To not want to take neighbours child to school in the mornings

[averywoomummy]

I don't think I am being unreasonable but I know that these neighbours are going to make me feel I am being so!

Basically I have one DS in year one and one DD who is starting school reception in Sept. I also have a neighbour with a DD who is also starting school reception in Sept. Said neighbour works 3 days a week and has recently been making a few heavy hints and "worried" faces about childcare and getting her DD dropped at school. I think that they are trying to suggest or gearing up to asking me to do it (I am a SAHM) and are trying to keep hintiing to make me offer to do it.

The thing is I REALLY don't want to do it for a number of reasons really. Firstly I just don't want the responsibility of another child on the school run. I find it hard enough to control my two and don't want the stress of getting another child safely through the door/making sure they cross roads safely etc.

I also like being flexible in the mornings. If we are up bright and early we might leave and stop by the park on the way to school. Likewise if DS is very tired I might let him lie in a bit longer and leave slightly later. Obviously if we were tied to taking another child to school at a set time I wouldn't be able to do this.

They also have a younger DD so if I do this then the continuation is that in a couple more years I could be taking 4 children to school in the morning!

Even if they offer a reciprocal arrangement I don't want to do it as my two like me taking them to school and there is always some letter to hand in or I need to have a word with the TA so I don't really want anyone else to take them!

The thing is the husband of the couple is really pushy and I am dreading having to say no, he has a way of twisting things to make you feel very unreasonable for not doing what he wants! AIBU??

I don't see this as SAHM vs WOHM thing at all! As a WOHM I'd be happy to reasonably help out others as a one off and vice versa. A long term arrangement is a commitment and requires more planning, organising and managing. Presumably if a SAHM wanted to do that she'd be a childminder. But she's chosen to SAHM to avoid the hassle of making arrangements for the school run,

I've had a couple of lift-shares going over the years with varying degrees of success. One was so frustrating & stressful because on my days to take in I'd arrive to pick up J's children, S having already dropped her son at my house on time, & find them half dressed, still eating, whatever, so it was a mad scramble to get to school on time, unless grandma was staying in which case they'd be ready & waiting. I'd have to chivvy them out of the house, often helping to finish sorting them out.

On J's days to take in I'd arrive in good time, S having already dropped her son with me on time to find J still having a leisurely coffee, children not organised & I'd dump the boys, rushing off to work, trusting that she'd get them there on time. According to son she took an age to finish getting ready & it was always a mad rush such that they'd be running down the school lane as the bell was ringing.

I stopped the arrangement after a while as things changed. Afterwards, so told me he had hated her driving him as she went too fast & he was frightened - wish he'd told me sooner.

J didn't go out to work, she works from home. Punctuality is clearly not important to her - it drove me mental.

People tend to take the piss when you start doing something like this for them, on a regular basis.

I had a friend who was doing some training to further her career. None of our children were in school at the time, so I thought it would be good to help out, as there were no other commitments in my life stopping me (SAHM). It amounted to having her 2 dcs roughly 3 times a week from any time in the morning (between 8am & 12pm) - 3pm (or similar hours, it depended on when her shift started, to when her dh's ended - he was self employed cleaner, so his hours were hit & miss)

She said that her dad would help out too, and between us, it would mean having the dcs twice a week each. Only, it didn't work out like that! I ended up having them 3/4 times a week. Her dh would finish work, go home & log onto MSN when he should have been collecting them, telling me he popped home for a quick shower (yet he never seemed showered when he collected them). Sometimes it was just one dc (other at her dad's) most times it was both.

I started to resent it in the end. She did offer to pay but I knew she couldn't afford it & accepting money form her would affect my benefits & I think it is similar to the UK where I couldn't accept money for looking after children without it being called into question re child minding etc. Instead I said (albeit casually) just buy me a bottle of wine/box of chocs now & then. I never did anything!

It all stopped because her dh decided that he no longer wanted to work, so he would have the children instead. But it went on for over a year & it did affect our relationship, because I really started to resent them for taking the piss. I had to cancel once (dd ill) & she made such a big thing about it, and made me feel like shit.

People just think they can walk over you with no/little return.

I should add that I now have a very reciprocal arrangement with many of my friends over school picks ups/drop offs etc, so it isn't as if I am refusing to help anyone. I think it works both ways!

People tend to take the piss when you start doing something like this for them, on a regular basis.

I had a friend who was doing some training to further her career. None of our children were in school at the time, so I thought it would be good to help out, as there were no other commitments in my life stopping me (SAHM). It amounted to having her 2 dcs roughly 3 times a week from any time in the morning (between 8am & 12pm) - 3pm (or similar hours, it depended on when her shift started, to when her dh's ended - he was self employed cleaner, so his hours were hit & miss)

She said that her dad would help out too, and between us, it would mean having the dcs twice a week each. Only, it didn't work out like that! I ended up having them 3/4 times a week. Her dh would finish work, go home & log onto MSN (this is before we had ipads/iphones, so I know he was deff at home) when he should have been collecting them, telling me he popped home for a quick shower (yet he never seemed showered when he collected them). Sometimes it was just one dc (other at her dad's) most times it was both.

I started to resent it in the end. She did offer to pay but I knew she couldn't afford it & accepting money form her would affect my benefits & I think it is similar to the UK where I couldn't accept money for looking after children without it being called into question re child minding etc. Instead I said (albeit casually) just buy me a bottle of wine/box of chocs now & then. I never did anything!

It all stopped because her dh decided that he no longer wanted to work, so he would have the children instead. But it went on for over a year & it did affect our relationship, because I really started to resent them for taking the piss. I had to cancel once (dd ill) & she made such a big thing about it, and made me feel like shit.

People just think they can walk over you with no/little return.

I should add that I now have a very reciprocal arrangement with many of my friends over school picks ups/drop offs etc, so it isn't as if I am refusing to help anyone. I think it works both ways!

Sorry for double post, MN went offline just as I posted & must have posted it anyway

I learnt the hard way, after agreeing to walk a friend's child to school.
He would be undressed and watching cartoons when it was time to go, my kids were jumping up and down as they were going to be late, and it seemed it was my job to get him ready!
No thanks.

Please do not do this is you dont want to, got roped into walking a child home every day and her mum said all blaise "and ifu could just keep her at yours till 5:30 when her dad will pick her up" shocked wasnt the word,and I felt really taken advantage of as I had 3 under 7 and this mum had chosen a college course thatshe should have done during school hours, imo.it lasted a couple of days and then I told her no which I should have done in the first place but was too wimpy!!

I'd say no too. Don't be afraid of causing upset. I was railroaded into taking another dc to pre-school and at first thought oh well, we're going that way. But it's the waiting for them to turn up, the having to tidy the house for them to come in, the being responsible for them down the road - one stopped to sniff every flower, the other bolted down the road. The mum even got stroppy with me when we were going on holiday for a week. They need to pay for childcare like everyone else does.