to be pissed off at seeing a pregnant woman smoking yesterday?

[topsi]

Am not sure what goes through some people's minds? WHY??

Have you ever smoked? My DDad is the most sensible person on the planet, but he chain smoked for 55 years.

Only coughing up blood and thinking he'd got cancer made him stop (fortunately he had pneumonia)

Truly fags are evil.

I judge teens for being bloody stupid starting, but not adults finding it hard to give up.

Startail - no i have never smoked. I did like a drink though & gave that up when i was pregnant.

Family & friends who have smoked/still do smoke agree with me.

The other issues have been discussed because they are also harmful but seemingly deemed acceptable or excused.

YANBU but you will get a flaming on here for being a sticky beak and being all judgey pants.

Surely the issue being discussed is smoking in pregnancy not other areas in which people are addicted.

See this is what tends to happen on these threads

People ( and I don't mean you personally everlong ) will post around those talking about issues that are just as 'worthy' of judgement, rather than acknowledge them and discuss them.

Because they're far too busy pointing the fingers at smokers ( and I sometimes suspect ) not wanting to hold their hands up and admit they put their unborn child at risk themselves...by not being able/not trying to lose weight before TTC.

It's all a load of judgy bollocks, tailored to make the judge feel better about the risks they themselves might have taken.

The issue is smoking whilst pregnant.

When I see a pregnant woman smoking, I see someone harming their unborn child.

I haven't read anything that would persuade me otherwise.

Yes people can have an opinion

It just makes me wonder why they don't (as a rule) tend to constantly voice the same judgemental opinion about women who put their unborn children at risk through being overweight in pregnancy.

I'll take a wild guess it's because they don't smoke or have given up before TTC.

Apocolypse - I'm pregnant so yea I know that pregnant women have needs and flaws but this is a step too far. Have as many flaws as you like but don't do something selfish and harm your baby.

I smoked quite heavily for around 9 years before ttc. When i found out i was pg i stopped cold turkey. It was bloody hard and the first month especially i desperately wanted a fag but didn't because i believed it was wrong. I also knew if anything happened to the baby i would always feel responsible and couldn't have forgiven myself for not stopping. Dh would have been fuming too because as much as it is my body, that was also his child.
on a separate note there was another new mum in the bed next to me when ds1 was born who was actually smoking on the ward. I was so angry that nothing much was said to her by the midwife! This was only 3 years ago btw.

3 years ago in the UK or somewhere else?

I'm an ex smoker. When I fell pregnant with DD1 I stopped straight away it was hard but I did it. I did end up starting to smoke when DD1 was a few weeks old.

I tried to stop but kept failing. I then fell pregnant with DD2 and quit immediately again and found it so much easier then before I was pregnant. Dd2 is now nearly 4months old im still not smoking.

I dont smoke anymore DD 1 got diagnosed with Asthma a 8months ago. Even though i quit when I was 10weeks pregnant (when I found out) and never smoked near her i felt guilty and still do now. I might have caused her illness or made it worse. When she is struggling to breath and in hospital i want to slap myself for even smoking in the first place.

I would say YANBU

Worra it was uk, hospital in the north west.

YABU
It's not your problem, it's hers. The are undoubtedly things you do that others would be pissed at like you are with her like;
Wearing high-heels (more chance of tripping etc)
Driving while further along in the pregnancy (Might be in a crash)
Eating certain foods
Going on MN ( )

Although it might be distressing for you to think of what may happen to the child, but ultimately it's up to her - she may be cutting down, which wont show.

My cousin's wife smokes. She has a blood clotting disorder which has caused pulmonary emboli and retinal bleeds. She smoked throughout her pregnancies despite this. Her poor husband has schizophrenia and really struggles with fatherhood. I cannot, cannot, cannot understand why she continues to smoke given the very real possibility that she wil
l have a fatal clot and leave her children (she's currently pregnant) motherless with a wholly inadequate father. Yes she has a fairly grim life but it astounds me that she can be so selfish.

it astounds me that she can be so selfish.
I dare say she feels the same way about you and your empathy bypass.

Oh believe me I am not short on empathy in any part of my life - it just scares the shit out of me that she is in danger of permanent disability/death and there will be no one to care for the children. The situation is just terrible in a number of ways, not least financially, but I absolutely think she is being selfish. Doesn't mean I don't care or understand, I do but it's like watching a slow motion car crash..

My 'poor' brother is a diagnosed schizophrenic, and is also a SAHD to 5, happy (and active) girls ranging from 2 to 13. He will admit, that he sometimes struggles with fatherhood (as many parents co ordinating activities, housework etc) but it DOES NOT make a wholly inadequate father. In fact, I truly admire him and the relationship he has with his girls.

Mental health issues do not make for bad parenting.

Someone who cannot give up an addiction despite their own impending disability/death is in the grips of something far more powerful than the average person who can toss their lighter in the bin and never look back.

Addiction is not the same for everyone. A huge component of it is psychological. And you need enough mental/emotional resources to overcome it, which those of us who have can all too easily take for granted.

If a person is really faced with their own death, is terrified of death, and yet still continues... I would say there is much more at work than just making a bad 'choice'.

No, of course they don't - I wasn't clear. My relative is different in that he is very poorly controlled, frequent admissions, anger issues that mean he can't really do a lot of childcare, alcohol dependency which adds complications. He wouldn't be able to be a lone parent at this point in time. It's awful.

Also I am just especially pissed off today as I have had to buy her ds a new school sweatshirt while she is at home puffing away telling me she's broke. But that's another aibiu thread!