they have made regarding their childs care or treatment, especially if it has prolonged life & not improved the quality of life, but that wrestling of guilt is always about if they acted in the childs best interest not .... fck it, i've had enough, lets look at euthanasia.
Poor poor child

Saintly, that Cornishboy video is heartbreaking for him & his family.