"If my son was a dog, I'd put him down"

[PoppyAmex]

Yes, I know IBU for reading Daily Mail links, but I just don't understand where they get people like this woman from.

I'm pregnant at the moment and this article really made me sad, it's just so undignified for everyone involved.

here

The comment was taken out of context. She was talking about how he physically attacks her every day and making the point that if a dog did that you'd put them down but as its her child she has to put up with it.

Nasty article.

Years ago, children like this would have been institutionalised.

Inclusion is a fine line. The impact mainstream inclusion has had on this poor woman isn't calculable

I saw her on This Morning the other week and its been taken out of context.

she said 'If he was a dog she would have him put down' because if a dog attacked you like he attacks her its what happens. If it was a husband or partner you would phone the police and he would get charged but because its her child there's nothing she can do but put up with it.

I dont blame her for saying it either or judge her. What she does is incredibly hard but she does it with no help at all.

Her three other children are grown up now.

Them being out living their lives probably hits home the fact that her youngest wont ever leave home. Its a life sentence. Yes shes a parent, but shes only human.

Why do we expect parents of SN children to just suck it up? Why is it that if a parent says they cant cope or have had enough, we make out that they dont love their kids?

'The boy in the photograph looks like he has fetal alcohol syndrome'

why the need to make that comment minifingers?

That journalist is utterly disgusting.

She is clearly struggling massively and he writes a judgemental awful article like that, blaming her for her dc undeniable sn and his skeptism over ADHD. What a total cunt.

I'm sure that journos do not go stalking round estates looking for people to publically pillory - she's clearly offered to raise this issue and highlight needs of parent-carers in similar situations.

Bloody awful article.

"Nevertheless, coming from a mother, they are disconcerting and suggest disappointment ? anger even ? at the way he has turned out."

Would you believe it? This woman, this mother has the sheer effrontery to be disappointed that her son will never be able to lead a normal life and is putting the whole family at constant risk!!! The sheer brazenness of it!!!

"While many parents and experts will testify to the prevalence of ADHD, others are sceptical, suggesting that it is merely an excuse for a lack of discipline and lazy parenting. "

Oh yes, absolutely. Parents who don't have children with ADHD are clearly the specialists on the existence of the condition. I don't believe in cerebral palsy. Never seen a sign of it in my children and they are beautifully disciplined, which just proves it.

"Yet the timing of the diagnosis is curious. For years, Jenny and Dave had been rowing, until in 1997, after 13 years together, they divorced.
The following year, when the children were aged nine, eight and four, all three were diagnosed with ADHD.

Jenny will not entertain the possibility that her children?s problems were linked to her marriage break-up, even though this was suggested to her at the time."

And no kindly person has suggested to the journalist that maybe there is more than one way of marriage break-up relating to disability.

"?I?m trying to get a business off the ground, teaching people to sew, but it?s not making money yet.?She sees putting Ryan into full-time residential care as the way forward. Such a move might be perceived by some as an attempt to offload the challenges of caring for Ryan on someone else, but she insists it?s the right thing for him."

Yeah, those mothers are all the same. When dd needed her knee seen to, I offloaded the challenges of caring for her onto a surgeon instead of getting busy with the kitchen knife. Some mothers are just feckless like that.

"?I will be able to see Ryan all the time, but I will get a break.?
Whether her son will feel the same contentment at being separated from his mother is another matter."

I take it the journalist is home schooling her children then and never letting them out to spend time with others.

What I can't understand, OP, is where they get people like these journalists from. Imagine if one of our children grew up like that. We really would feel we had failed at parenting then, wouldn't we?

Appallingly written but no surprises there. I actually feel quite sorry for her. Most if us stop having to deal with shitty clothes by three and she's had ten years of toddler tantrums poo etc with no end in sight.

She sounds worn down exhausted and depressed.

I watched this woman on this morning the other week and although that comment was actually quite shocking I can understand where she is coming from. I believe her other children are older and she said the boy in question has developmental delays and its this that she cannot cope with that the adhd side was not actually the problem, the presenters kept turning it back to adhd though.

I've skimmed the DM article cant be bothered to read it all as I know their style after reading 'some suggest adhd is an excuse for lazy parenting' it says It all.

It is extremely challenging to be the parent of a child with SN. My own experience is not like this, my own son is challenging but not violent. I am exhausted on a daily basis, so goodness knows how she feels. Coupled with the fact there is no end to this, it probably wont get any better without outside help. She must feel isolated, deflated and alone.

I remember reading an article about theatres and how they misused critics reviews. So that (for example) 'Cast is excellent but the play is rubbish' would just become 'excellent'. This article is similar. They have taken one line and spun it round to turn this woman into a monster. The article is sneery and full of crap.

Poppy dear, I am sorry you feel upset reading this article, specially when pregnant. But...
I can see her point, she is trying to illustrate hOW BLOOMING HARD it is to hard a child like that.
My son has special needs (including adhd), he is not as disabled as this lady's son and sometimes I feel like I am about to be pushed down an ABYSS. Endless toilet accidents, wake up at 4:30 EVERY DAY (sundays, christmas, holidays, EVERDAY), angry fits coming from no where.
It is relentless. I am lucky to have DH, I am lucky that I can see progress in my son, but I can really see how desperate this poor woman must feel.

PLEASE do not judge her unless you have tried her life for a day!
And good luck with your pregnancy, I pray that your child doesn't have any special needs..

ADHD is just one of MANY problems this child has.

I feel nothing but sympathy for the woman in the article and utter contempt for the journalist and the Daily Mail.

Any parent who has raised a 'normal' child has been pushed to high levels of frustration, anger and sadness at different times. I have NO IDEA the pain of raising 4 children with disabilities.

Like the previous poster I would like to hear from the mother of the editor/journalist involved in writing this piece. Now that must be disappointing!

Horrible article. Lots of sneery hints that her childrens problems are because shes had 3 husbands and that maybe adhd doesnt really exist and shes just a bad mother (of course the fathers are sitting back polishing their halos while she mops up the wee). While I do not agree with what shes said and think she sounds awful I do think she sounds like a woman at the end of her tether rather than an ogre.

' In an ideal society people would make a responsible elective choice with regard to having children and genetics'

What on earth does that mean?

Ok just realised that was a huge x post

Id like to have genes as opposed to not. I elect for genes.

This is a horrible sensationalist ADHD spin on a v sad story. Key os he is a 10 yr old w mental age of 2 yr old, hidden v well in that article.
Yes, she shouldn't have said it publicly but what help is she getting???

The context of the dog quote was:

if my husband beat me up, the police would remove him and the beating would stop

if a dog bit me, it would be put down and the biting would stop

under any other conceivable circumstances I would be protected from physical assault

my son is beating me up and will continue to do so as he grows up- there is nothing to stop this beating

the fact that he is her son doesn't mean that it is any less likely that he will kill her one day or seriously injure her

it doesn't mean her bruises hurt any less or she will be less incapacitated

all it means is that there is noone to help her

I have had a violent child and I know what it is like to try to restrain a 10yo (still have the scars). But in my case, the meltdowns were few and far between and the child did not have severe learning difficulties: I always had a good hope that she would grow out of it- as indeed she has. If not- well, I can see what this woman is saying.

Where do they find people like this woman? Right under the shoe of our society with the rest of the parents of children with SNs and Carers.

They don't get nearly enough support and articles like this are so disgusting and damaging.

Who gives a shit what she said?! Look at what she does everyday. I couldn't even begin to judge her. She clearly loves her son very much.

I really do wish people would give these thing a little more thought.

"PLEASE do not judge her unless you have tried her life for a day!
And good luck with your pregnancy, I pray that your child doesn't have any special needs.."

Did you read my posts? I know English isn't my first language, but I wasn't judging anyone, except perhaps the editorial line of this newspaper and mourning the loss of dignity people seem to endure when desperate enough to give an interview to a tabloid.

I'm not sure you intended to wish me well there, but I'll choose to think you did and thank you.