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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit suspicious of DP's new friendship

588 replies

faulkernegger · 27/05/2013 23:22

I'll try to be concise - my DP is a music teacher and has developed a friendship with the mother of one of his pupils. He visits the house to teach, and often doesn't come home for ages. They live 5 mins away and the lesson is 30 mins, but it's been 2 hours later on occasions. There's always a reason, usually he was helping her with something, but she has a husband. I have met her and we've been to the house and they to ours, and it's all very friendly, BUT I have this niggling feeling. Even my DD (12) says her dad is obsessed with this woman ( completely unprompted by me - I've not voiced my thoughts). AIBU?

OP posts:
mootime · 31/05/2013 20:47

Yes, hope he's trying to make it up to you. Glad you are ok. (Also been lurking).

OHforDUCKScake · 31/05/2013 20:54

Hope you're ok OP. x

fuzzpig · 31/05/2013 20:54

Shocked to read this. What a complete fucker Angry

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 31/05/2013 21:04

Hope everything is OK.

FairPhyllis · 31/05/2013 21:10

I hope the hovering is because he's bloody ashamed of himself and is abjectly grovelling to wife and daughter.

bettycocker · 31/05/2013 21:47

OP, are you feeling better now? I hope everything is ok and that the replies have confirmed that you are right to feel suspicious. Nobody here would feel comfortable in your situation.

Heather100 · 31/05/2013 21:59

This is not cool at all. Nip that in the bud. Be honest & ask him or tell him you feel uncomfortable......failing that, next time he goes over for 30 mins and it rolls over an hour, take a walk over & have a new through the window lol that's exactly what I would do!

Heather100 · 31/05/2013 22:00

Neb* through the window

MikeOxard · 31/05/2013 22:11

What a complete knob. I wouldn't like to be married to someone like that. I don't normally say LTB, but... maybe LTB? :( xx

OctopusPete8 · 31/05/2013 22:13

Actually, although worded perhaps to strongly, offensive Val has a point, unless the lady is blind and deaf, she will have noticed his behaviour obviously knows he is married but has still encouraged it, she's no innocent here.

Jestrin · 31/05/2013 22:13

I'm worried that the OP hasn't returned. I hope you're ok and that you have spoken with him about everything

Original poster
faulkernegger · 31/05/2013 22:17

waiting.

OP posts:
Heather100 · 31/05/2013 22:18

I'd perhaps have a word with her also, if it was me I'd have a word with them both (separately)
She must know her behaviour is not appropriate towards a married man, yeah there is friendship but there is also taking the piss.

Jestrin · 31/05/2013 22:48

What are you waiting on or for OP?

TheUnsinkableTitanic · 31/05/2013 22:50

I think she is waiting on DH not being about so that she can post properly Jestrin

Jestrin · 31/05/2013 22:51

Ah ok

bettycocker · 31/05/2013 22:52

Tact is not my strong point, but I would basically say "Stop taking the piss mate. You only do jobs round the house for me and the kids. You only buy puncture repair kits for your children's bicycles. Now ship up or get the fuck out".

As you can probably tell, my longest relationsip has lasted 6 years.

bettycocker · 31/05/2013 22:52

PS, I hope it all goes well for you. You have a lot of support here.

QOD · 31/05/2013 22:53

Hope you're ok op

Heather100 · 31/05/2013 22:57

I like that Bettycocker

bettycocker · 31/05/2013 23:03

Heather100, this is probably the reason why I have never been married and I'm 36.

bettycocker · 31/05/2013 23:15

Mind you, there is nothing wrong with establishing clea boundaries. This doesn't mean being a jealous person, but expecting others to treat you in a way you would like to be treated and in a way they would like you to treat them.

Male and female friendships are fine, but this crosses the line. I think it sounds like an emotional affair and it's time to make things clear. OP, I hope you can resolve this, but you need to state what you wannt, expect and need. If he can't deliver, he should jog on, to be honest.

I have a zero tolerance approach to these things, but then I am a very loyal person who expects the same. I am also very pissed thisi evening. So probably more opinionated than usual.

That said, I would deffo tell him what I thought. If only to save my own sanity and offload it. btw, once you offload onto him, it's no longer your problem. Let him deal with it. Wink

Heather100 · 31/05/2013 23:31

You only get treated the way you let yourself be treated.
You don't want to be treated like this then don't allow it

D0oinMeCleanin · 01/06/2013 00:00

I loaned my PT our carpet cleaning machine last week, I've told him we don't use it and we're in no rush to have it back. Our sessions over run often. Sometimes he sends me messages on FB and I reply Shock

I walk my dogs where he runs a running club.

Clearly we want to fuck each others brains out otoh we could just be normal, regular people who make friends and do favours for people we work with/for

CookieLady · 01/06/2013 00:05

Hope you're okay Faulk.